Daisy2292

I've been clean for a few days now. Its been hard...unbelievably hard to stay that way. I always thought once I got clean, the rest would come to me. But I've created such a mess for myself. I'm filing for bankruptcy in a couple of weeks because I owe so much to everyone, it would take me the rest of my life to pay it back. And I want to move on with my life and need a fresh start financially. I just turned 30 and have no kids. I have a great boyfriend, but I don't know if its ever going to go anywhere. I have a great job and that's the only thing that gives me a purpose each day. Its the only thing that keeps my mind busy. I want children; I just honestly don't think I can have them. I have no family around me and only 2 friends. I cry everyday. I feel so much guilt and shame for the mess I've created. I want a "normal" life...I'd love to get married and have kids, but because I'm pretty certain I can't have them, I feel the loss everyday. I wonder, "what is my purpose in life?" Is this how I'm going to feel forever? I just feel so much remorse for the things I've done, the relationships I've lost or pushed away. How do you get past the guilt?

keltie

Welcome Daisy. You have found a wonderful place full of support. Congrats on your couple days of being clean- that's really huge. I've been clean since Monday.

Just curious- why do you think you can't have children? Has a doctor confirmed that? I went to the ends of the earth to get mine and there's lots of help available.

waw545

It dont take long to make a mess of your life but if you go to some substance abuse meetings and sit and listen to the group talk about there experience strength and hope you will have a better chance to straighten your life out at least thats what worked for me I was 33 and desperate to stop the insanity of drugs also you may want to talk to a drug counselor tell whats on your mind and listen to the feed back it works if your ready to change. Blessings to you.

Daisy2292

I have endometriosis, cysts on my ovaries that have, at times, ruptured. I was married for a few years, and the last couple were spent "trying." That ended, then I got in another long-term relationship, and nothing was done to prevent a pregnancy. For 2 years. The last dr visit I had confirmed the cysts and endometriosis. I haven't gone back since. A lot of it has been fear, and a lot of it was that I didn't want anyone to somehow find out I was an addict. Crazy, I know.

sheerExcellence

Daisy

i am in same exact boat as you. i know exactly how you feel. i feel like crap everyday and i cry too. mainly because im so bored, also because im finally realizing how much of a fiend i have been for the past five years of my life. i feel like ive been in a coma and im just waking up and that things im remembering make me sick to my stomach.

all we can do is small steps everyday. good luck.

sophiamarie2007

Welcome to SR-You will find alot of support here and it will greatly help you, especially during those rough spots.I had cysts on my ovaries ad endometrosis-I couldn't get pregnant without the help of clomid-a cheap fertility drug. I didn't start having children until my 30's and now have three healthy kids. I don't know what your DOC is, but long term opiate abuse can also cause temporary infertility-the ovaries don't release the egg each month like it would in a normal cycle. The good news is, when you quit your reproductive cycle goes back to normal in a matter of months.

Dilberto

Cleaning up the wreckage of your past begins NOW. I honestly thought it would take me a lifetime to pay my debts off($144,000)....but six years clean and I'm almost debt-free. Yes, Bankruptcy does work....as long as you have a credit-rebuilding game plan. You can DO IT!

CarolD

I got rid of my guilt by asking for God's forgiveness and by living the
AA Steps/ program of recovery..

I'm glad you are getting off whatever drugs you used...it took me about
2 months to get back in mental and physical balance. Hold on!

Welcome....