Thing I have heard...maybe you have as well!
I am Trying
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 9
Thing I have heard...maybe you have as well!
We all hear things during this life. Many are repetitive in nature. I am sure you have a list of your own. I was in a Dr. office today and thinking of many I have heard. I thought I would list some of mine…both repetitive and not…things I have heard as well as things I have said. I am curious to hear some of yours if you decide to share:
“33 year old male, losing blood, blood pressure dropping and cant stabilize”. I hear that as I woke up in an ambulance on 12/02/2004. I put my guitar down and walked away from the stage and went right out. Bleeding ulcer…and I don’t even drink. Stress is a killer…truly.
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“It’s all in your head”. I always love that one. You need no medical experience to make that statement to someone like me who suffers from anxiety, panic and at times, depression. I know it is in my head you stupid ass, where the hell else would it be?
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“I like you but not in that way”. OK, this one was a term from elementary school that I heard from girls when I used to be the fat kid. Once high school hit and I got ripped and then hit the marines…I never heard that again. It was quite the opposite. I ended up with stalker women. Still bothers me to this day, and I assume that accounts for my pointless conquests of my past.
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“Just tell yourself you are better”. Do you not think that any of us would love this little magic trick to work lol. I mean really.
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“Things didn’t go to plan? There are rules of engagement and you abandoned all of them”. I heard that more that once in the middle east. I was never one for following rules of engagement. I will be honest, I was never wrong either and It saved my live and others more than once. Rules in a war? Are you effin’ kidding me? We always were to follow them but the enemy wiped their a*s on them lol.
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“You are a well-rounded individual, who suffers from General Anxiety Disorder. I want you to come down off the Xanax. Now, you will take this Busparine while taking the Xanax”. Famous last words. I followed the orders from the Dr. About 40 minutes in, when I closed my eyes I heard a metal door shut, when I looked left to right, It sounded like a strange machine. I was terrified but oddly couldn’t feel it. I laid still for three hours. I couldn’t even yell if I wanted to. I finally called my pharamacist, who happens to be a good friend and told him. He explained that you should NEVER mix those and always ask a pharmacist, no matter what a Dr. says.
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“I will get better, do better and become a better person. I will have people not feel regret for liking me or loving me. I will be loved like George Bailey in it’s a wonderful life, the character Jimmy Stewart played”. This was said by me years ago in a journal I had. It never panned out. Most women would say things like I love him but sure wish I didn’t. They would say at as a joke, but they meant it. I was not a very good person. I do mean to imply I was an abusive person….just…how could I say….dated many at the same time and was not honest about that aspect.
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“It’s time to die I believe, a good day for it” I said that in 05. I tried. I wont go into detail, as it will be edited….but as you can see, being I am writing this…it didn’t work. I am still here.
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“you think everything is supposed to go your way with your world, well if F’ing does not”- This was said by my ex wife after I had left her (she was not terribly important to me and I didn’t love her at all) I felt bad for her two children she had from a previous relationship, so my idiotic self married her. It was not meant to be. I wanted to leave, didn’t know how. In the meantime I decided to cheat on her with 14 different women. The above was her reply to me owning up to that.
__________________
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen
“33 year old male, losing blood, blood pressure dropping and cant stabilize”. I hear that as I woke up in an ambulance on 12/02/2004. I put my guitar down and walked away from the stage and went right out. Bleeding ulcer…and I don’t even drink. Stress is a killer…truly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“It’s all in your head”. I always love that one. You need no medical experience to make that statement to someone like me who suffers from anxiety, panic and at times, depression. I know it is in my head you stupid ass, where the hell else would it be?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I like you but not in that way”. OK, this one was a term from elementary school that I heard from girls when I used to be the fat kid. Once high school hit and I got ripped and then hit the marines…I never heard that again. It was quite the opposite. I ended up with stalker women. Still bothers me to this day, and I assume that accounts for my pointless conquests of my past.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Just tell yourself you are better”. Do you not think that any of us would love this little magic trick to work lol. I mean really.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Things didn’t go to plan? There are rules of engagement and you abandoned all of them”. I heard that more that once in the middle east. I was never one for following rules of engagement. I will be honest, I was never wrong either and It saved my live and others more than once. Rules in a war? Are you effin’ kidding me? We always were to follow them but the enemy wiped their a*s on them lol.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
“You are a well-rounded individual, who suffers from General Anxiety Disorder. I want you to come down off the Xanax. Now, you will take this Busparine while taking the Xanax”. Famous last words. I followed the orders from the Dr. About 40 minutes in, when I closed my eyes I heard a metal door shut, when I looked left to right, It sounded like a strange machine. I was terrified but oddly couldn’t feel it. I laid still for three hours. I couldn’t even yell if I wanted to. I finally called my pharamacist, who happens to be a good friend and told him. He explained that you should NEVER mix those and always ask a pharmacist, no matter what a Dr. says.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
“I will get better, do better and become a better person. I will have people not feel regret for liking me or loving me. I will be loved like George Bailey in it’s a wonderful life, the character Jimmy Stewart played”. This was said by me years ago in a journal I had. It never panned out. Most women would say things like I love him but sure wish I didn’t. They would say at as a joke, but they meant it. I was not a very good person. I do mean to imply I was an abusive person….just…how could I say….dated many at the same time and was not honest about that aspect.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
“It’s time to die I believe, a good day for it” I said that in 05. I tried. I wont go into detail, as it will be edited….but as you can see, being I am writing this…it didn’t work. I am still here.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
“you think everything is supposed to go your way with your world, well if F’ing does not”- This was said by my ex wife after I had left her (she was not terribly important to me and I didn’t love her at all) I felt bad for her two children she had from a previous relationship, so my idiotic self married her. It was not meant to be. I wanted to leave, didn’t know how. In the meantime I decided to cheat on her with 14 different women. The above was her reply to me owning up to that.
