sadmabel

I guess I wont sleep again. I'll cry again. I'll wonder what tomorrow will bring. I'll worry what my son will be doing this week since he lost his job. I'll hope he calls to set up his outpatient treatment and therapy. I'll worry that he wont. I'll worry that he will find something to steal from us while we're at work. I'll worry about him being bored. I'll worry about him using because he's bored, or sad, or alone. I'll worry about getting through work tomorrow. I'll cry for my son. I'll cry for my family. I'll cry about not remembering the last time I was happy. I'll wonder how I can go on a week a month. What will next year bring? Can it get worse? Will he get better? Will he find a job? Will he ever be happy? Can I ever be happy again if he is not better? Will my husband and I fall apart? Will my daughter move out cause she can't take it anymore? Should I tell him to leave instead if that happens? Where will he go? Will he get worse if he leaves? Will he get better if I tell him to leave? What if he is high when I get home? Should I call to check on him during the day? Should I ignore him?
This is my brain with my son on drugs, I hate this

NatalieN

Oh Mabel how I wish I could say something that would offer you peace but I have no words really. The one thing that offers me peace time and time again is the absolute certainty that everything in this world changes and evolves constantly. Not one thing is immune to change. This too shall pass. You and your son will be on my thoughts tonight.

sadmabel

Just knowing someone is listening helps. I just wish I could shut these thoughts off, but then I get afraid it will get worse if I'm not watching, thinking.

SeekingGrowth

Hi, sadmabel. Like you, I am a parent of a drug addict. Actually, I should say "was," as my son passed away on April 4. I can completely relate to how you are feeling. Also like you, I often hang out and post on the substance abuse forum because I want to understand addiction and recovery better, and because it gives me hope to see addicts working and succeeding at recovery. That being said, you should try posting this particular post on the Friends & Family of Substance Abusers forum. So many there are also parents of addicts and have been in your shoes, and they have a wealth of knowledge and experience to share about how to endure the heartbreak of loving an addict. They are also very kind and supportive. I hope you feel better and find some peace.