sponsor?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
HAH! I actually have heard of this happening, but, so far, it has never happened to me, nor have I ever had to put a sponsor on a 4th Step or an 8th Step.
But that could be changing soon....I just had a sponsee tell me on Wednesday that she hated me! (She has to make an amend to a meeting she acted out at.) It was partially a joke, but also partially not, I'm pretty sure. I just laughed and told her what I always used to tell my kids when they would get that way: 1) It's not my job to make you to like me; it's my job to raise you up to be the kind of person who respects herself and others and whom other people respect and can stand to be around; and 2) As long as you're doing what I tell you to do, I really couldn't care less what you say or think about me and/or how much you whine and cry about me or about what I've told you to do.
freya
But that could be changing soon....I just had a sponsee tell me on Wednesday that she hated me! (She has to make an amend to a meeting she acted out at.) It was partially a joke, but also partially not, I'm pretty sure. I just laughed and told her what I always used to tell my kids when they would get that way: 1) It's not my job to make you to like me; it's my job to raise you up to be the kind of person who respects herself and others and whom other people respect and can stand to be around; and 2) As long as you're doing what I tell you to do, I really couldn't care less what you say or think about me and/or how much you whine and cry about me or about what I've told you to do.
freya
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
I was working with one guy and he said he didn't have any resentments. I offered to give him one. :rotfxko
My first sponsor made it because he was bugging me about the fourth step, more specifically, the fifth step. He wasn't buying my excuses so I resented him. The book told me to list my resentments.
My current sponsor called me "passive aggressive" once and that I walked around thinking the world owed me something, so I had a resentment, took it to the list, across the fourth column - did some research and found that I was passive aggressive and carried around a sense of entitlement. Rather childish and grandiose of me. I didn't "harm" him, so no amends were due but when we discussed this item of inventory, I thanked him profusely for waking me up. He actually made an amends to me. That was 9 years ago. I love my sponsor for keeping this **** real.
He also made my list several years ago because I put him on a pedastal and he wasn't living up to the standards of being on that pedastal. That was a rough one, for me, because I was still very childlike. I took it through the inventory process. This experience was awesome. I didn't have the courage to do a fifth step with him on it, and I didn't want to do it with anyone in our area for fear of damaging his reputation. So I sat with it for a week or so, prayed, meditated, ruminated and was walking one night around my neighbor hood listening to Sandy B. Stuck up in my head. Not hearing Sandy B much, but just ruminating over this. I don't know if it was something Sandy B said or not but all of a sudden I remember this thought "Maybe, it's just none of your business". I was immediately set free, I was immediately made aware of how cool, and crisp this April night was. How beautiful the stars were in the sky, the smell of honey suckle permeated the air. I was alive. Giddy, like a school girl I called a brother in the program to shout out loud about how awesome this process is.
My sponsor, still my sponsor, I love him more today. Never thought I could love a man as much as I love my Daddy, but my sponsor comes close.
My Dad made my resentment list too, still does. So does my "heavenly Father" at times.
It's just inventory, it's nothing personal.
Re-sent. Re-feel. I'm refeeling it or I am not, if I am, I put it down.
My first sponsor made it because he was bugging me about the fourth step, more specifically, the fifth step. He wasn't buying my excuses so I resented him. The book told me to list my resentments.
My current sponsor called me "passive aggressive" once and that I walked around thinking the world owed me something, so I had a resentment, took it to the list, across the fourth column - did some research and found that I was passive aggressive and carried around a sense of entitlement. Rather childish and grandiose of me. I didn't "harm" him, so no amends were due but when we discussed this item of inventory, I thanked him profusely for waking me up. He actually made an amends to me. That was 9 years ago. I love my sponsor for keeping this **** real.
He also made my list several years ago because I put him on a pedastal and he wasn't living up to the standards of being on that pedastal. That was a rough one, for me, because I was still very childlike. I took it through the inventory process. This experience was awesome. I didn't have the courage to do a fifth step with him on it, and I didn't want to do it with anyone in our area for fear of damaging his reputation. So I sat with it for a week or so, prayed, meditated, ruminated and was walking one night around my neighbor hood listening to Sandy B. Stuck up in my head. Not hearing Sandy B much, but just ruminating over this. I don't know if it was something Sandy B said or not but all of a sudden I remember this thought "Maybe, it's just none of your business". I was immediately set free, I was immediately made aware of how cool, and crisp this April night was. How beautiful the stars were in the sky, the smell of honey suckle permeated the air. I was alive. Giddy, like a school girl I called a brother in the program to shout out loud about how awesome this process is.
My sponsor, still my sponsor, I love him more today. Never thought I could love a man as much as I love my Daddy, but my sponsor comes close.
My Dad made my resentment list too, still does. So does my "heavenly Father" at times.
It's just inventory, it's nothing personal.
Re-sent. Re-feel. I'm refeeling it or I am not, if I am, I put it down.
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