istherehope999

Today is Day 35 for me being opiate-free. I am happy about that accomplishment, I really am, but still dont feel like myself. I guess I expected more by now, especially after reading several posts on here from people that are feeling great after a month, much happier, able to feel positive feelings, etc. this is definitely not the case for me, though I so wish it was! I still feel down most of the time, anxious a good part of the time, and fairly numb during the course of each day. Yes, it is better than the first couple weeks, but I guess I was expecting much more and it is kind of discouraging to still be pretty low. Doesn't help much with my motivation to stay clean, though I know I will never go back and pick up again. That door is permanently closed, locked, and dead-bolted. It is just tough as it feels like I am doing all the right things, but not noticing the emotional/psychological improvements that I long for. Opinions? Did anyone else experience this stagnation/still feeling down even after a month+ clean?

Thanks you guys!

FenwayFaithful

I think this is normal.

We get so used to self-medicating, to not feeling out feelings, to being high, to not remembering what it feels like to be clean, sober in a "normal" state of mind.

You've only been clean for a month. I think you need to give it time. There were probably also underlying reasons that you were using. I mean use the fact that you were addicted, but were you trying to escape something in your life? Are there feelings you haven't dealt with?

This could be part of what is making you depressed.

Are you sleeping right? Are you seeing friends who are not using? Are you doing things for you? Maybe going to the gym or taking up a hobby you've always wanted?

We get so used to turning to drugs to simulate happiness I think it's easy to forget other things that make us feel good. What are some of those things for you?

I think it will get better as time goes on. Just be happy and thankful that you are clean because you are better simply for that.

Congratulations, you should be proud

istherehope999

Thanks for your input, anvilhead and Fenway. Your comments really made me think. I guess I need to be more pro-active about this and a lot less reactive. I have been eating well, getting plenty of sleep, etc. but haven't been taking care of my emotions too well, I guess. I was a professional "stuffer" before I got addicted to my pain meds, and that was part of why I abused them I'm sure. Thanks for the reminder that I need to look deeper within and not just expect everything to be fine, when it wasn't BEFORE I got addicted.

johnrambo

I didn't feel good till 10-11 months in. Most people I talk to seem to feel better around 6-8 months.

And yes, I know what you mean, people I met in AA seemed like everything was just cool and that life was awesome after a couple of months, I couldn't figure out why I felt so crappy for so long.

I read a lot about post acute withdrawal which is probably the only reason I've made it this far, other than that and God I may have given up.

istherehope999

Johnrambo - Yes that's exactly it....like most everyone else seems to be floating on a cloud and then by comparison, you almost feel worse! I've got to stop comparing and remember about PAWS. I have read up on it, but whenever I feel down I seem to forget about the reality of PAWS for the first several months. I feel as you do, that for me the only reason that I am making through each day without picking up, is my faith in God and my prayers to him for help.

johnrambo

Also don't do what I did and listen to people, books or articles tell me how I should be feeling. People told me I should be feeling good, articles told me I should be feeling bad. Just stay sober and let life come at you.

It's been a roller coaster for me but the dips don't matter to me in the grand scheme of things, they pass as well; and looking back on where I was 7-11 months ago is like night and day.

sophiamarie2007

Yes I think it's normal. At one month I was no longer sick, but very tired and somewhat depressed. I got up got the kids off from school then laid around and did pretty much nothing. It gradually gets better. I am at four months or so-and can work all day and take care of my kids at night. I am not running any marathons, but I feel like I have accomplished alot in four months. Around two months I would have one good day where I felt great, then two bad days-After a while the bad days got fewer and fewer and my thinking and mood greatly improved. Don't get discouraged about this-You should pat yourself on the back for making it to 35 days! I too felt lost when people would talk about the wonderful cloud they were on-when I struggled just to get through the day. You can do this!

istherehope999

Thanks Sophia, that is encouraging. I never had any pink-cloud experience so it is good to know that others have had varied experiences in their recovery too. Congratulations on 4 months, that is amazing!!!!!

istherehope999

Johnrambo, thank you. Yup, I have been confused because of all the shoulds....you should feel this by now, you shouldn't be feeling that, etc, etc. I have to remember that we are al, different and what we experience in recovery is not going to be a cookie-cutter mold.

AtomChick

Istherehope-you are an inspiration to me, and helped me thru the past few days..... Congrats, i can't help you in this thread but I wanted you to know you helped me so much.

