Relationships with people in the past
kiddo
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: South Australia
Posts: 157
Relationships with people in the past
Little bit of background information:
Last year around June I first tried to get sober and actually made about 3 months. The people I told included a close friend, my sports coach and another friend who all agreed to help me. Unfortunately for me, all but one of them really had no idea what they were doing, and one of them actually thought after a month I'd be 'all better' and proceeded to become very angry whenever I asked for help or took a step backwards. Eventually I just stopped talking to that person, both over messages and in person as they pretty much just ignored me (which made for interesting coaching), but I started drinking again after those three months and kept it a secret from everyone.
From October to now, it's pretty much increased to either drinking or drugging everyday, and I know that there's a part of me that really wants to tell this person how much they kind of hurt me. I have apologised many times for things I've done (and I don't say sorry easily, I'm a person who only does it when they mean it), and they really didn't move on. They think I'm sober now, and while I'm trying to be, they know nothing about my drug use etc.
What I really want to know is whether I should tell them how much damage they did and try to put the anger and that behind me, because I know it is all in my head. Obviously it was up to me whether I drank etc, but once I get this out of the way I can focus on myself and only having myself to blame if things struggle a bit rather than still being able to shift the blame onto someone else.
Problem is, if I do that, I risk another year of them ignoring me and treating me like crap again, which I just don't want.
Thoughts?
Last year around June I first tried to get sober and actually made about 3 months. The people I told included a close friend, my sports coach and another friend who all agreed to help me. Unfortunately for me, all but one of them really had no idea what they were doing, and one of them actually thought after a month I'd be 'all better' and proceeded to become very angry whenever I asked for help or took a step backwards. Eventually I just stopped talking to that person, both over messages and in person as they pretty much just ignored me (which made for interesting coaching), but I started drinking again after those three months and kept it a secret from everyone.
From October to now, it's pretty much increased to either drinking or drugging everyday, and I know that there's a part of me that really wants to tell this person how much they kind of hurt me. I have apologised many times for things I've done (and I don't say sorry easily, I'm a person who only does it when they mean it), and they really didn't move on. They think I'm sober now, and while I'm trying to be, they know nothing about my drug use etc.
What I really want to know is whether I should tell them how much damage they did and try to put the anger and that behind me, because I know it is all in my head. Obviously it was up to me whether I drank etc, but once I get this out of the way I can focus on myself and only having myself to blame if things struggle a bit rather than still being able to shift the blame onto someone else.
Problem is, if I do that, I risk another year of them ignoring me and treating me like crap again, which I just don't want.
Thoughts?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I'm not sure you'll ever get a response you'll be satisfied with - and I'm not sure you'll get closure.
Do you tell them you're still drinking, do you leave that out...what if they're still hostile to you and no amends is forthcoming...will it really be as cathartic as you think?
I think resentments are a killer to people like you and me - they can really twist us up and hold us back.
If it was me, I'd draw a line and try to let it go and move on, Emma - get on with your life and your recovery
best of luck
D
Do you tell them you're still drinking, do you leave that out...what if they're still hostile to you and no amends is forthcoming...will it really be as cathartic as you think?
I think resentments are a killer to people like you and me - they can really twist us up and hold us back.
If it was me, I'd draw a line and try to let it go and move on, Emma - get on with your life and your recovery
best of luck
D
kiddo
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: South Australia
Posts: 157
Fair enough - all I did want out of the post was someone to rationally give me ideas on what the best course of action is really. It did match up with what I was thinking actually. Thanks D!
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