xtroublex

Hi,

I have always been afraid to post in these types of places as if you're not taking huge amounts of a substance people flame you.

I have nowhere left to turn however and even though I don't use on "the pro level" I am concerned that I may be developing a problem.

I use to make the bad feelings in life go away. Is that what most people say? I know it sounds like a weak thing to say but what else can I say but the truth?

Others tell me I don't have a problem because I don't use constantly and I don't steal to get drugs and so forth. But what about the arguments I have inside. I want to take it but I stand there and tell myself how weak I am for not being in control. That if I take the pill I will be giving control to the drug. I tell myself as long as I can resist I am in control not the oxy.

Am I kidding myself? Sometimes I win that battle and sometimes I lose.

I use 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. been doing it for probably a year now. Only this time, the tolorance remained. I had to up my starting dose this round and it scares me.

As I write I'm not even sure why I came here and I feel like I'm a big loser because we're only talking about 15-30 mg

Here it comes. I can hear it now. "You wuss I was swallowing 200 mg every hour" "I wish I could use 30mg" on and on.

Anyway, thanks for listening and I will read your responses.

micealc

Welcome to Sober Recovery xtroublex.....Only you Know Deep inside
what you are Doing.You are experimenting with Danger and at the Moment
you are getting away with it.
My advice to you is have a look at the Reason of your Need to Use.

Id Say you are a young Person....with your Whole Life ahead of you.
Get away from any Type of Drugs/Benzos for your own sake.
They will only Bring Trouble in the Long Run.

I took Tranqualisers/Benzos when I was in my 20s,,,,it took me over 20 years to get off them.....I became depended on them to give my Confidence.....I thought.
But NO.....I got hooked.You Should Go to an NA Meeting and hear what these Drugs
can do and how hard it is too get away from them when you cross that Invisable Line.
Be Good...do the Right thing.....Flush them down the Toilet....unless you are been Treated By A GP for a medical Condition.

Stopdropburn

Welcome xtroublex! First thing I'd like to say is.....once upon a time, I used to be able to take a single Loratab 10 in the morning, and feel great for hours and fine all day, then another the next morning, so on and so forth.....eventually another one later in the evening , then 2 in the morning, then 2 later, then 1 in the middle of the day, then 4 in the morning....etc......We all started out barely using, we all started out "not having a problem". It doesn't matter if it's 5 pills, 5 lines, 32mg or 1000mg of whatever you pick....if you know that is what's on your mind and you are regularly using without just cause, ie. medical prescription.....the bottom line is you are an addict and have a problem. 15-30mg a day could be for you what 150-300mg a day is to someone else....does it make it any better or worse? Is it any less of a problem? No. You clearly have a problem, or you wouldn't have all the numbers and figures worked out in your head already. You wouldn't even be here. If someone wants to talk crap to you because of how little you're using, it's because they are proud of how bad of an addict they are/were....and that's just shameful. I CAN say, you won't stay where you are for long....your tolerance WILL build up, it WILL become a problem....I had it under control for a long time, I thought, until the day comes when you can't find any or didn't have enough or find something stronger or whatever it is....it ALWAYS gets worse. Unless you take action to stop it now. If you're on a low dose now, and you are able to get through a few weeks without using, and you are on this site seeing how horrible life can be - take it as a sign that you already have it within your own power to prevent it from getting that bad. Stop now. Drugs are not coping tools...and personally, I believe a lot of people are hyping up this "coping" idea to justify not having taken responsibility for learning how to function as a human.....I know for a fact I did use opiates to numb myself a LOT of the time over the years from things I didn't want to face....but the reality is I just loved the feeling and didn't want to let it go....it became most important in my life. No one in life says "I don't know how to handle all this stress, better his the street to find some Oxy's".......but once you do have that drug, it becomes easy to ignore everything else, it's the cause and solution to all your problems. My advice, STOP. You use little enough that you probably will experience very mild withdrawal, and you will be saving you, your body, your wallet, and your life a LOT of turmoil and pain in the future. Maybe try seeking out a counselor too if you are having depression/anxiety issues...they can help teach you coping skills and working on specific problems....my counselor specifically rearranged the outlay of my treatment to include my recovery....it's possible to handle life without drugs. You just have to really want it. You happen to be in the lucky position that you aren't so far in that you feel like can never go on without them....take advantage of your opportunity. Coping is handling the crap life throws at us, cowering is taking drugs to ignore and avoid that crap. Think about why you are on this site, think about what your life could end up like, about how hard it could be to have to break an addiction like some of us, think about how much happier you will be not ever having to go through the hell that a lot of us here have. It's not fun, in an respect, at all. It ruins your life...and can literally happen in days, weeks, months....you never know when the line is crossed into addict land....but I'll tell you, the bridge back is never there when you want to turn around....it's walking barefoot all the way around the canyon to get back to clean and happy......I wish you the best of luck and hope you take charge of your life and body.

pinkgurl87

Here in Canada they took oxycotine off the market I'm not sure if people can still get it somehow, though it could cause a lot of problems withdrawl wise. Never used it but I can see how it can be addictive, a friend I used with was on oxy's when she went off she was sooo sick.

aeo1313

What I have learned is that the amount of usage doesn't matter...it's the why and what it does to us. Are these doctor prescribed? I was taking the same amount as you for quite a while and it was a problem for me. If I had pills on hand I would double the amount. You only keep wanting more. It's good that you are here and reading and thinking about this. I wish you best. Stick around.

xtroublex

Well, thanks for your replies and thanks for not flaming me for being a lightweight.

Wellsc61

I started my druggin when I hurt my back and for the longest time I took that as prescribed and then one day I didn't. I would flip out if I thought I was going to run out..by the time I was on them four years it became my coping skill for life.. Life sucks, if you had my life you would drug too and so on...before I knew it I was taking double the amount that was prescribed and then smoking an 1/8 of weed a day, just to be numb...I had to go to a treatment center to get help..I can tell you that the withdrawals were awful, three weeks of staying up...stop now while you can with the withdrawals being not so bad.. Try an NA meeting the people are great and they can help you deal with life on life's terms... 58 days sober and loving it...

william0850

Addict here. Maybe this will help. Are you taking the drug as prescribed? Are you taking the drug to change the way you feel. Do you do thing you wouldn't normally do while on the drug? Do you worry about how many pills you have left? Do you not want to do certain activities without taking the pills. You really know deep down inside if you have a problem.