The fears list
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 25
The fears list
from pg 68
I'm finding that I have some fear of certain people that are also on my resentment list. Should they stay on the fears list as well as the resentment list? This seems a little redundant to me. Also, some of the reasons I am resentful at these people is because I have a fear of them. So if they're on the resentment list, should they also be on the fear list?
Thanks
We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper even though we had no resentment in connection with them.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Yep be a real good idea to do this step with a sponsor .
The main reason i did mine with a sponsor was.......id been lying for so many years, id actually started to believe my own BS....
Example......i had trouble seeing my part in a resentment...and my harms list got a far bit longer than i thought adequate ..lol..
At this point, i didnt class myself as recovered......ie......i had the mind of a drunk, which don't quite see the world as it really is ....well mine anyhow.
My step 4 wasn't an academic test, although i first approached it, as if it was.
requirement is fearless and leaving no stone unturned ...yep, thats NO stone unturned.....that is of course youve taken the first 3 steps
Good luck........be interested to hear how you get on.
The main reason i did mine with a sponsor was.......id been lying for so many years, id actually started to believe my own BS....
Example......i had trouble seeing my part in a resentment...and my harms list got a far bit longer than i thought adequate ..lol..
At this point, i didnt class myself as recovered......ie......i had the mind of a drunk, which don't quite see the world as it really is ....well mine anyhow.
My step 4 wasn't an academic test, although i first approached it, as if it was.
requirement is fearless and leaving no stone unturned ...yep, thats NO stone unturned.....that is of course youve taken the first 3 steps
Good luck........be interested to hear how you get on.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
hiya whiskeyjoe
from the book and my experience
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.
yep...free from anger
we listed people,institutions,and principles we are/were angry with.
drop the word resentments and use anger,it would help you if you do
I made a list,and worked the first 3 columns
in column 3,I found a fear under each instance of anger
so,anger and fear was connected
what did I do about that?
We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
that prayer is from the big book and a lot of us call it the sick mans prayer
the next order of AA business is to pray,sincerely,for each one on the list.Leave the fears alone and column 4 until you do.When I did this,God removed the anger and turned it into compassion and a desire to set right any wrongs for those on my list.
Then,and then only,after all the sincere praying,was I to finish my anger section with column 4,and then and then only could I see it as God would have me see it.
The anger was gone and then I took those fears and put them on my fear list,prayed,and God gave me more fears to put on the fear list.
(We listed our fears even though they had no resentment in connection with them)
If you have anger when writing out a fear list,you are probably either getting ahead of yourself,skipped the sick mans prayer or was in-sincere about the prayer.
that is AA
straight from the book
it works if you are sincere and work it
you want good AA
follow those directions and study the big book
from the book and my experience
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.
yep...free from anger
we listed people,institutions,and principles we are/were angry with.
drop the word resentments and use anger,it would help you if you do
I made a list,and worked the first 3 columns
in column 3,I found a fear under each instance of anger
so,anger and fear was connected
what did I do about that?
We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
that prayer is from the big book and a lot of us call it the sick mans prayer
the next order of AA business is to pray,sincerely,for each one on the list.Leave the fears alone and column 4 until you do.When I did this,God removed the anger and turned it into compassion and a desire to set right any wrongs for those on my list.
Then,and then only,after all the sincere praying,was I to finish my anger section with column 4,and then and then only could I see it as God would have me see it.
The anger was gone and then I took those fears and put them on my fear list,prayed,and God gave me more fears to put on the fear list.
(We listed our fears even though they had no resentment in connection with them)
If you have anger when writing out a fear list,you are probably either getting ahead of yourself,skipped the sick mans prayer or was in-sincere about the prayer.
that is AA
straight from the book
it works if you are sincere and work it
you want good AA
follow those directions and study the big book
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
"We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them"
As TommyH suggested, most resentment and anger can be associated with a fear - I've found that to be the case. But what about those lingering fears that don't have angers and what not associated with them ? So I start writing fears down.
Other than that, I don't have any experience with remembering a resentment or an anger while I'm composing a fear list. I don't write my 4th Steps using a hammer and chisel into a block of granite or anything so if I remember a resentment or anger - or if one crops up while I'm writing inventory, I'll just add it to the resentment list.
Most of my resentments are about things that have happened or are happening.
Most of my fears are things I'm afraid might happen.
Good luck. It's a great tool. Done a bunch, taken several folks through it by showing them how I do it, I even two non-alcoholics through the 4th Step. All seem to concur, great tool.
As TommyH suggested, most resentment and anger can be associated with a fear - I've found that to be the case. But what about those lingering fears that don't have angers and what not associated with them ? So I start writing fears down.
Other than that, I don't have any experience with remembering a resentment or an anger while I'm composing a fear list. I don't write my 4th Steps using a hammer and chisel into a block of granite or anything so if I remember a resentment or anger - or if one crops up while I'm writing inventory, I'll just add it to the resentment list.
Most of my resentments are about things that have happened or are happening.
Most of my fears are things I'm afraid might happen.