__________________
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I think every single one of us creates or buys into a set of "rules for engagement"
we all create this bubble of ideas and beliefs we operate from. Sometimes we cling to them long after they've served their purpose, sometimes we have to drink/use to keep playing out something we not longer believe in, but are afraid to let go of.
and some of us dissolve the bubble and it becomes "anything goes"
I've found that I have to create a bubble of purpose, rather than specific beliefs and behaviors. Like you doing what it took to save your life and your buddies lives. That was the purpose, and a worthy one.
Hanging on to old roles, beliefs, relationships patterns nearly killed me, I traded it in for "anything goes" it nearly killed me.
now I am trying "what it takes to fulfill my purpose" and I am growing.
I heard all sorts of stuff too. Stuff I told myself and stuff other people told me, and most of it was about protecting that "bubble" rather than living for a real purpose.
I was protecting my bubble, and they were protecting theirs, to the point of ridiculous.
Here is one I hear all the time
"You're so interesting, an amazing women" and then they exit stage left..."interesting" means "too darn weird for me"
or "you couldn't have a problem, you seem so together"..meaning "don't you dare fall apart, I need YOU to be there for ME."
Or, "how about them Bears?" (the football team) meaning. "lets change the subject, because I'm not comfortable talking about our relationship, finances, etc etc etc.
or my fave
"Are you taking your medication?"
implying that because I have been diagnosed bi-polar, any and all issues in relationships automatically default to me being "crazy" and non-compliant with treatment. Even if I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing to address my MOOD disorder.
we all create this bubble of ideas and beliefs we operate from. Sometimes we cling to them long after they've served their purpose, sometimes we have to drink/use to keep playing out something we not longer believe in, but are afraid to let go of.
and some of us dissolve the bubble and it becomes "anything goes"
I've found that I have to create a bubble of purpose, rather than specific beliefs and behaviors. Like you doing what it took to save your life and your buddies lives. That was the purpose, and a worthy one.
Hanging on to old roles, beliefs, relationships patterns nearly killed me, I traded it in for "anything goes" it nearly killed me.
now I am trying "what it takes to fulfill my purpose" and I am growing.
I heard all sorts of stuff too. Stuff I told myself and stuff other people told me, and most of it was about protecting that "bubble" rather than living for a real purpose.
I was protecting my bubble, and they were protecting theirs, to the point of ridiculous.
Here is one I hear all the time
"You're so interesting, an amazing women" and then they exit stage left..."interesting" means "too darn weird for me"
or "you couldn't have a problem, you seem so together"..meaning "don't you dare fall apart, I need YOU to be there for ME."
Or, "how about them Bears?" (the football team) meaning. "lets change the subject, because I'm not comfortable talking about our relationship, finances, etc etc etc.
or my fave
"Are you taking your medication?"
implying that because I have been diagnosed bi-polar, any and all issues in relationships automatically default to me being "crazy" and non-compliant with treatment. Even if I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing to address my MOOD disorder.
I am Trying
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 9
Thank you for your reply. I have often wondered if I am Bi-Polar...however, I am not quite sure how to gauge that at all. Too darn weird for me was an interesting example you used. Funny, at 31-37 (I am now 40 as you can see in my pic..and I am not happy with 40 l0l). My weirdness if you will, served me well in the women department. I was strange, mix that with my guitar and songwriting and cd's and it became almost the cool artist thing...it brought people to me somehow..almost cultish in nature. At 40 it is not cool anymore for me to be the odd one, the one who walks out of a place eating because I am anxious. It becomes "what the hell is wrong with him?" Sure I could go into the whole I got shot up in the sands by the republican guard and I was a recon marine...but that to me holds no bragging rights. I was never the one to sit at a bar and tell war stories...hell..I dont even drink.
At present, I am on day four of the xanax detox and the world seems a bit off to me....I assume that is to be expected. I feel badly about the things you have heard that you listed. It is a poor excuse on their end and no matter what they say I am sure you have some amazing qualities (and if you are like me...some quarks as well) that given the right person..the right circumstance...those will be the things they love about you the most.
At present, I am on day four of the xanax detox and the world seems a bit off to me....I assume that is to be expected. I feel badly about the things you have heard that you listed. It is a poor excuse on their end and no matter what they say I am sure you have some amazing qualities (and if you are like me...some quarks as well) that given the right person..the right circumstance...those will be the things they love about you the most.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 3
We all have our stories and some are worse or more bizarre then others. I can tell you that artistic, creative people are very different. I was always the "black sheep" or in my own world and as I got older, I just wanted to fit in...Now, I don't...I feel that society makes rules that are off kilter. I personally don't think it's healthy for us to be up 24/7..when I feel down, I watch mindless television..I get out of my own head..knowing tomorrow will be a better day..I have found that compassion for others and myself is key!
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