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Step 5 -AA

Old 03-09-2012, 09:33 PM
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Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
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Post Step 5 -AA

Hi, Sober Recovery.

Thanks for the step board. Basically, Step 5 was my introduction to "EGO" deflation 101. It was a huge slice of humble pie 20 years in the making. I felt this tremendous sense of relief, as I spilled my guts out about everything. And to a complete stranger nonetheless. I know it gave him Goosebumps; at least I thought it did. I guess he'd heard my story before. There was so much on my plate he didn't know, and so many secrets still left unresolved. A bitter reminder of days long gone. These unresolved conflicts left lasting impressions on my life for years. A huge burden overshadowing my need to feel forgiven. It was also the first to go. Then came the resentments, and anything in between. Basically, what poured out from there could only be described as 'mind blowing', for sure. If you had to gauge it on a scale of 1 to 10, it would be an 11. My sponsor hasn't been the same, since. However, it wasn't so easy at first. It was much different in the beginning, unfortunately. And this is why?

I was stuck on principles, or so I thought. Actually, It was more like pride. Anything that went against my better nature was not worth mentioning. Especially, if I had to explain my actions to another alcoholic. I'd rather confess my faults to a wandering wildebeest than confide in anyone else. So my tale of woe continued, unfortunately. That, was until my sponsor suggested it to me. Then, I had to put all doubts aside and do the step. And When I did, something amazing happened. I experienced this wonderful sense of relief. It felt like the weight of hundred monkeys being lifted off my shoulders. That's when I knew a miracle had taken place. I experienced my first real breakthrough in sobriety, thank God, and haven't looked back since. And so can you.

The key to step 5 has always been humility; A certain willingness to let go and let God. Those emotions that seemed to obstruct our view of the sublime will dissipate, once our defects our exposed. Bill W. makes mention of this many times in the 12 &12, and with good reason. He also does so with sincere eloquence, I might add. It's actually so profound that it's worth mentioning. So, here goes: "And when humility and serenity are so combined, something else of great moment is apt to occur. Many an A.A., once agnostic or atheistic, tells us that it was during this stage of Step Five that he first actually felt the presence of God. And even those who had faith already often become conscious of God as they never were before. This feeling of being at one with God and man, this emerging from isolation through the open and honest sharing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a resting place where we may prepare ourselves for the following Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety". How beautiful is that? This was my turning point, and one I need to experience all along. It became a springboard to a more purpose filled existence, for over 10+ years now. Thanks be to God. So, here's my suggestion. Do it and be done. And be transformed, like others have. Never doubting, never wavering. And done to the best of our ability. That, my friend, is how we "came to believe".

~God bless~
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