william0850

I have been addicted to opiates and other things as long as I can remember. The most I have ever gone clean was two weeks. Every time I try to get clean I fail. I would rather eat a bullet then keep going through this crap. Every time I say this is it I'm done its followed buy a relapse. I know I'm rambling but I'm just at the end of my rope I feel like I'm going crazy. Why do I have absolutely no control over this. Just lost and depressed. Want to feel normal but I'm not I'm just an addict who can't get clean. This is a terrible way to live. I have a professional job and once again I'm going through detox at work. I hope I can kick this before it kicks me more then it already has.

finaltime

I have gone through withdrawals while being at work endless times and I am a teacher!!! Not on purpose of course, but because my dealer couldn't meet me until after work, and my drug addict self took all my pills because I could not save them!!!!! I do not miss those days. I can tell you, if you are truly ready to quit you will quit. You will have to do something other than just try to white knuckle it alone. It took me telling my husband (after literally 4 years of hiding it and I took almost 200mg per day and my worst point). I had to relinquish all rights to my bank accounts and pretty much go back to living like a teenager with an allowance. At 111 days now, I feel better than ever but still do not carry my debit card. Do you have any support? You can do this, put your mind to it, journal your thoughts right now, carry that journal with you every time you get tempted, read your journal. We are here for you!

william0850

Thank you for you kind words. I'm feeling much better today with the help of caffeine. I was doing great for two weeks till my pharmacy called and said my scripts were ready. And of course I went through that in two weeks. I guess I like making myself fell like crap. I just have to break this cycle. I've been in denial for way to long. Me and my addict brain can always come up with an excuse to use.