relapsed and feel like crap
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 7
relapsed and feel like crap
Hey guys, 
I'm a recovering benzo addict and went into detox a year and a half ago. Since then, I've had a few "slip-ups," but have basically done well to stay sober. However, about 4 months ago I went through a fairly traumatic experience and developed severe anxiety for the next 2 months. During those 2 months, I used klonopin (my drug of choice) several times a week. I realized I was slipping down a path to self-destruction, and was determined to get back on track. I managed to stay sober for the past 6 weeks, but unfortunately last night I relapsed.
Normally I use in order to feel "normal," since my recent anxiety has made me feel this strange, panicky, almost out-of-body-like feeling. Last night I felt like jumping out of my skin.. I had the jitters and couldn't relax. I just wanted to "fix" that unsettled feeling, and klonopins are the only things that seem to make me feel better during those times. Obviously it's a temporary fix, because today I feel like absolute crap. Exhausted, irritable, and full of regret. It makes me wonder if I'm strong enough to ever stay sober for good. I know I need more support, but I'm very reluctant to ask for help. Can anyone relate or give any insight? Thanks for listening
I'm a recovering benzo addict and went into detox a year and a half ago. Since then, I've had a few "slip-ups," but have basically done well to stay sober. However, about 4 months ago I went through a fairly traumatic experience and developed severe anxiety for the next 2 months. During those 2 months, I used klonopin (my drug of choice) several times a week. I realized I was slipping down a path to self-destruction, and was determined to get back on track. I managed to stay sober for the past 6 weeks, but unfortunately last night I relapsed.
Normally I use in order to feel "normal," since my recent anxiety has made me feel this strange, panicky, almost out-of-body-like feeling. Last night I felt like jumping out of my skin.. I had the jitters and couldn't relax. I just wanted to "fix" that unsettled feeling, and klonopins are the only things that seem to make me feel better during those times. Obviously it's a temporary fix, because today I feel like absolute crap. Exhausted, irritable, and full of regret. It makes me wonder if I'm strong enough to ever stay sober for good. I know I need more support, but I'm very reluctant to ask for help. Can anyone relate or give any insight? Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 313
Hey Charlie, you've been clean before so you KNOW you can do it again, right? I'm not a doctor but if there are persistent emotional issues in your situation, perhaps some professional assistance can steer you to a solution. Remember how "temporary" that last fix was the next time your DOC starts whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
Hi Charli...glad you are here and you are here for a reason. First of all you cannot sit and beat yourself up cause you relapsed. I have had that same sick feeling of knowing I went the wrong direction. No you need to take action. You can do this. Get back on the horse and stay sober again. You obviously know that it was not what you wanted and the drug use will eventually not work to help your moods or fix your emptiness. Sobriety is the only way to go cause you are not going to get what you want with the drugs except heartache and more pain.
You can do it....one day at a time. Stay positive and tell yourself to move forward, not backward.
You can do it....one day at a time. Stay positive and tell yourself to move forward, not backward.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Lexington, Ky
Posts: 13
Hi Charli,
I know that crappy feeling all too well. I relapsed last Sunday. Had 2 months clean. But the relapse was very brief and I was miserable the whole time. I only used for one day and night. I used to go for 4 or 5 days until I stopped. The fact I quit after 1 day shows me my recovery is working. I have learned in my intensive outpatient program that relapse is a part of recovery. Doesnt mean its ok, its just normal. You cant measure success without failure. You are clean today and thats what counts. TODAY u r clean. Do not beat yourself up, what happened was all a part of the disease of addiction. Your clean times will start to be longer and longer. You may slip again and u may not. Just use it as a learning experience and move on. The important thing is u r here and seeking help, that should tell u a lot. You are human, we make mistakes, Now learn from it and use it as a tool to keep u from relapsing in future. I wish u the best. Keep your head up and stay strong. You can beat this !!! Melanie
I know that crappy feeling all too well. I relapsed last Sunday. Had 2 months clean. But the relapse was very brief and I was miserable the whole time. I only used for one day and night. I used to go for 4 or 5 days until I stopped. The fact I quit after 1 day shows me my recovery is working. I have learned in my intensive outpatient program that relapse is a part of recovery. Doesnt mean its ok, its just normal. You cant measure success without failure. You are clean today and thats what counts. TODAY u r clean. Do not beat yourself up, what happened was all a part of the disease of addiction. Your clean times will start to be longer and longer. You may slip again and u may not. Just use it as a learning experience and move on. The important thing is u r here and seeking help, that should tell u a lot. You are human, we make mistakes, Now learn from it and use it as a tool to keep u from relapsing in future. I wish u the best. Keep your head up and stay strong. You can beat this !!! Melanie
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