drums

hello guys im new here and im a drug addict..

im a 21 years old male. Ive tried everything to quit i been to rehab once.
I feel like **** right now my mom just found out a bottle of cough syrup which is my favorite drug.
Both of my parents have gotten to a point where all they do is yell at me like they hate me.
I just wanna run away i feel like all they care about is their money and they rub on my face all the time how tired they are of helping me. They dont understand what is like to be a drug addict and this is the first time i call myself that. I been able to quit when my girlfriend lived with me but they made me move out of town and now they wont even let me go out to meet new people because they are scared im gonna go out and get high.
I been consuming drugs for five years Im really sad i would like them not to care and have an open mind about it.
None of my friends mind me getting high, and ive never done anything stupid while high.
Please help me, i dont wanna talk to my parents ever again, I cant even come out my room i know all they will do is yell at me, they dont believe in me anymore.
When my mom found out my bottle i just wanted to kill my self to avoid confrontation with her and ive never felt like this before.
I cant even be happy all i wanna do is go out and talk to a friend but they wont be happy if i do so, thats why im here..
Please help me...

finaltime

Welcome. I am sad to hear about your sad state right now. can you please sit both of your parents down and tell them exactly how you are feeling? Helpless, isolated, lost. You need help. I have also abused cough syrup, and realized after that crazy time how much more cough syrup caused crazy irrational feelings, and depression. I did not think rational or clearly on that drug. And I would beat myself up after the high to say I would never do that again, all to find myself next day stopping by the pharmacy to get 2 more bottles!!!! Please please please seek help. Call a help line, talk to your parents, call a family member. I know it is scary but you can do this. Please. Keep writing.

Threshold

I agree with the above poster. When things got beyond where I could handle them, I have had to reach out to people and options that I really didn't want to have to resort to.

I have very few friends here and when i get antsy in the middle of the night, I sometimes have to call help line. What is awesome about them is that they have steered me towards resources I didn't know about, or hadn't realized could help me.

Feeling trapped is the worst, finding out there are options has been a huge relief for me. I just didn't know how to find my way out of addiction, or my messed up family life, or my own guilt, shame and fear. But I reached out and then made myself listen, because mostly at first I wanted to argue and come up with reasons why things WOULDN'T work, I was afraid to do the hard work to get clean and learn to handle life, and I was also afraid to try something and have it not work, and then have to try something else. I was scared of the entire process, but now that I've done it, it's worth it.

drums

thanks so much for writing back my dad just called but im scared to answer. I know that he will just yell. He hit me before while i was high. Ill try talking to a friend or something but its tell them that i cant quit because not much people now about this and the people that know are addicts also.. Just the fact o f knowing that there is more people like me makes me feel better.
Ill write you guys back in a little while

SeekingGrowth

Drums, I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling sad and miserable. I was the parent of a 19-year-old heroin addict, so I thought that I might be able to shed some light on the “parent perspective.” From what you say, I doubt that your parents hate you or care only about money. On the contrary, I suspect that they love you very much, but that they are frustrated and scared because they see their beloved son choosing to self-destruct, and there is not a damn thing they can do about it. At your age, if you are not moving forward in your life, then you are moving backward. This is the time to build for the future, and many of your peers are going to school or working at jobs that will lead to promotions and career growth. Drug addiction will at best keep you treading water; at worst, it will take you on a downward spiral that could end with jail, homelessness, or death (which is what happened to my son).

I’m not saying these things to make you feel worse than you already feel. But please understand - your parents can’t possibly keep an “open mind” to their beloved son’s deliberate self-destruction. How could they ever do that? They can’t “not care” because they love you.

You said that you’ve been to rehab and have “tried everything” to quit. So try again. Keep trying. If you’ve been to rehab, then you have the tools. Living as a drug addict is no way to live. There is happiness, peace, and success on the other side of that increasingly dark place. It’s tough getting across that bridge (so to speak – I think I’ve taken this metaphor about as far as it can go…!), but there are lots of people on this board who will tell you that it’s worth it.

