sbaybay

I was doing so well and got sober on 9/10/11 and was sober until Christmas Time and my mother had put my dog down without me knowing it and let me know two days before Christmas Eve. I was a wreck, my dog was my baby and my mom put him down, not because he was sick but because he was semi aggressive over food. It is still so hard for me til this day to deal with that situation. That had caused me to go into severe depression and then my fiance broke off our engagement. I was a wreck, I was unhappy, there seemed like nothing to live for so what did I do? i went and found my best friend- opiates and valium. I really didn't take much, just enough to get me through the day and to help me go to work without completely breaking down. I never abused them to the extent I had about a year ago (taking 25 pills a day) I was only taking 4 a day total... but for all the wrong reasons.

I moved out of my fiances house and instead of dealing with these issues got involved with my 18 year old neighbor- started partying at his frat and falling for him- anything to take my mind off my ex. I was numbing all sorts of pain and fell hard for him- only for my neighbor to break my heart. After that I continued on my destructive path of pills. Still I was only taking about 4-5 a day but not for physical pain for emotional pain killing.

Then I found an amazing guy, Justin, who I've had a crush on since I was 8 and we were both single. We had waited for each other for years. A gentleman, amazing personality, baseball coach, heart of gold and oh so handsome. I was very happy and then on March 30th I got into a bad MVA... I rearended a stopped vehicle in my compact car going 55 because I went to switch lanes and someone was in my blind spot and I couldn't get over. I am now dealing with a concussion, whiplash, and even more back pain that I was dealing with for the last 10 years.

Doctors prescribed me pain pills even though my mom went with me to appts to tell them my problems, I was in too much pain to not have any. So she handed them out to me on a schedule. I got on 5/500 in the morning and one 8 hours later and a flexeril at night. I was still in so much pain that I went out and bought oxy 10's. My parents could tell that I was using again and a big whole ordeal blew up and I was attacked and called a liar and now I am back at the beginning trying to prove that I can do this. I am still in so much pain and this is what complicates my addiction is the fact that I am severely messed up from this wreck and have no strength.

I am finally 8 days sober but now I am dealing with the emotional pain of breaking up with my fiance who I now miss and have breakdowns daily. I feel so lost and so sad. I want to be sober, its been the demise of all my break ups. I only hope my ex fiance can see and believe me, as well as my family.

JakeSvendsen

That's horrible that your mother would do something like that. I know how it feels to lose someone close to you, and that can screw up everything when trying to stay sober. The best thing to do for yourself is mourn what you have lost in a healthy way and then learn to love yourself so you don't fall back into using/abusing.

keltie

Shay, I'm so sorry for your troubles. That's a lot to deal with at once. Good for you for getting clean- it sounds like you have REAL pain from your accident. Smart of you to have your mother hold your meds, but I really think there are times in your life (like when you've been thru a horrible wreck!) that you need medical pain management. I say talk to your doctor, be honest about your addiction, but you should not be suffering. That's inhumane!

gordano

I would reccomend that you stay away from any serious romantic relationship until you can get sober and stay sober. You don't need this as a distraction from your sobriety. I know that it feels like you will need support from someone to get through this, but right now your best support will be from AA or fellow addicts. Non-addicts can't really help much from what I've found. Either way, take care of yourself. :ghug3

AtomChick

Good for you Shay and the right man will come along at the most perfect time for you. It always happens that way.

Chrisy

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am here if you need a friend to talk to. I know what it is like to be in real pain and yet be addicted to opiates. I too have a real bad neck and shoulder. It started when the first doctor in 02 said I had fibro and gave me pain pills witch were opiates. Only to find out in 10 that I didn't have fibro but real problems with the neck and shoulder. I am in pt now to see if I can deal with the problems without having to have surgery. My doctors now and pt team are pissed becausd for all these years I have been left in pain and giving more pain pills as the ones they had me on didn't work as well. Now I am up to oxycondone 15 mg and they barely work, they just keep me normal so I don't go through withdrawals. I became a slave to the oxycodone. I am in the situation now, that my pain management doctors are going to have to try some other opiate free treatments for the pain. My shoulder doctor is pisssed because if he does have to operate he can't give me pain pills because my body has become addicted to them.

I was the one who decided to get off as I was becoming a slave to the pills. I needed them in order to function normal. Plus it is harder to admit you are a drug addict when you are given rx's from the doctor's for real pain management. After so long you are going to be an addict. God works with on area of our lives a time. When he is finished with one he brings you to another. I think that is why in the AA and NA they don't have you go through all the steps in one day. You have to work you way through.

Find a pain management doctor and tell them you addiction to opiate and see what they can replace them with that are non opiates. There is an ointment that I use called lidocaine ointment usp 5%, that my pain management prescribed for me and it works. That might be an option. I hope it is not an opiate.

I am here if you need a friend who is working through withdrawals. This is day two for me.

Love and Blessings
chrisy