How I am staying clean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: parkersburg, wv
Posts: 178
How I am staying clean
I have been clean for seven months. I had abused rx stimulants, pain pills, benzos for decades. I had tried rehab, psych units, outpatient therapy and NA. None of it worked for me. I tried so hard-but couldn't get past a few weeks. Sometimes I don't know how I got clean and got to the other side-but this is the best way I can sum it up.
I started to envision my life without the drugs-How my life was before the drugs, what I accomplished, what I could accomplish. I started telling myself everyday what a wonderful person I am (I know that sounds vain)-I started envisioning myself as the successful career woman and fantastic Mom that I could be. This was my mental image, and I still wake up with it everyday. Rehab's had stripped me of my dignity so to speak, there wasn't much left. NA had reinforced to me that I was an addict-and my stinkinthinkin told myself after meetings that all I will ever be is an addict. So I thought I would try positive visual imaging. I held on to these thoughts and verbage very tightly during my first month of detoxing at home sick on the couch (while taking care of three little kids)-I never let go of those thoughts.-That I could make it. I have a Masters degree, but had not worked in five years because of my addiction (and I am a widow, lost my husband five years ago to suicide, so I used that as my crunch too to use and abuse drugs. oh poor me thinking)-Well about two months after quitting I started interviewing for jobs. I still felt like ****-My system wasn't back to functioning the way it should, but I could make it all day. I just kept envisioning myself as the successful career woman I could be. I landed the job.-However, the night before starting work, I had a test. I fell and broke my elbow. I was in denial about it and went to work for three weeks with a broken elbow. Finally it got xrayed and couldn't be set and I was told it would heal on its on. I was in severe pain everyday for seven weeks. I was offered pain pills (this is where I was tested, I told myself-I cannot take pills, it will destroy me, I am an addict but it doesn't define me-its just a small part of me. )-So I turned the meds down. Now I am healed and so grateful I didn't take any!
I am saying that I believe addiction can be beat if we change our thinking. Traditional methods didn't work for me.-Hell therapy only made me worse. It's hard for me to believe that a year ago I was shipped away for a psych eval. after accidentially OD on pills. But it happened, I won't run from it. But I am more than my addiction. I am a beautiful, successful, working Mom. I say that to myself everyday when I wake up. Somedays it gets me through the day, other days I don't think about it. What I am saying is that everyone needs to find out what works for them. For me, it was finding my own way, my own path. I wish everyone success in finding their own way. Somedays I don't know how exactly I got clean. But it is a miracle and a miracle I am eternally grateful for.
I started to envision my life without the drugs-How my life was before the drugs, what I accomplished, what I could accomplish. I started telling myself everyday what a wonderful person I am (I know that sounds vain)-I started envisioning myself as the successful career woman and fantastic Mom that I could be. This was my mental image, and I still wake up with it everyday. Rehab's had stripped me of my dignity so to speak, there wasn't much left. NA had reinforced to me that I was an addict-and my stinkinthinkin told myself after meetings that all I will ever be is an addict. So I thought I would try positive visual imaging. I held on to these thoughts and verbage very tightly during my first month of detoxing at home sick on the couch (while taking care of three little kids)-I never let go of those thoughts.-That I could make it. I have a Masters degree, but had not worked in five years because of my addiction (and I am a widow, lost my husband five years ago to suicide, so I used that as my crunch too to use and abuse drugs. oh poor me thinking)-Well about two months after quitting I started interviewing for jobs. I still felt like ****-My system wasn't back to functioning the way it should, but I could make it all day. I just kept envisioning myself as the successful career woman I could be. I landed the job.-However, the night before starting work, I had a test. I fell and broke my elbow. I was in denial about it and went to work for three weeks with a broken elbow. Finally it got xrayed and couldn't be set and I was told it would heal on its on. I was in severe pain everyday for seven weeks. I was offered pain pills (this is where I was tested, I told myself-I cannot take pills, it will destroy me, I am an addict but it doesn't define me-its just a small part of me. )-So I turned the meds down. Now I am healed and so grateful I didn't take any!
I am saying that I believe addiction can be beat if we change our thinking. Traditional methods didn't work for me.-Hell therapy only made me worse. It's hard for me to believe that a year ago I was shipped away for a psych eval. after accidentially OD on pills. But it happened, I won't run from it. But I am more than my addiction. I am a beautiful, successful, working Mom. I say that to myself everyday when I wake up. Somedays it gets me through the day, other days I don't think about it. What I am saying is that everyone needs to find out what works for them. For me, it was finding my own way, my own path. I wish everyone success in finding their own way. Somedays I don't know how exactly I got clean. But it is a miracle and a miracle I am eternally grateful for.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
So happy to hear you are doing good!!! I think about you when I come on here and pray for you! I just hit 4 months yesterday. I wonder how cassandra is doing too. We all started this journey on SR together. Even though I went back out from jan to feb, I am doing good now. Just these last few weeks though I have started thinking about pills though. I was even offered a pain pill at work by a co-teacher!!! Thank GOD I said no. I knew to expect these cravings coming back, and I know I need to stay close to my recovery. My back has been bothering me, and I havent lost any of the weight I gained during my pregnancy. So that is my next goal! Get this body is shape!!!!! Miss you girl and so happy you are doing very well.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
I am at 44 days myself and feel very good. I also have found my own way as you say and have not used AA/NA or face to face counseling but had no particular axe to grind with either technique. I am lucky to have the support of my wife who will do anything to help that she can but does recognize that it is my job and not hers. It is just really nice that she is there and I can go to her anytime I need. As I have awakened from my stupor it has also become obvious that I need to help her as this has not been easy on her. I am very good at hiding, sneaking and lying and it took a while before she realized what a baastard her husband had become.
The point is, however, congratulations to you for what you have accomplished. Your "technique" is well founded. I too have tried to visualize that I am not that worthless scum but, indeed, a worthwhile person who deserves respect from others as well as himself.
The point is, however, congratulations to you for what you have accomplished. Your "technique" is well founded. I too have tried to visualize that I am not that worthless scum but, indeed, a worthwhile person who deserves respect from others as well as himself.
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