Titsgirl

Makes me sad for you. You need your parents love. It is hard for thosethat dont use to understand. At least you are talking about it and admitting you have a problem.

drums

Seeking growth im so sorry to hear about your son. My dad just called me and he didnt sound angry but thats maybe because i told my sister i wanted to run away and get a job.
My parents still insist that i should finish college and i want to too. I really wish someday i get a good job and have a family that loves me.
I just read a suicide letter and made me feel so sad for the people that surrounded that kid. He appeared to be so lost. It was really warming to hear my dads advices. My mom is a strong woman and she is still mad. She just walked in while i was talking to my friend and i was crying and she called my dad and told him to call me. Sometimes this is the feedback that i need. I need to confront my problems and go outside my room just to have the feeling that their gonna sleep tonight.
I know its worth quitting. I know its a better life. I felt strong after rehab for a few months.
My dad said i should spend all my day with him if i didnt feel like going back to rehab maybe this will help. At least i still have another shot.

Thank you guys for the support i really feel better now at least i feel strong enough to get out of my room and eat something.

Ill be back to tell you guys how everything goes and help another folks with their problem. Sometimes people just need somebody to listen.

sadmabel

Drums

My son is your age and an addict. I know how hard it is for you and my son to quit but as they say its a family disease. I love my son so much but sometimes I yell too. Not because I hate him but because I love him so much. It is very hard to see someone you love so much hurt themselves. I realize now that I cant yell or scream this outta him but I still lose it sometimes. I know that makes him sad just as you say it makes you sad but everytime I look in my sons eyes I feel sad. And I get angry at the drug, not him. I hope you get help. You CAN quit. The first step will be the hardest for you and my son but you will make it. It will probably be your parents that get you the help and you will look back when your drug no longer has control of your brain and thank them

drums

Thanks its hard to think like a parent if you arent one i guess. Its really curious i just saw m mom eyes and in her eyes i could just see what she was feeling it a desperate look that wants to help me but its very confused.
Sometimes its just good to know that people care about you.

Im really good right now almost as if i was high, i dont know why. Maybe admiting my addiction made me feel this way or knowing that things could be worse. But it is okay to feel like this? I like feeling sad because that makes me realize that i have guilt and a problem and feeling good about myself right now just doenst seem right.

sadmabel

Drums,

I know my son feels alot of guilt and shame. Sometimes I break down and cry to the point of hyperventilating. I know it hurts him to see what he is doing to me, his dad and and his sister and maybe the guilt makes him use more. Then i feel guilty for upsetting him! Like I said, a family disease. What I wish he would understand about the shame and guilt thing is that there is not ONE thing that I have not forgiven him for already. He has stolen from me, lied to me continuously, said horrible things to me, his dad, his sister, and let me down so many times. But I could honestly never think of one of those things again if he would get off these pills. I want my son back. I'm not mad at him. He didn't know this would happen when he started and I dont expect it to be easy for him to stop. But I do expect him to TRY to stop. Not on his own but with professional help.
Its interesting to me that we both just joined today. Maybe we were meant to meet this way. You know how my son feels and I know how your parents feel. But we're talking to each other.
Take care

drums

Im sorry to hear about your son i really dont wish this to anybody. This is a terrible disease I really wish go back in time and be like all these normal teenagers. I dont wanna wake up never again feeling the need of a substance just to make me not think of failure. Or to help me deal with anxiety thru the day. Its hard to let myself help. Sometimes i would just tell these doctors and my parents what they wanted to hear and in the insibe think: "i cant wait to go out and buy drugs". Its hard to realize that i need help by myself.
The reason i dont wanna go into rehab ive already lost two years of school. And this is the first time ive been really open to people its hard to tell my parents how i feel. I dont want them to think that im weak. Even with my sister, i cant even tell her how i feel inside or why i take drugs. Its even hard for me to realize why i do it because there is a lot of reasons. I have a lof excuses but i just do it to think that i feel good when i should feel good for others reasons like having people that love me.
Its sad to admit that Im and addict and i need help because that puts me in a perpective where im the bad guy and all these times that i told them they should respect me and my body i was wrong.

drums

Im just glad its been one more day of being sober. I really feel good i could accomplished i could have easily left from my house but i chose not to. Maybe staying in my room was not the best choice, i mean, i could of talk to my mom but i want some time to pass. I dont wanna come out like nothing happened. But day by day i dont know how long i will last this time thanks everyone again for all the feedback. it does really help to see my problem from a different perspective.

