sunnysideup97

Recently caught my husband using pills again. Thought he had been clean almost a year and a half after going thru a detox program, only to find out he has been using again for atleast the last 8 mths??? (Not sure how I missed this?) When I first learned of the addiction approx 2 yrs ago, I was devastated, along with all the other emotions, but this time around I feel more hopeless. Wondering is this my fate, a life filled with ups and downs, mood swings, and suspicions(he has stolen both times all my jewelry, recently deceased gmas ring, and drained our bank acct., along with him not holding down a steady job in quite some time, I carry all the weight financially)? Then I get angry and think I refuse to live a life like that and my son deserves better. We have a 5 yr old son. My husband has now been clean for past 3 weeks. I try to be supportive, but feel Im so angry Im not good at it. I fear I will drive him back to using. All I read is opiate addiction is so hard to recover from, and that he will always want to use. This scares me soo much. I am 34, want to have another child, but know we are not stable enough for this right now. I really need help drawing some boundaries. I had already told myself the 1st time around, if he ever relapsed, he was out of here. Now I feel that was a harsh judgement and I need to give him the benefit of the doubt and support him through this mess. I have my whole life ahead of me and dont want to wake up one day and realize it is gone.

Marcus

Welcome Sunnyside! Sorry you are not here under better circumstances, but that is the way this thing usually goes.

You may want to consider posting over on the Friends & Family forum where you will find people who are going through similar experiences.

I am an addict myself. Used to be a little of everything, but towards the end painkillers and eventually heroin. Hopefully your husbands progression is not like mine. I have been sober for a while now so it is possible, but it took me close to 5 years of trying. I put my wife through hell. Spent a couple hundred thousand dollars on drugs. Lied to her so much she quit listening. We have 3 kids together and she probably would have been better off leaving me, but I am glad she didn't. Things are great today, but it takes a LOOONG time for the trust to come back. It is important you take care of yourself. Living with an addict isn't easy. I hope things work out for you. Take care!!!

Lily

Yes, I would agree the friends and family forum is a great place for you, but I will share w/ you my opiate addiction. I first tried them in 1999 and it did take me 11 years to get clean, but I had a lot of clean time in between the relapses.

I never spent money though on them, minus the Rx costs. (only a couple of dollars per Rx's) however, I certainly could have ruined everyones life in the meantime. For that I am so grateful!

Just curious, what was his childhood like?

Blessings, Sheila

KelleyF

Hi Sunny,

Just a suggestion.... I go to the friends and family forum because my BF is in recovery. But I also suggest you at least read some from this forum even if you decide to post over there. It's helpful to see things from different angles.
And I've found in my opinion friends and family tend to suggest the same thing to everyone: run and save yourself. I can't take it over there all the time; I'd go insane with all the negativity.

I have to give credit to folks on the substance abuse forum because you guys dig deep over here, let the truth spill out, and most important you have HOPE
Never ever let that go.

Kel

RubyRose

Hi Sunny: I only know what worked for me but I'll share it as well. I was using and abusing pain killers of all kinds and then oxycontin the last few years.

My Mom had a heart attack 3 years ago and my very first thought was "Do I have enough pills to last me?" My Mom did really well and is vivacious and healthy today. Me - on the other hand was mortified at my selfish behavior and couldn't believe I worried more about my pills than my Mom!

That's what it finally took for me to even admit I was an addict, I went to the Dr. and admitted I was an addict. With his help I went c/t off oxy. It was hard, really hard, but I continue in recovery today - have been clean 2yrs 9 mo. It took me realizing I loved my Mom more than my pills!

...Ruby...

KuanYin

Welcome sunnyside. I'm usually over on friends and family of SA's, because I have a 27 year old son who is an opiate user, but I like to stop over on this site from time to time. I can share my experience from the past 7 or so years my son has been using. All my anxiety, suffering, begging, threats, ultimatums, nor the money I spent on rehabs for him, nor the money he stole from me, nor the jail time he did.....none of his stopped him from using because he does not want to stop. My AS likes being high, he likes the euphoria that opiates provide more than anything or anyone on this earth. My AS will lie, cheat, steal, do whatever it takes to score his drugs. That's very hard for me to admit, and harder to admit that I cannot save him, I cannot change him.

Prayers and hugs for you.

sunnysideup97

Thanks for all the posts. I do visit the friends and fam forums, but just dont feel I get what I need, which is a straight foward point of view from others in my husbands situation. I appreciate all of the honesty, whether good or bad. I have had much clarity over the last month due to some of the resources I am using online, as well as the talks Ive been able to have with my husband almost a month clean the 2nd time around. I am truly a very strong cut throat person, so it is hard for me to accept such weakness on my behalf in this situation. I guess it is partly b/c how the addiction began. My husband first began using oxy prescribed by a physician for a back injury. A year later, he was abusing the RX and highly addicted. So on one hand I knew he was using, but didnt really realize he was abusing. To his credit, he came to me one day, told me everything, and said he needed to get help. The next day, he checked into a detox program and was clean for little over a yr. During that time he refused to do any meetings. Approx. 6-8 mths. ago, we had a friend staying with us a few days in from out of town, little did I know, he was using oxy, and my husband faltered in a moment of weakness. Needless to say, he had started using again. Now detoxed and clean almost a month, our journey begins again. Im not making excuses for him, but really wonder if this would have happened to him, if it wasnt flaunted in his face? Would he have ever became an addict if the Dr. hadnt been prescribing oxy for so long? Is my situation really any different than anyone elses? These R just a few of the things I have recently asked myself. I worry more this time, b/c he was caught, he didnt reach out for help like last time. He says it is b/c he was so ashamed he had failed. I know he is giving it his all, but I still wonder will we get stuck in this continuous battle forever with my guard up? Am I a heartless wife b/c I think of leaving so soon when he needs me most? Or Am I weak b/c im still here and have a child that needs me to be strong?

meditation

HI, I am an addict, and got to be one from legal prescriptions from over 6 surgeries in less than 9 months. I am a nurse and I thought I knew better, but this addiction business sneaks up on people. It's something that happens to all classes, it's not just a low class thing nor is it from lack of education. Nancy Reagon's just say no program is to laugh at because it's more than just say no. you don't even know you're an addict before you're an addict. It has nearly destroyed my life, I've got almost 3.5 years clean and I hope to go back into my profession, what's barring me is all the stigma, even when in a strict program and thru rehab and treatment. Your husband doesn't want to be an addict I would guess but his brain chemistry is telling him otherwise. I hope and pray you guys will come out of the other end it's a life long fight. It doesn't ever go away even with a few years of no use. Many hugs for you