Synrgenova1313

Hello all.

I'm new here in Sober Recovery. I am hoping that someone here might be able to help me.

I have an issue with anger. Not the lash out and hurt someone kind of anger, but the 'I'd rather be angry than feel like this' kind of anger.

It used to be that when something happened I'd get mad and then I'd get sad/hurt/depressed/whatever. Unfortunately I have suffered years of abuse at many different hands, and now my anger has become a self protection method.

I'm tired of always holding everyone in my life at arms length and never truly letting anyone in, but this behavior has become so ingrained into my actions that I can't seem to find my way back.

Is there any website I can go to that can help?

NYCDoglvr

You've taken a big step by realizing that anger is sometimes a defense to keep other things in check. It's easier to feel anger than hurt, humiliation, rejection and fear. In fact I think most anger is in that category.

What I learned in AA is to immediately ask myself "what's my part in this?" when I feel angry. Sometimes I'm overly sensitive, said something wrong to someone else, expected too much or am just tired. Sometimes I've invited the wrong person into my life. It cuts anger quickly when I do see that I'm not strictly a victim but also responsible for a problem that exists between me and someone else.

As a recovering alcoholic it took a while to see that feelings change, that sometimes it's best just to get out of my own head. Get to a meeting, exercise or take another action. My head changes with it.

Hope this helps!