Good luck. It's a great tool. Done a bunch, taken several folks through it by showing them how I do it, I even two non-alcoholics through the 4th Step. All seem to concur, great tool.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by dgillz 
What does your sponsor say?
I could tell you how I did mine, but I sense you are doing this w/o a sponsor, which is no way to do it IMHO.
I could tell you how I did mine, but I sense you are doing this w/o a sponsor, which is no way to do it IMHO.
I'll call him and ask his opinion.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Wisdom 006: Anger and Resentments are masks for fear
Today's 12 Step quote is:
"Anger and resentment are masks for fear."
When I came into the program, I was pretty angry. With the alcohol and drugs gone, I very quickly got in touch with my feelings, and for me that meant my anger quickly turned into rage. Oh, and resentments - I had a lot of those as well. Without having developed the spiritual tools to deal with my feelings yet, I was pretty miserable.
As I began working my way through the program, I learned in the twelve and twelve that we were driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear. After doing a thorough 4th step that included a fear inventory, I found I was driven by way more than just a hundred! It took years, though, for me to realize the connection between my fears and the anger and resentment I felt.
Today I not only see the connection, but I feel it all the time. In fact, today I know that whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable, impatient, quick to snap at people, or just generally irritable, I'm usually in fear of something. And, again, the twelve and twelve tells me it's usually that I'm afraid of losing something or of not getting something I demand. The good news is that today I have a solution. Today, when I'm feeling angry or resentful, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of. Doing this allows me to take the mask off my fears and that always leads me to a solution.
Today's 12 Step quote is:
"Anger and resentment are masks for fear."
When I came into the program, I was pretty angry. With the alcohol and drugs gone, I very quickly got in touch with my feelings, and for me that meant my anger quickly turned into rage. Oh, and resentments - I had a lot of those as well. Without having developed the spiritual tools to deal with my feelings yet, I was pretty miserable.
As I began working my way through the program, I learned in the twelve and twelve that we were driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear. After doing a thorough 4th step that included a fear inventory, I found I was driven by way more than just a hundred! It took years, though, for me to realize the connection between my fears and the anger and resentment I felt.
Today I not only see the connection, but I feel it all the time. In fact, today I know that whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable, impatient, quick to snap at people, or just generally irritable, I'm usually in fear of something. And, again, the twelve and twelve tells me it's usually that I'm afraid of losing something or of not getting something I demand. The good news is that today I have a solution. Today, when I'm feeling angry or resentful, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of. Doing this allows me to take the mask off my fears and that always leads me to a solution.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
THE FEAR INVENTORY
Let's look at the next inventory mentioned in Step 4 beginning on page 67 and please turn in your packet to the Fear Inventory. In the Big Book, this inventory starts with the last paragraph on page 67 where it says:
"Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve." (In the Fear Inventory, this next line is part of column 3. The book continues) "But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble."
So fear is a thief! It robs us of our relationship with God and others, and prevents us from reaching our full potential. Fears can usually be classified into three categories - afraid of losing what I have, afraid of not getting what I want, and afraid of being found out. Fear in and of itself is NOT necessarily a bad thing. When right-sized and not controlling, fear brings about caution and prevents us from being hurt. In other words, if I am by the ledge on the roof of a tall building and I experience some fear, it is a good thing because it is letting me know that I am in a dangerous position. The fear around this situation will bring about caution and will prevent me from being hurt. However, if going near a sealed window on the twenty-ninth floor of an office building freezes me in panic and fear, this is NOT right-sized and IS controlling, and I need to analyze and seek truth about this fear so I can move toward being free of it.
A really great acronym for the word fear is "false evidence appearing real". Another acronym, perhaps on the humorous side, is "frantic efforts to appear recovered". Just like with the Resentment Inventory, we have provided a Fear Inventory Prompt Sheet to help you with identifying your fears.
The book continues with the first paragraph on page 68:
"We reviewed our fears thoroughly (column 1). We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. (It says this because we have ALREADY identified the fears associated with resentment when we did the fourth column in the Resentment Inventory, so now we are just looking for OTHER fears not associated with our resentments. Remember to also put the fears found in the Resentment Inventory onto the Fears Inventory. The book continues
We asked ourselves why we had them (column 2). Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? (Also column 3.) Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
"Perhaps there is a better way (column 4) - we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role HE assigns.(That's a reference back to the decision we made in the Third Step.) Just to the extent that we do as we think HE would have us, AND humbly rely on Him, [then] does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. ALL men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let HIM demonstrate, through us, what He can do. (Now here's a prayer) We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us BE. AT ONCE, we commence to outgrow fear."
Please begin writing all four columns of the Fear Inventory before continuing to the next inventory, finishing each column (top to bottom) before going on to the next column. See the above attachment for the forms. All four columns do not require long explanations - they should be brief bullet statements to jog your memory about the facts for when you do your 5th Step, at which time you can go into greater detail. Continue spending some time with someone who is familiar with doing a 4th Step Inventory out of the Big Book to help guide you as you go along.
