RDBplus3

I made my Big Plan commitment Sunday. I spent most of the day going thru the Advanced Crash Course on the AVRT site, making personal notes and copying quotes from the Course. I have that saved as a 4 page 'Commitment to my Big Plan'. Sunday was easy to stay Sober, because I am with family all day and cannot get a drink. But Monday I could have drank, and did not.

This morning, Tuesday, I am really struggling. It helped immensely to read over my 'Commitment Plan'. I am continually focusing on the reality that the addictive demand to drink is generated by my Beast (Flesh Nature, mid-Brain programming) and that the true 'I' is my Rational Thinking mind that has the abilities of consciousness, Reasoning, Moral Judgement, and Self-will.

However, at this point I have ALMOST headed for the liquor store repeatedly. Then.. I realized it is the addictive programming of my Beast Nature that is trying to convince 'ME' that it is 'Me' that 'I' want to drink. 'I' do not have to buy into this, of course, but on Day 3 my Addictive Beast programming is screaming bloody murder and it is VERY DIFFICULT to keep this all in focus.

Any feedback would be GREATLY APPRECIATED.

James18

I'm pretty much in the same boat today. I only just found the AVRT stuff and have been reading through it this afternoon. Sometimes I feel like I'm almost being marched to the shop/store by some unknown force. After reading through the AVRT site, I'm beginning to see this for what it is. I keep telling "IT", that I won't be dragged to the store today or ever, and it's pointless trying. Every time "IT" starts up, I tell it to shut up and try to distract myself by doing something that requires a degree of concentration. IT still tries to butt in, so I just say "Shut up, I'm busy".

It's kinda mad, but it's working. At least for now.

RDBplus3

The Battle RAGES between ‘ME’ (my conscious, rational, spiritual mind) and my Beast/Flesh Nature.

I get overwhelmed by the work load I have and the continuous tsunamis hitting me, then my Addiction Programming / Beast Voice slams me with thoughts and feelings that I am being stupid and foolishly negligent to not get a drink to help calm the waves and be better able to cope with the onslaught. … Then, I, the REAL me (my conscious, rational, spiritual mind), realize my Addictive Voice, Beast / Flesh Nature, is really what is struggling … struggling to make me believe ‘WE’ are in this fight against the world together. I get a glimpse of the AVRT concept that the REAL battle is NOW for the REAL ME to take my rightful position as the Conscious, Rational, Moral, and Spiritual head of the person that is ME.

And still, at Day 3 it is a CONTINUAL struggle to keep all of this in focus and NOT give in to the ‘Automatic’ behavior of heading to the liquor store for a drink.

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

GerandTwine

Recall the moment that you made your Big Plan and think of the positive feelings you had around that. You can recall that moment any time you want and feel the Abstinence Commitment Effect.

You may think lots of people know you ARE a drinker, but actually all they know is that you HAVE BEEN a drinker. And, they will certainly suspect that you WILL drink some more. So, you are truly the only person who knows that you USED TO BE a drinker, and no longer are.

Thinking or saying out loud "I used to drink!" will, of course, set off all your Beast's bells and whistles. Your AV will tell you you are lying to yourself and you will feel that anxiety. It's a good time to practice shifting back and forth from how you feel about quitting and how it feels about quitting.

Another way to counter a Beast attack is for you to use swear words against it. Your AV certainly won't hesitate to use them against you. Swear words are somewhat unique in their ability to circuit directly down into your midbrain without the usual neocortical filtering. Your Beast WILL hear YOU swearing at IT. You can actually yell it out for good effect, although if there are people around it may be a little awkward.

RDBplus3

Just went to Lunch by myself. Drove by the Liquor Store where I used to ALWAYS stop. I ran through various scenarios with my Beast wanting to drink. The thoughts crossed my mind that maybe I could drink tomorrow because my boss will be out of town. If I could hold out, maybe Saturday I could drink, because I would have done ‘really good’ to hold out till then.