Day 4 for me.....

istherehope999

AtomChick, your post made my day. Thank you. It is amazing to hear that. I am inspired by YOU as well, your attitude about everything you are suffering right know is incredible. Trust me when I say I was not nearly as positive as you seem to be when I was on my first few days!!! I'm saying some prayers for you. The worst of the phsycial stuff is behind you now! You can do this. I too am doing my recovery on my own, no one knows about my struggle with opiates except my spouse. SR is the main place I go for support and it has been a Godsend for me.

Keep going, you're doing awesome AtomChick!!!

AtomChick

Ahh thanks!! I actually showered got dressed, did my hair and makeup today. I went outside for a split second, and will maybe get in my car later. The fog has cleared for me.

istherehope999

^ ^

missy812

I'm on day 20 and am feeling exactly the same way... down and depressed. Low energy. I don't want to do anything, but I also don't want to do nothing. I've never been depressed like this. Mornings and nights are the worst for me physically... But I do have to admit I have some spurts where I don't think about how bad I feel, or how I wish I felt normal... I just hope those spurts become more frequent. I too feel proud when I shower, do my hair and makeup... that use to be such a normal and easy task...

I'm going for a social gathering tonight and DREADING it. I keep thinking if I had a pain pill or two, I could get through it so much easier... I still can't eat much.. I'm not going to drink. Gee, sounds like a BLAST!!!!

istherehope999

Haha! A total blast. I hope it goes well tonight and I feel your pain. I have come to dread social gatherings now that they all need to be faced without opiates or benzos. It is sad to say that. I know it will get better eventually, but I'm not there yet. It is hard to imagine how I did fine at social events for the 30+ years before I got hooked on pills. Now it's like I have to re-learn everything all over again. But I just have no desire to. Ive been trying to avoid social stuff but it's not like I can out everything on hold indefinitely while I recover.

I get it about being proud when you get a shower in, makeup, etc. That is still a huge deal for me, even at day 39!! I really really REALLY hope we start feeling better soon....it is so tough to not even have energy for the smallest things.....

margarok

Many moons have passed for me... but I find myself in a trying situation with my in-laws and husband and the old desire to see the doc for painkillers comes wafting back.

I'm done with it, but just want to let you know that THIS (forum) is the place to come and remind yourself why you stopped.

finaltime

Istherehope, it is very encouraging to read through your posts, and to see you inquiring about the feelings you are having. This is all very very normal, and when we wish we could just automatically feel better, we have to remember how much damage we have done to our bodies. I have almost 3 months off of pills, and still have many days where I just wish I could pop a pill to take it all away. I did have the honeymoon stage around 1.5 months, but that did not last long at all! I can tell you though, you WILL FEEL BETTER. What I struggle with now is getting my body healthy, and eating better. I know if you can exercise, journal, eat right, things will come along way faster. With me I live in China, so eating right is hard, and exercising is even harder! Please stay strong!

Atomchick, taking a shower and putting on makeup is a HUGE sign! You are starting to feel better! I remember that all to well, and the awkwardness I would feel doing it sober, but it still had this feeling of refreshness. Even driving in my car, going places, those are huge steps.

Miss812, going strong! Day 20 is awesome!

Thank all of you for this thread, it was just what I needed to read tonight.

Chrisy

I wanted to thank you for this thread. It is day 3 for me and this thread is an inspiration. Right now I can't even think 30 days ahead. I am just thinking of the day I am on. One moment and one day at a time. I go to the pain management doctor today and hopefully we will find a pain treatment that doesn't include oxycodone and opiates. My medical problem is still pending and I am hoping that we can fine a much better way of treatment then the pain pills that they give like candy.

I slept better last night, but awoke still feeling like the living dead. I hope I feel better next week as I have my pt with troy. We are hoping pt works on my shoulder and neck so they don't have to operate. The scary thing after being on the opiates for 10 years it was me who decided to quit and not the doctors.

I am beginning to learn from reading through the forum that there is no one way we withdrawal, some of us it takes longer. Some it takes a very little of time. We can't judge our withdrawals by others, but just focus on what works for us.

Love and Blessings
chrisy

AtomChick

You are right Chrisy, but the typical symptoms well prepared me for what was in store. I was able to book time off work, go to the grocery store and load up on some special foods, go to the pharmacy and get some immodium, advil etc.... tissues too.

Chrisy

atom,

I would like to think that when we make it 90 days that we can celebrate by buying a new pair of shoes we have always wanted or a new dress or outfit. I want to start looking at healthy ways to start celbrating the achievements we made and want to celebrate with good friends and families. Or if we make it 30 days we do something nice for ourselves. Setting small goals and as we accomplish them it will hopeful spur on us to achieve the long term goals. One minute and one day at a time. I tell myself today I will not use.

Love and Blessings my friend.
Chrisy