Spice or Meth or what?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 19
Spice or Meth or what?
Im not sure Im posting in the right place on here, but here goes. Im engaged to a great guy and we are planning on getting married in August. I have known him for about 3 years now. After we had been dating for about 6 months he told me that he was a recovered meth addict and had been clean for 2 years back then. That means he would be 5 years clean now. He was involved in NA for the first two years, and said he completed all the 12 steps. He told me he stopped because it wasn’t helping him anymore, and he wanted to move on with his life. He said his sponsor was controlling and didnt think he was ready to start dating and build a new life for himself.
Ive known him like I said for about three years now, and in that time he has had a couple relapses with drugs but not meth. Or at least the told me it wasn’t meth I really don’t know about drugs.
But why Im here is because for the last few months he has been acting a little strange, pulled back a little from me, and when ive asked him about it, he always has an excuse like its because he Im always asking him about wedding plans and his opinion on things, and it just stresses him out. He tells me he wants me to have the wedding of my dreams, and he wants to help plan, but not be involved in every little decision. So I tried to do that and I think it helped. And then there was distance and he said it was because he wa always so tired because he has been working extra so we will have money to cover the wedding and our honeymoon, and also we bought a house and have been fixing it up. When he is not at work, he is over at the house doing things.
Last night, I tried to call him at the other house and he didn’t answer. I had something really important I needed to talk to him about, and so I stopped and got some food for us, and went on over to the house. I expected to find him working like I had many other times, but instead he was sitting on the floor smoking out of what I think was called a glass bong. My heart sank and I didn’t even know what to say. I asked him what he was doing, what was it he was using, was it meth? And he said no. it was some kind of legal spice or something and he had been using it to relax. We had a HUGE fight and I told him I didn’t even know who he was, and this was all crazy. That’s not what you do when you are stressed out and working too hard. I went home and told him to stay there because I didn’t want to be around him when his eyes were all glazed and he was so defensive. I told him to come home when he was ready to be honest and we would talk. He has called and texted me all day, and every time I talk to him he is telling me Im overreacting. That its not illegal, its fine, he will just stop. Please forgive him .
We are going to talk tonight after he gets home from work. Im not here to be told to leave him, and don’t marry him. I want to know what to do to help him, what he should know he needs to do for himself. Is this stuff bad? Could he be addicted?
I have heard about spice and from what I can tell it was being sold legally, but now it is illegal, and it is also very dangerous. The thing is I don’t even know if it was spice, or if it was meth. I have been trying to figure it out and was hoping you could help me.
Ive known him like I said for about three years now, and in that time he has had a couple relapses with drugs but not meth. Or at least the told me it wasn’t meth I really don’t know about drugs.
But why Im here is because for the last few months he has been acting a little strange, pulled back a little from me, and when ive asked him about it, he always has an excuse like its because he Im always asking him about wedding plans and his opinion on things, and it just stresses him out. He tells me he wants me to have the wedding of my dreams, and he wants to help plan, but not be involved in every little decision. So I tried to do that and I think it helped. And then there was distance and he said it was because he wa always so tired because he has been working extra so we will have money to cover the wedding and our honeymoon, and also we bought a house and have been fixing it up. When he is not at work, he is over at the house doing things.
Last night, I tried to call him at the other house and he didn’t answer. I had something really important I needed to talk to him about, and so I stopped and got some food for us, and went on over to the house. I expected to find him working like I had many other times, but instead he was sitting on the floor smoking out of what I think was called a glass bong. My heart sank and I didn’t even know what to say. I asked him what he was doing, what was it he was using, was it meth? And he said no. it was some kind of legal spice or something and he had been using it to relax. We had a HUGE fight and I told him I didn’t even know who he was, and this was all crazy. That’s not what you do when you are stressed out and working too hard. I went home and told him to stay there because I didn’t want to be around him when his eyes were all glazed and he was so defensive. I told him to come home when he was ready to be honest and we would talk. He has called and texted me all day, and every time I talk to him he is telling me Im overreacting. That its not illegal, its fine, he will just stop. Please forgive him .
We are going to talk tonight after he gets home from work. Im not here to be told to leave him, and don’t marry him. I want to know what to do to help him, what he should know he needs to do for himself. Is this stuff bad? Could he be addicted?
I have heard about spice and from what I can tell it was being sold legally, but now it is illegal, and it is also very dangerous. The thing is I don’t even know if it was spice, or if it was meth. I have been trying to figure it out and was hoping you could help me.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry you are going through this, but to be honest, there isn't really anything you can do for him. If he truly wants recovery, he already knows what to do. He's been here before, so he knows what he is doing.
You might want to post in our Friends and Family forum where you will find others who have dealt with this issue. Here's a link...
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You might want to post in our Friends and Family forum where you will find others who have dealt with this issue. Here's a link...
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Knowledge of what drug he's using isn't going to help you deal with your addict...addict husband if you follow through with your marriage. But the other forum will tell you the strain that loving and living with an addict can be.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Your boyfriend is an addict I guess you know. What you have been seeing in his "distance" and different behavior is exactly what you are thinking - he has been using. Having "caught" him you now know for sure what you feared was the truth.
He is an addict. I am an addict. We are a manipulative bunch and can talk you around in circles. When actively involved in drugs - whatever it may be - we will do anything to protect that addiction and not stop.
Alcohol is legal too but you can find scores of people on this website whose lives are being or have been destroyed by using it. In the end it doesn't matter the legality of it it is what you do with it and what it does to you.
