lizatola

My AH has been on Paxil and Trazadone for depression and anxiety (that had been escalating for about 10 years) since last summer. As a child, he suffered from ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, etc and started abusing alcohol by the time he was 14. Both his parents are/were alcoholics. All through our married life we have dealt with the effects of his anxiety, anger(HUGE ISSUE), and depression. I used to think that I lived with Jekyl and Hyde....I guess I still do, LOL!

I thought the meds were helping but at the same time his binge drinking was increasing especially in the fall. He quit drinking(as far as I know) back in February after getting a DUI. He had stopped taking his meds for a few weeks in early April but has since been back on them for the past 2 weeks.

I have been working through my own Al Anon recovery program since January and I see a therapist. We, obviously, have lots of issues in our marriage and I had pulled away from him intimately since the DUI, basically because of trust issues. Anyway, I have noticed that he doesn't seem too interesting in repairing our relationship. I feel like I do all the work; asking him to go out to dinner with me, initiating s*x, and even writing short cards telling him that I'm glad we're working through things etc. Except that I feel that I'm the one doing all the work and he's just sitting there waiting to see what I will do or say next. If I didn't talk to him, the only things he'd say to me would be "where's the toilet paper?" or something similar. I feel like he's very distant and I don't know if it's because of the antidepressants or because of the DUI and emotional effects of it all, or because he's just not interested in keeping our marriage alive at all.

I guess I was wondering if anyone else had experience with paxil(or other SSRI's) once their significant others quit drinking? He wasn't a heavy drinker every day so I'm not sure he really went through any real withdrawl, I do know that he fought cravings for a while but I don't know if he still is. He also is not using any program for sobriety, he just quit drinking and is not going to his therapist or to any type of counseling either. Thoughts?

Threshold

Hi lizatola,

Thanks for posting. I think it may take a little more time for the meds to kick back in now that the booze is out. But I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for a miracle.

There is a lot going on chemically inside him, his own chemistry and that of the RX meds and the booze still working it's way out. It may take time to find the right meds at the right doses etc. Along with that is his recovery from drinking.

I'm so glad to hear that you are taking care of you. I know that it is hurtful that he doesn't pull his weight as far as the relationship is concerned, but I am glad that you are pushing past that and taking care of you.

I would suggest you keep that up, and try not to look too hard into the future just now..as far as your own progress or his. Monitor it, and stay hopeful, but realize that all this is complex and will take time to sort out.

I am bipolar and an addict. Ultimately my spouse chose to divorce me because he felt unable to deal with my issues any longer and sought a peaceful life for himself.

I am on more appropriate meds now and working a recovery program. I believe that this is helping me deal with my issues, but they are still there and I understand why he did what he needed to do. We all have to take care of ourselves first.

One of my issues, in fact, was that I put taking care of my spouse, kids, etc and let self care go until I ended up in horrible situations and dire circumstances. Self care is one thing that addicts must learn, not self indulgence, but true self care.

Freedom1990

For me, the diagnoses of both major depressive disorder and social anxiety didn't come along till I was over a year in recovery, and at that time I refused any meds because I was pregnant.

If memory serves me correctly, I started taking meds shortly after my drinking again
(after four years), and had gotten back into recovery.

I am currently on trazodone, cymbalta, and zoloft.

With no program of recovery in place, I'm not even sure what benefits, if any, your AH will have from the meds.

Abstinence

Hello lizatola,

Sorry to read about the issues in your life at present.

I am a long term sufferer of psychotic depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have been on a variety and psychiatric medications, one of which was paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat). In my experience, paroxetine made me extremely reckless and apathetic. Although paroxetine is not entirely to blame for my reckless behaviour, it was certainly a contributing factor. For example, I would spend ridiculous amounts of money on superfluous items and did not consider the consequences for my actions. I was also a heavy cannabis and alcohol (wine) addict at the time of this (approximately eight years ago). I would not go near paroxetine again, but it obviously helps a lot of people on a global scale.

If you're interested, I am taking mirtazapine (Remeron) and citalopram (Celexa) for my mental disorders; for the most part, they're working extremely well.

Cheers.

babystrangeloop

There are two ways to deal with this. One is to let go of him and the other is to stay and with him and deal with it.

CODA would be the way to go for letting go of him. Even if you stay with him CODA would help with boundaries, etc.

If you stay with him you might want to try to get him to read certain books (you could spend some time in the evening reading to each other, a quaint habit which was more popular in the past.)

* Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzberg

* Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Program by Sharon Salzberg

* The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer and Sharon Salzberg

etc.