PhilsFan33

Hello everyone! I'm very happy I've found this forum! I hope everyone can welcome me with open arms and support me through my recovery!

As a background, about 3 years ago I took my first perc 10 and I was hooked ever since. 10s quickly grew to 30s. Most recently I've been taking 3-4 30s a day. In that 3 year period I was able to graduate from a top university and land a good job. Compared to my sober friends I was more successful so in my eyes what was the harm? Well I was blind to the fact that I was mentally and physically addicted to opiods. I've attempted to quit using suboxone but it never lasted long and I always relapsed.

Today I'm proud to say I'm 5 days clean, cold turkey! My wd experience hasn't been pleasant but not horrible. Days 1-4 I was sneezing, sniffling, cold sweats and the *****. Luckily Imodium has helped me through work without running to the bathroom 9 times a day. Today I still have been sneezing along with my runny nose but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So now that I'm through most of my physical wd I'm scared as hell psycologically. The devil has been sitting on my shoulder tempting me 3-4 times a day. Everyone always says getting clean is easy but staying clean is the hard part.

Financially I cannot keep doing opiods. I have put myself in debt and I'm constantly broke. Luckily my addiction has not negatively effected my relationships with my family. I pray that I'm strong enough to beat this horrible disease and hope you can offer any support!

Thank you all very much for reading my story!

liv1ce

I am you although my history is a bit longer. I am now 64 days cold turkey and very glad I am not 5 days. The withdrawal for me was not horrible and if you keep reading you will discover others that have really had to suffer. The fact is I love to get high and that has added to the difficulty. I quit so many times in disgust with myself but after a few days would find "the devil on my shoulder" as you put so well. "Hey if it's this easy I can do this next week" went through my head and was answered many times. It wasn't easy, however, because as you noted you need to get away from this stuff (mine was the same as yours) and it draws you back in so easily. Get some more time under your belt and that will lessen immensely. Right now your life is just trying to quit but later on you will actually have developed a new pattern and a new life that doesn't include this shiit and then it will be better. We - each of us here - have learned to answer all the troubles in life by getting high and producing an artificial world of good feeling. There will be difficulties where you just have to react as "normal" human and not feel well or sad or low or just naturally so good you can't believe it.

As you noted staying sober is the hard part because it is for a lifetime if you can do it. I am here now secondary or primarily due to a three year binge resulting from one pill and that was after decades of sobriety. I had a problem medically for which I was given oxy and when I saw the first pill coming the addictive beast inside me woke up after all those years and had a big f-----g smile on his face. And then I was gone and didn't come back for three years.

Good luck to you and hang tough. The addictive beast inside YOU is asking to be fed. Just don't do it and you will be so much happier in just a few more days.

PhilsFan33

Have you ever attended meetings? I'm considering going but I'm not sure..

CarolD

PhilsFan33 .... ...Welcome to SR

While we do not share addictions...I'm an AA recovered alcoholic
who found my solution by connecting to God and AA
.
Why not check out NA in your area?
Try several different groups and then see what you think?

AA certainly has been an awesome adventure for me for years..

CarolD

liv1ce....
Good to see you again.
Hope this time will be your final go round with drugs..

Stride34

Congrats on 5 days, Phils. What are you going to do differently this time to make it stick?

liv1ce

Carol,

I feel very good about this time. I am so aware of all the positive aspects of recovery this time and never want to let them go. I firmly believe that if that pill came around now I could easily turn it down and gladly gut it out. As a matter of fact I started a thread a few days ago after I found a pill of my DOC in my old stash spot. I immediately flushed it without hesitation and felt really good about it.

Philsfan

I did meetings during an earlier recovery and found them enormously helpful. If you go you will find a welcoming atmosphere of people just like you and me.

PhilsFan33

Thanks for all the support everyone! One of my triggers is Friday afternoons at work and I'm feeling the temptation right now..

PhilsFan33

Hello again everyone! Well my last attempt to quit went horrible once payday came. Today I'm proud I say I'm 8 days clean! I feel a lot better today except for the slight sneezing, stuffy nose and *****. Although this is minor compared to the last 3 days! Anyway, I'm set to get paid tomorrow and I have made plan to help me including giving my mom my money so I cannot be tempted to use. I feel good about this time around. I simply won't to be clean!

CarolD

PF...
Hope this will be your time for a drug free future..

sophiamarie2007

Welcome to SR-I get it about feeling that unusual confidence when you first start into opiods. I started back in 99-Long time ago..and won many top sales awards (in pharmaceuticals) in those early years while high as a kite. I stopped working in the industry in 2007-my addiction was spiraling out of control. It was false confidence. I have been clean for going on 8 or 9 months now. I am working in a mental health facility doing marketing and education. 12 step meetings didn't help me. I did find rational recovery to be effective, it fit in with my busy lifestyle and personality. Everyone is different in wha their needs are. Best of luck-You can do this and life is so much better when free of addiction!