How do we get rid of fear? I'll bet you could guess. That's right - through prayer!
Page 68, paragraph three, sixth line:
"We never apologize for God. Instead we let HIM demonstrate, through us, what He can do. (Again, here's the prayer) We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us BE. (The results of doing this are in the next sentence.) At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
Notice the book doesn't say fear goes away and never comes back again. It states that we OUTGROW fear. We outgrow fear because through prayer, we're asking God to direct us toward His Will - to do His Work - to do His bidding. And notice what the last part of the prayer says, "...what HE would have us BE." Not what He would have us DO, but what He would have us BE. We must go deeper than just changing out actions, because like we've said before, who we are and what motivates us will drive our thoughts and actions.
Let's look at the next inventory mentioned in Step 4 beginning on page 67 and please turn in your packet to the Fear Inventory. In the Big Book, this inventory starts with the last paragraph on page 67 where it says:
"Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve." (In the Fear Inventory, this next line is part of column 3. The book continues) "But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble."
So fear is a thief! It robs us of our relationship with God and others, and prevents us from reaching our full potential. Fears can usually be classified into three categories - afraid of losing what I have, afraid of not getting what I want, and afraid of being found out. Fear in and of itself is NOT necessarily a bad thing. When right-sized and not controlling, fear brings about caution and prevents us from being hurt. In other words, if I am by the ledge on the roof of a tall building and I experience some fear, it is a good thing because it is letting me know that I am in a dangerous position. The fear around this situation will bring about caution and will prevent me from being hurt. However, if going near a sealed window on the twenty-ninth floor of an office building freezes me in panic and fear, this is NOT right-sized and IS controlling, and I need to analyze and seek truth about this fear so I can move toward being free of it.
A really great acronym for the word fear is "false evidence appearing real". Another acronym, perhaps on the humorous side, is "frantic efforts to appear recovered". Just like with the Resentment Inventory, we have provided a Fear Inventory Prompt Sheet to help you with identifying your fears.
The book continues with the first paragraph on page 68:
"We reviewed our fears thoroughly (column 1). We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. (It says this because we have ALREADY identified the fears associated with resentment when we did the fourth column in the Resentment Inventory, so now we are just looking for OTHER fears not associated with our resentments. Remember to also put the fears found in the Resentment Inventory onto the Fears Inventory. The book continues
We asked ourselves why we had them (column 2). Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? (Also column 3.) Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. "Perhaps there is a better way (column 4) - we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role HE assigns.(That's a reference back to the decision we made in the Third Step.) Just to the extent that we do as we think HE would have us, AND humbly rely on Him, [then] does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. ALL men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let HIM demonstrate, through us, what He can do. (Now here's a prayer) We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us BE. AT ONCE, we commence to outgrow fear."
Please begin writing all four columns of the Fear Inventory before continuing to the next inventory, finishing each column (top to bottom) before going on to the next column. See the above attachment for the forms. All four columns do not require long explanations - they should be brief bullet statements to jog your memory about the facts for when you do your 5th Step, at which time you can go into greater detail. Continue spending some time with someone who is familiar with doing a 4th Step Inventory out of the Big Book to help guide you as you go along.
How do we get rid of fear? I'll bet you could guess. That's right - through prayer!
Page 68, paragraph three, sixth line:
"We never apologize for God. Instead we let HIM demonstrate, through us, what He can do. (Again, here's the prayer) We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us BE. (The results of doing this are in the next sentence.) At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
Notice the book doesn't say fear goes away and never comes back again. It states that we OUTGROW fear. We outgrow fear because through prayer, we're asking God to direct us toward His Will - to do His Work - to do His bidding. And notice what the last part of the prayer says, "...what HE would have us BE." Not what He would have us DO, but what He would have us BE. We must go deeper than just changing out actions, because like we've said before, who we are and what motivates us will drive our thoughts and actions.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. (It says this because we have ALREADY identified the fears associated with resentment when we did the fourth column in the Resentment Inventory, so now we are just looking for OTHER fears not associated with our resentments. Remember to also put the fears found in the Resentment Inventory onto the Fears Inventory.
Veritsa,not trying to pick a fight with you,so bear with me here,ok?
my big book directions do not say that
what my big book says is we are to pray for those on our resentment list before going on to column 4 in the anger section.The fears are listed in column 3,not 4,in my big book.
thru prayer,the resentment is lifted and we truely do not have any resentment associated with those fears.Then we are free to list them on our fear inventory later when we do the fear inventory.
Just identifying them does not provide us freedom from the anger.We should never put a fear on our fear inventory when there is anger connected to it.
Veritsa,not trying to pick a fight with you,so bear with me here,ok?
my big book directions do not say that
what my big book says is we are to pray for those on our resentment list before going on to column 4 in the anger section.The fears are listed in column 3,not 4,in my big book.
thru prayer,the resentment is lifted and we truely do not have any resentment associated with those fears.Then we are free to list them on our fear inventory later when we do the fear inventory.
Just identifying them does not provide us freedom from the anger.We should never put a fear on our fear inventory when there is anger connected to it.
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