Then I thought about the commitment I have made to NEVER drink! Wow, that is almost inconceivable! My Addictive Voice / Beast is working very hard to convince me it is ‘ME’ that is struggling. Then…I played with the concept of telling my Beast, NEVER. That really shook things up. I realize I am having a very difficult time getting it into my head that ‘I’ do not want to drink, for all of the reasons when I signed up for my Big Plan Commitment. My Beast / Addictive Voice is doing all it can to keep ‘ME’ drinking. Maybe I can continue to drink controllably and keep it hidden, under wraps, so that I can still get my much needed high.
:rotfxko

At day 3, it is a continual process to keep re-focusing that ‘I’ want to be completely sober for reasons I have thought through and made a commitment to, and it is the f*c&i#g Beast / Flesh / Addictive Voice that is wanting, demanding, screaming, panicking to get ‘ME’ to drink.

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

topspin

RBD,
I'm pretty sure the hyper-activity Beast barking will gradually slow more and more as days go by. And finally be reduced to an occasional whisper. Probably just really, really putting up it's best go of it now. It's "getting cornered" brings out the worst

As I didn't know of AVRT early on ,it's fascinating to hear your (and James 18's ) take, .........and progress.

OneSpark

"Maybe I can continue to drink controllably and keep it hidden, under wraps, so that I can still get my much needed high."

That's your beast talking. Remember all thoughts about drinking and breaking your commitment are beast thoughts. You've gone three days, it's still very early for you, and I understand that the cravings can be intense. You're still getting used to being sober. I've got 25 days clean so far, but that first week is absolutely the toughest.

When you hear your beast talking to you, acknowledge that you hear him, and quickly move on. Seriously, just do ANYTHING that will occupy your mind. Rearrange the living room if you have to. For me I've found that staying busy is crucial. Sometimes I'd even drop and do push ups until I couldn't do them anymore.

You're doing good. 3 days is a solid foundation to build on. Believe me, I know what you're going through. When I had 3 days I thought it'd be impossible for me to even go a week. But one by one the days pass, and now I almost have a month sober. I still have shaky days when the beast screams at me, but I find nothing beats waking up another day sober, remembering everything you did last night and knowing you didn't give in to the addiction that is killing you.

Good luck. Stay with it.

lilac0721

Today is day 4. I have read RR in the past and really thought it made a ton of sense. I just never committed to using AVRT and practicing it.

Today I had that opportunity. I had a very busy morning at work that went nonstop from 8:45 am til 1:15pm. I was pretty frazzled, exhausted, hungry and thought about drinking. As I left that work location to return to my home office, I thought about spending the rest of the afternoon zoning out with some vodka.

I made myself identify those thoughts as being the Beast, not the real me. I also thought about how disgusting alcohol actually is and how it would not help me accomplish my goals (lose weight, run a race, begin a meditation practice, balance my moods, etc). I just kept thinking "no, I don't want a drink, IT wants a drink. Stupid Beast."

I even drove past 2 liquor stores on the way home and had no problem driving right past them. I got to my house and felt comfortable that I had made the choice that was true to ME, not IT!!!!

I am definitely re-reading RR again soon. If I practice the techniques, the more time that goes by the easier saying no to the beast will be. What a relief that I don't have to declare my powerlessness in order to beat this addiction.

Terminally Unique

The Beast can only make you struggle if you are still uncertain about whether or not you will drink again. Once you take that option off the table, there is no need to fight the Beast. Just observe it dying.

That's the ticket. Stay in your right mind, and realize that it is not you suffering and struggling with deprivation, but IT, the Beast. And after all it has probably put you through, what do you care if that slimy thing suffers and squirms? It's payback time.

You may want to read through the AVRT threads as well.

straykatz

Great work RD........ Big day for me, day 30, yippee! and I am a big beliver of RR as it simply makes more sense then some of the more traditional methods.