The truth is that as addicts we are never really done being exactly that. You will hear stories - particularly from those of us who still are trying to find a way to get high - of continued "controlled" use of what ever gun we try to put to our heads but that never really works. Any use turns in to obsession.
Your boyfriend has relapsed. I relapsed and am currently recovering from a three year binge after decades of clean living. Because we are never "cured" and never done with it. There are a lucky few of us - and the percentages are low - who can learn a new life. I thought I was one but here I am.
Can you live with that?
He is an addict. I am an addict. We are a manipulative bunch and can talk you around in circles. When actively involved in drugs - whatever it may be - we will do anything to protect that addiction and not stop.
Alcohol is legal too but you can find scores of people on this website whose lives are being or have been destroyed by using it. In the end it doesn't matter the legality of it it is what you do with it and what it does to you.
The truth is that as addicts we are never really done being exactly that. You will hear stories - particularly from those of us who still are trying to find a way to get high - of continued "controlled" use of what ever gun we try to put to our heads but that never really works. Any use turns in to obsession.
Your boyfriend has relapsed. I relapsed and am currently recovering from a three year binge after decades of clean living. Because we are never "cured" and never done with it. There are a lucky few of us - and the percentages are low - who can learn a new life. I thought I was one but here I am.
Can you live with that?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 464
He said his sponsor was controlling and didnt think he was ready to start dating and build a new life for himself.
Spice is very dangerous, regardless of what people say
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Spice is no longer legal. The DEA has made it a schedule I drug, meaning it is illegal in all states and territories of the USA.
That said, it doesn't matter if it was legal, illegal, spice, meth, or anything else. Trying to figure exactly what he was using should be the least of your concerns. There is nothing you can do to help him. Nothing. He has to want to do this himself, and he already knows what to do.
I know you said you didn't want to hear this, but you should not marry this guy, at least until you are sure he is sober. This may require a postponement of the wedding, at least. JMHO.
That said, it doesn't matter if it was legal, illegal, spice, meth, or anything else. Trying to figure exactly what he was using should be the least of your concerns. There is nothing you can do to help him. Nothing. He has to want to do this himself, and he already knows what to do.
I know you said you didn't want to hear this, but you should not marry this guy, at least until you are sure he is sober. This may require a postponement of the wedding, at least. JMHO.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 19
Thank you everyone for your comments, I had a long talk with him yesterday and I feel confident that this was a one off, and hopefully he has learned his lesson. If not, time will tell., But until then I will give him the benefit of the doubt because he has earned that with me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by TanyaScared 
Thank you everyone for your comments, I had a long talk with him yesterday and I feel confident that this was a one off, and hopefully he has learned his lesson. If not, time will tell., But until then I will give him the benefit of the doubt because he has earned that with me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Itallinyourhead
I am an addict, in recovery but an addict none the less. You had mentioned that he had started pulling back, behavior changing before you caught him. I do not know you nor your fiance so please do not take offense, I am being general in saying this. I was addicted to prescription drugs. When I ran low/out, my moods changed, I didn't want to be around anyone and would find every reason to get out of plans. I would call friends and family (who didn't know of my problem) and cry that I was in pain, that my doctor wasn't answering my calls, the pharmacy was closed, the insurance company screwed up...any lie that would get me even ONE pill. And my husband, who knew very little of my addiction, believed my lies, because we, addicts, are EXCELLANT liars. We will do what we have to ease our "pain" even if it means lies on top of lies, and hurting those closest to us to hide our addiction. Please do not be naive, as you have little experience in this. No matter what the drug, educate yourself. Surf the net. Look for the signs. He will not sober up until he is ready. The stress of a wedding or a new relationship is a huge strain on someone struggling to remain sober. We have grown to rely on drugs/alcohol to ease our stress and pain and sometimes break. Wait until kids come into the picture!!!! If hes braking now, please please slow down and let him get help. I do not mean to upset or discourage you and honestly hope for both of you that it was a one time use.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
I believe Italli and I have said the same thing as addicts. We are experienced liars and manipulators. You are being naive to think that this was a one of occurrence as the behavior you have been witnessing indicates he has been using for a while.
Recoveringed
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Thump
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by Itallinyourhead
I am an addict, in recovery but an addict none the less. You had mentioned that he had started pulling back, behavior changing before you caught him. I do not know you nor your fiance so please do not take offense, I am being general in saying this. I was addicted to prescription drugs. When I ran low/out, my moods changed, I didn't want to be around anyone and would find every reason to get out of plans. I would call friends and family (who didn't know of my problem) and cry that I was in pain, that my doctor wasn't answering my calls, the pharmacy was closed, the insurance company screwed up...any lie that would get me even ONE pill. And my husband, who knew very little of my addiction, believed my lies, because we, addicts, are EXCELLANT liars. We will do what we have to ease our "pain" even if it means lies on top of lies, and hurting those closest to us to hide our addiction. Please do not be naive, as you have little experience in this. No matter what the drug, educate yourself. Surf the net. Look for the signs. He will not sober up until he is ready. The stress of a wedding or a new relationship is a huge strain on someone struggling to remain sober. We have grown to rely on drugs/alcohol to ease our stress and pain and sometimes break. Wait until kids come into the picture!!!! If hes braking now, please please slow down and let him get help. I do not mean to upset or discourage you and honestly hope for both of you that it was a one time use.
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