emmanuel2012

i need to vent
and maybe get some suggestions

ok, so

<vent>
I have a crap-ton of anxiety, post-tramatic stress and anger managment issues I am dealing with, and it has been generally decided by myself that I will temporarily take some medication for it.

I have been off medication for 12 months.
I am sober for about 1 month now and
I am still having the same anger and anxiety issues that
have nothing to do with bipolar, I need to be taking something
to address that and help me stay calm.
Mood stabilizers do more than that,
so I know that's not what I want or need.

but since I was diagnosed bipolar and have had a history of drug use
and addiction, the psychiatrist want want to get me back on 2 mood stabilizers (not just 1, i have never taken 2, either, so this is extreme).

I believe I need a very small
dose of a benzodiazepene, and I have never abused any in the past.
i had taken a few while hospitalized, have read all of the pertinent
research and so I am aware of what they do, and why I need it.

I am done with giving 2 drugs an honest try when I know they aren't what I need. How stupid are these doctors?
I have gone over a decade trying whatever they want me to take when I am not sure. Now i AM sure, and they say they aren't..
I dont care!! its MY turn to help myself and others who say I need to be on meds, and am willing,
and I should be making the doctors job easier, because this time I KNOW what I need to be taking.you would think..

Psychiatrist who doesn't listen.. >>GRRR!!

I hate the fact that they believe everyone who has addiction issues transfers them to anything that is able to be addicted to. meanwhile they only prescribe medications to take daily, not as needed, which forms the habit in the first place. Psychiatrists are such hipocrites!

I'm going to throw the prescription in the trash
and tell them again next visit AGAIN what I need
and if he doesn't agree, I am going to have to pay
someone $300 a month which I don't even have,
but it would be worth it to my family, so my mother
might pay for it, just so that I can get the drug I need.

If risk management of a 'relapse" is what they are concerned
about, giving me the wrong medication that would make me
miserable and more inclined to take illegal drugs to counteract them
is what they should be concerned about.

But no, they just have some 'rule' that they can't give benzodiazapenes to people who might abuse them, even when the only evidence is that they have abused other chemicals that are not even related to each other (stimulants, meth and psychedelic entheogens were my drug of choice).

So, I am not taking anything and will remain angry/ Good job, PSYCHASSHOLATRISTZ.. i need a punching bag

</vent>

Katiekate

Benzos are terribly addictive, and always have been.

I came off of them. Dirty stuff.

Doc put me on them, I was on them for many years, I decided to get off, it wasn't pretty.

Maybe your doctor is doing you a favor. Oh and you don't have to be an addict to get addicted to them, I was never an addict, til I started taking benzos.

TheOnlyDryPaddy

Are you on anything for you anxiety?

Have you talked to your doctors about buspirone (BuSpar) or guanfacine (Tenex, Intuniv)?


While there might possibly be some neurochemical reasons that you might not abuse benzos given your DOCs in the past, addicts tend to have poor impulse control, so, if they find another substance that they like, they are more likely to end up abusing it than the general population.

Your doctors have sound reasons for avoiding prescribing you benzos. However, if benzos are the only thing that curb your anxiety, you need to advocate for yourself and insist that they at least consider giving you some.

emmanuel2012

@KatieKate
Maybe you're right about him doing myself a favor for the withdrawal part. Didnt think about that as much - but i need to take something that works, and all the bipolar medicines are just as bad for getting on as well as getting off. Actually, getting ON them was much harder. getting off them was liberating hahah thanks for your input

@TheOnlyDryPaddy
I havent heard of those other I am not on anything right now, and I refuse anti-psychotics and 'mood stabilizers' I would try neurontin, maybe. maybe I should try other things first. as long as they are specifically for anxiety, and nothing else. This is my biggest issue and due diligence is required. Thanks for the suggestions, will jot them down and ask next time

aeo1313

Why are you refusing anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers? Have you ever tried non-medication deas for anxiety? I need an anti-depressant and have been on so many through the years. My doctor refuses xanax or ativan for more than a few weeks usage.

Threshold

Just bouncing thoughts here, so take em or leave em

Drs learn from experience (their own and those of colleagues and researchers) how to prescribe drugs and how certain groups of people tend to do on them.

That is useful for many, but there will always be individuals who don't fall into those broad categories.

Addicts tend to want what we want, now, thank you very much...immediate gratification

Addicts tend to not always be real clear, or real honest about some things.