SeekingGrowth

Hey, Drums, I'm really tired and about to go to bed, but I just have to throw out a few thoughts in response to your post. I'll try to be coherent! First, addiction is a disease, driven by a lot of different things. You are not the "bad guy" because you have this disease, any more than you would be the "bad guy" if you had diabetes. However, the responsible thing of course is to TREAT it - you wouldn't just do nothing if you have diabetes, either, right? You would get treatment for it.

Second - you want to get this taken care of once and for all, right? I mean, I know people can relapse under the best of circumstances, but you want to give yourself the best possible chance of success, don't you? Doesn't really make sense to take a half-a**ed approach, slip, and slip again, and have this thing drag out for years and years. It is tough climbing out of the rabbit hole, and ideally, you'd like to do it once, be done with it, and go on to have a happy, healthy, and successful life, right? So ... if another round of rehab provides the best way to build your strength, tools for recovery, and emotional stability, then you should go for it. Don't worry about wasting time when you could be in school. Don't worry about appearing weak. If you take a half-a**ed approach to recovery, you won't be in school anyway, most likely.

And what do you think of NA? I know that so many people credit NA for their successful recovery.

OK, I'm going to bed now. Congrats on being sober today. Hope you have a good night, and can keep up the good fight tomorrow.

sadmabel

Drums,
I appreciate hearing things from your perspective too. M son just got up and is not high. My anxiety is starting now. I am hoping he doesn't use today but he probably did. The days when he doesn't, one or two days a week are so peaceful to me. I see what our lives would be like without this addiction and feel hope, just to be knocked back into reality the next day. It hurts more everyday. My son is a smart kid, was using his senior years of HS and didn't go to college. He started working at a job he really seemed to like, got clean to get the job, and stayed clean for a while. When his use started up again, things went downhill. He lost his job Friday. He says he wants to go to college but I told him he needs to concentrate on getting better first. In my mind, no matter where he works, where he goes to school, etc his feet are in quicksand until he gets clean. As far as being weak, I tell my son his weakness is the drugs. Anyone that makes an effort to get clean is strong.
Let us know how today goes and good luck

likehappiness

Drums, the fact that you admitted you have a problem and now that you are going in the wrong direction is a HUGE step. You can beat this. Many of us have but realize, you have to want to feel better.

Your parents are frustrated and I think you that you are going to have to show them that you can stay sober.

I think you need to start with one day at a time and take care of you. It's easy to sit and beat ourselves up about our addictions....now TAKE ACTION. Stay clean, do things you used to love to do, enroll back in college, study and believe in yourself. The only thing drugs and alcohol will do for all of us is make us move backwards.

kindness

After years of relapsing, my parents are pretty much over me. They were over me the first time they found out I was an alcoholic. Sometimes people just don't understand when they haven't been in your shoes. I suggest you ask your parents if you can go to an NA or AA meeting. Even if you do not want to quit right now, you will still be able to get out of the house and meet new people that will accept you and you might get a good message at the same time.

drums

Sorry for not writing back, my dad picked me up and wasnt mad at me. I think my mom being is doing the "tough love" thing on me and still mad at me. I cant say sorry to her because she used to be an alcoholic and she promised us she wouldnt drink but she still did. And adding all the times i said i wouldnt do it. She just doesnt take me serious at this moment. Im gonna let my actions speak for me. What is working for me is reading and watching rehab stories. Im guessing thinks would be worse if i had a job and bought my drugs. So its really important i quit. Im willing to assist to NA meetings. I have the books and i know how the 12step system works. Thanks to everyone for the support i will keep you guys posted and try to help other folks around with their problem.

tomsteve

None of my friends mind me getting high
they are getting high too? if so, why would they mind it?

I felt strong after rehab for a few months.
what did you stop doing after a few months?

IMO, getting into( not just around) NA would be a great move for ya.

Titsgirl

Proud of your progress. Continue,to seek help and the meetings.