skeen120

I have been clean for 58 days from opiates / benzos. I have been on opiates straight for 3 1/2 years, and benzos for 12 years straight. I feel angry most of the time. I tend to lose my temper and not be able to control it. I also had a best-friend / ex-boyfriend commit suicide. I think that's causing some of the anger too. I was angry before I found this out though so I know it's not causing all of the anger. I'm on anti-depressant, and anti-anxiety meds but it's not helped at all with the anger. Plus, I am having severe anxiety!
Does this get better? I feel like a child that can't control all of their emotions. I get frustrated easily also!

IvanKatz

Sounds to me like 60 days off isn't enough time for your brain to heal after all those years of drug abuse. You did a lot of damage!
My best advice is to see a licensed shrink if things don't get better. I know because seeing one myself made a huge impact in my life.

likehappiness

Skeen, I was pissed at that world for a long time and that's what helped me be an addict. I used just cause....I was pissed...and had a lot or resentments. Mad at God for taking most of my family away. I no longer have those resentments because I got back my spiritual side. Funny how AA/NA can help you get rid of the stuff that helps keeping you use drugs....for all the mad and angry reasons.

Impurrfect

(((Skeen))) - when we use whatever substance..alcohol, opiates, benzos, crack (my DOC), our brains get rewired. The natural "feel good" chemicals notice that substances are doing it's job, so it's like they go on vacation.

We get clean, into recovery, but our brain takes time to catch up...to realize "Oh, wow, I need to start making the feel good stuff again!"

Though crack is out of your system quite quickly, no physical withdrawals, the mental ones were awful. I was angry and frustrated for quite a while. Suddenly, I had to deal with the consequences of when I was using and my brain chemicals were still on strike (or so it felt).

Think about it...12 years on benzos, 3-1/2 on the opiates. 60 days may seem like an eternity when we are recovering, but I really don't think it's enough time for the brain to start working like it should. I agree with ((Ivan and likehappiness))) - therapy, meetings could possibly help. I can tell you that when I had a full YEAR of recovery, I thought I was hot stuff. It wasn't until I hit 2, then 3, now 5 years that I am still learning. Now, it's more about dealing with life and doing it without chemicals, though I do have PTSD and take medications for sleep. If I don't, I simply cannot sleep, but my dr. is very aware of my addiction history and we work out a plan together.

I also remember constantly reading, here, about gratitude lists. To say I was NOT feeling grateful would be an understatement, but I kept reading it over and over. My first gratitude list had ONE thing on it, and I said it through gritted teeth, full of anger...I was grateful for a soft bed and pillow, as I'd been locked up and what we slept on was anything BUT soft. I kept at it, adding something here and there...simple things, and it really did help, but I definitely went into it kicking and screaming. It gets better, I promise.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

istherehope999

Skeen, I'm 60 days off opiates today and have also had lots of anger. Irritation too, at stupid things that never annoyed me before i struggled with opiates! I'm not sure if I'm really as angry as I feel, or if it is still just a result of the damage I did to my brain chemicals. At this early stage it can be difficult to differentiate. Anger is usually a result of hurt....so if something hurt or offended you, that can sometimes be the reason for the anger because hurts that get ignored or stuffed can easily turn into resentments and anger.

IvanKatz

My experience was the that the anger was born out out not feeling "good". My addict brain wanted pills instead of happiness. You literally have to retrain your brain to go out and experience life, fun, etc. It takes time!

william0850

It takes time to rebound. But that doesn't mean you have to suffer. Be honest with your shrink let them know you are a recovering addict. They might need to adjust the medication your taking. When I was loosening weight I just had to tell myself I did not gain this weight over night and its going to take time and hard work to get my weight back down to normal. You can do it you have come a long way. Aa/NA really helps. Good luck friend.

Aarontg88

I'm thinking the opeites didn't cause this, sounds to me like years and years of bezos have destroyed ur brain

Aarontg88

You should look into vitems for the brain there's powders we can drink that help restore brain simulations

TSDD

IMO don't get too hung up in "fixing" your anger....that may be the glue holding you together.

My personal experience is that I was angry at the world becuase I couldn't get high anymore and I had to go through a greiving process over the loss of what I thought was the love of my life (a buzz).

That anger will probably subside, but most likely not on your schedule or terms. I can promise you can stay clean in that condition and from my own experience and the accounts of people I trust it's about par for the course.

You may find some tips or tricks to help, but I'd encourage you to not beat yourself up too much if you throw some tantrums here and there or are generally in a foul mood for the next year or so. It doesn't mean you're staying clean wrong or failing at something. The best thing you can do is learn not to take yourself too seriously and just put some more time between you and the last time you used.

Odds are better than not that there's nothing wrong with you that some clean time won't fix, and if there's still issues you'll be in a much better position to address them.

You can outlast this. You are likely not as unique as you think and you're not alone.

IvanKatz

TSDD,
I whole heartedly agree! Stopping years Opiate addiction is nearly like losing a best friend or spouse in some ways. The kind that was loving one minute but abusive the next.

jrome14

join a gym, do some kick boxing it will help with the anxiety... hitting something always helps with stress, trust me!!!!

england

I agree - beating the crap out of a punch bag really helps me

Alternatively you could try some relaxation techniques

IvanKatz

I can't really do the gym anymore due to back so I ride the heck out of my bicycle now. After an hour ride, I feel quite calm... tired as heck but calm. It doesn't matter what you do, you just have to get your butt off the couch - even after working a 9 hour day...

hdevil

Skeen,
I suffer from anger as well, my remedy has been a cocktail of excersise,yoga, and a STRONG support group. To me my anger is a direct sign of the spiritual malady which I believe I was born with. In order for me to control my temper I have to treat this malady daily or it will consume me.

Yoga has been a big part of my spiritual treatment this time around. The term actually means "to be yoked with god," and there are many forms of it.


HD

Katiekate

I did a ten year stint with benzos, came off about 30 months ago, I had a lot of anger, I call it benzo rage. Benzos covered all of my feelings, once I was off, i was feeling everything.

It's a ride, but in the end very freeing and necessary.

I feel for you. Be kind to yourself.

xo

sugarbear1

Your brain is healing. It is creating new ways to process dopamine....it's going to take time to heal years of self-inflicted damage.

skeen120

I want to thank you all for your comments. It gives me a lot to think about, and some very good ideals! I talked to the psychiatrist and she figured out that my blood pressure is way to high. All this other time it's been low (I wonder why....) anyway, I'm not as mad now, but my emotions are all over the place. Plus, I started exercising. I've gained some weight so I really need to get off my butt! I also need to start hitting stuff though, like a bag, and not a person, lol!

Hugs to all you! :ghug3