Anxiety is the number one difficult feeling I've ever had to deal with and I'd do nearly anything to end it...as a matter of fact I HAVE done all sorts of things to try to end that feeling. Some of them pretty misguided.

If you are bipolar (I am too) honestly, some of your reactions here sound like you might be having a wee bit of mania. ( I may be way off) and when we get that way, we are pretty sure that we know best, they're all stupid, and they should do what the heck we think they should do, that we are invincible and unique.

There are a crapload of drs out there that will happily prescribe you anything you want. There are people on the drug abuse forum here all the time complaining that their drs, in spite of knowing their drug abuse history, still prescribe addictive pain killers...and there are some like you who complain that their drs wont' do enough to address their pain. Physical or mental, pain is real, and pain is pain.

So, if you really know best. Go see a new dr, talk about anxiety and walk out with any script you want. Since you have no respect or faith in your current dr...and are throwing out scripts, why keep paying for BS service, that you have no intention of following?

In the end it's YOUR life, body, mental illness etc, and in the end, no matter what anyone says you will be the one who ultimately does the work, takes the meds, uses therapy or lifestyle changes to address it.

I'm always quoting Marilyn Manson, so why the heck not now?

"A pill to make you numb, a pill to make you dumb, a pill to make you anybody else, but all the drugs in this world, won't save her from herself"

I use meds to help me address my bi-polar. If I keep out of the manic phase, my anxiety tends to stay low. My doc won't give me my tranqs anymore, and that p's me off, but I know she's right because when I have them I stockpile them on good days and OD on them on bad one's.

I am my own worst enemy, and all the drugs in this world, won't save me from myself. I know, I've tried. My taking responsibility for my well being does include meds, properly prescribed and taken and altered as needed. The nature of my illness means that sometimes I have to trust the input of others, even when I don't want to. I also have to choose who those others are carefully.

I've had some lousy psych drs, and some great one's. If yours is bad, fire them, and hire a good one. Make sure you're firing and hiring for the right reasons.

TheOnlyDryPaddy

I have a tendency to come off haughty and condescending when I am talking about something that I feel I know more about than the people I am talking with. If that happens, please feel free to lay the proverbial smack down on me. :P

That said, I think that it is important to note that a vast array of pharmceuticals, espicially the psychotropics are rarely just used for one condition lr disorder. They may be approved by the appropriate regulatory agency in one's locale for a single condition or disorder, but that doesn't mean that doctors won't necessarily prescribe them for other conditions or disorders, the so-called off-label use.

I mention this because:

1. benzodiazepines have a wide range of clinical applications beyond anxiolysis (anti-anxiety action)
2. neurontin, the anxiolytic that you seem most willing to take, was first approved as an anti-epileptic and then for neuropathic pain

In other words, your desire to take pharmaceuticals that "are specifically for anxiety" seems to be a bit misplaced, because there don't seem to be pharmaceuticals that are specifically for a given psychiatric symptom like anxiety. The perception of the general public with respect to benzodiazepines such as diazepam (Valium) and alprazolam (Xanax) may be in part due to the fact that both were originally marketed for the treatment of panic anxiety, but it is important to note that many prescriptions written for them specifically take advantage of their hypnotic (sleep inducing) effects.

My point is that, while you should be wary of taking certain pharmaceuticals, especially anti-psychotics (this doesn't mean you should categorically refuse to take them), taking a specific pharmacetical mean neither that you have the condition that it was originally approved to treat nor that it won't treat the symptoms that you have.

I hope that I have been helpful and not confrontational.

Best of luck.

emmanuel2012

@aeo1313 The reason why I refuse anti-psychotics and mood stbailizers
is because they had me on those for years and they would make me feel not myself, in a state that was debilitating, dulling my mind, and i would eventually use illicit drugs to compensate. For example, on a heavy dose of lithium, I was more inclined to seek amphetamines, stimulants, my DOC. They aren't right for me

@TheOnlyDryPaddy Thanks for those suggestions again, very helpful. Ultimately i will take what I can agree on with my doctor. I do not trust that he knows me yet, I only had one visit.

I will be using Kava at home as a natural stress reliever for now until I get the right prescription.

thanks all again

NYCDoglvr

We alcoholics/addicts can come up with lots of excuses to go back to using. BENZO'S are ADDICTIVE. Have you tried exercise? Of course the easiest thing is to take a pill. But I suggest deciding if you want to be sober then taking actions to ensure you will. Are you going to AA meetings or another program? I also had big anxiety in early sobriety but it passed while I was doing 90 meetings in 90 days.