One thing that works for me is knowing and being concious of WHEN and WHERE the cravings hit. Its kinda like being a vampire and avoiding blood I guess?

In my case, I am most vulnerable between 4pm and 7pm on an empty stomach so I really try to figure out each day where I am going to be and what I am going to be doing during this three hour period. In my case, always good to have food in the stomach, preferably being at home with family or if at work, get home quickly.

At any rate, everyone is different , just something I do to keep my beast down in the basemen t; continued best of luck!

RDBplus3

I also just made it through Day 4.
As I wrote in previous posts, I initially spent quite a few hours going thru the Advanced Crash Course, making assessments of my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to the material, copying quotes and portions that were really significant to me, and concluded with a TRUE written commitment to my 'Big Plan'.

In these few days since my commitment and Big Plan, I am having a struggle to Stay the Course, not because 'I' still want to drink, but because my Addictive Flesh Nature / Beast is screaming. The course identified the Addictive Voice, and said the Beast would also make noise, produce images, etc...but that Beast also produces EMOTIONS, which seem overwhelming these first few days.

That is why I continually keep re-focusing on the True Me, 'I' as being separate from the Beast Nature I have. I have re-read my 4 page Commitment Letter a number of times, to keep in focus that ‘I’ really have decided to simply never drink again, no matter what, and never change my mind about it.

Terminally Unique

Of course the Beast is screaming. You have effectively threatened it with death, and like a cornered rat, it is lashing out.

Yes, the Beast can indeed generate emotions, and the AV encompasses feelings as well as thoughts. You will feel the Beast struggling, but you have to be willing to show it no mercy, and to let it suffer. Rest assured that the Beast is damn near dead at this point, and is just gasping for air. Remember, you are choosing short-term, temporary discomfort in order to gain your freedom in the long term. Early on, when that slimy, degenerate thing was kicking and screaming, I just remembered all the horror it put me through, and I tried to think of it as payback.

This is good.

Careful with self-doubt about successfully abstaining, which is Addictive Voice, since it clearly suggests future drinking. If you are reading the letter in order to build up your confidence, hoping that it will grow by reading it, that is the AV faking you out. Set your confidence level for lifetime abstinence arbitrarily at 100% and recognize any self-doubt as the AV. Remember, the Beast is afraid of abstinence, but you have nothing to fear, and probably much to gain. Freedom from bondage, at the very least.

llastchance8

The beast or Monster wants to be fed. In good times, in bad times and in normal times. The beast wants to be fed if our favorite football team wins , looses or even there is tie !!! It wants to be fed if it rains, does not rain or on a beautiful sunny day...

Hence , the best way is not to feed the beast. The moment we stop feeding the beast, it gets weaker and weaker day by day .....

Good to know that you are using AVRT effectively... We wish you all the best...

GerandTwine

Hi RDBplus3,

I was surfing another thread on SR and saw your post wherein you wrote:

"My wife hates it when I drink. So when I travel on business, I have the tendency to overdo it. Or maybe I just let my addictive nature run out of control, unrestrained. Not a smart use of my faculties, since I am always responsible for whatever happens. I HATE that next morning when I have to try to figure out what actually happened the night before."

Recognize your AV as you read my rewrite of your above sentences.

"My wife hated it when I drank. So,when I travel on business, I had the tendency to overdo it. Or maybe I just let my addictive nature run out of control, unrestrained. Not a smart use of my faculties, since I am always responsible for whatever happens. I HATED that next morning when I had to try to figure out what actually had happened the night before."

Understandably, loved ones may go slow in believing you will never drink again. That is a belief they may never fully achieve, but it is an issue that your Big Plan is immune to.

I found that in most of the rare instances I revealed my Big Plan to others, it did seem to help speed up regaining trust. And when I say "revealed" I don't mean rehashing the past with why I made it, I mean just sharing with them my personal oath.