KyGal

I have always been so against drugs I liked to drink socially I just couldn't understand how someone could let something like a pill run their lives.Ive watched my dad who was horribly abusive to my mother go through being an alcoholic he was so twisted he would feed my dog valiums.He had this weird fetish with smelling my sisters and my hands every morning he said so he would know if "we touched ourselves at night" he then got addicted to crack moved away after they divorced I was 8.He got addicted to crack list everything his business, home etc....he then moved back he's now on methadone and takes Xanax to take with it for a high.he is really not in my life.there is a lot of my childhood I've blocked out I think.


In high school I met a boy he was charming and sweet for the first year.Then he got verbally abusive to me then not long after he got controlling then physical.He would beat me with belts, fists whatever.He then confessed he was molested at 15.So I thought I could "fix " him he did pills and drank ocassionaly.
It got more physical him threatening to kill me and kill himself we fought over razor blades, drano, shot guns, revolvers he would rip the phone out of the wall so I couldn't call the cops then break my cell.

I just got so numb to everything I felt like a walking zombie I stopped eating hoping I'd just dissapear someday.I then started working out alot it was the one thing that made me feel free.Id stay at the gym or the track for hours running 8-9 miles most days of the week.

One night it got so bad he broke a bone in my hand while I had my arm in my face trying to protect myself.My entire hand turned black all the way to my elbow.I went to the er the next day told them I fell on some ice. They X-ray"d it gave me 7.5 hydro.I took one the room spun and I threw up but I felt something!! I felt good and even more numb to everything he did or said.

So I kept taking them from time to time the days I just couldn't handle the abuse.The last night I let him abuse me He beat me with my studded belt and threw me in the floor ripped my clothes choked me and raped me.Right then I decided I have to chose his life or mine because one of us is going to end up dead.I made a plan I got him going to counseling and one day I left and never went back!

I was with him and abused for over10 years.i lost 10 freaking years!!

After I left the phone calls started he was going to kill me , shoot me etc... Then come back I love you I miss you I'm much better now.
I went and got a DVO on him scared for my life. I shook while they made me stand near him.Him denying everything ! I had photos, voicemails , emails etc...
He had no clue I took photos of the abuse. It threw him for a loop and he knew he was caught up in his own lies .

I got the DVO he stayed away. But would write things about me on Facebook.
Going through this was so hard I'm a nervous person from seeing abuse growing up and I just couldn't /didn't deal.

I started self medicating any kind of opiate now I feel like I can't go without it it's going on 2 years and I want to be my old self again I want my energy back! I want to be happy.

Everyone on my dads side has had some kind of problem with drugs or alcohol.My sister is an alcoholic has been since she was 18, she was on coke then got off the stuff but still drinks every single day she can't go without it.


I have decided I should probably talk to someone so I've made an appt. for counseling but I'm so scared to go I ditched the first spot and made another.I just don't know if I can talk face 2 face with a complete stranger and where do I start??

Tom88

Hi KyGal i'm new here too. i've also been addicted to opiates for the last 3 years and have been scared to go to meetings. i actually was gonna go to my first meeting today but we had an incident with my dog (his eye popped out of his head) so i had to take him and my parents to an animal hospital an hour away so i missed the only one scheduled. I've also been scared to talk to someone but i also realize that i need to fix myself.i come from a family full of addicts too so i know how you feel, this site is great for talking to people going through the same thing you are so id recommend talking to people on here.