Understanding a bipolar 14 year old daughter
trying to mend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Where the Wild Things Are
Posts: 105
Understanding a bipolar 14 year old daughter
Some days my abundance of patience amazes even me. Other days, I can't find it anywhere. She gets up an hour early every morning and takes her meds and goes back to bed so that when she awakes for the day, she is tolerable. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't.
She may go for as long as four days at a time with predominately calm moods and no behavior problems. Then Bam! screaming, yelling, crying, irrational behavior takes over. This too may last for days, but usually sporadically. During these times, we tiptoe around her lest do or say something that sets her off.
Sometimes she gets so angry and frustrated that she pinches herself, scratches herself, bites her fingers, but she has never cut herself. She did tell a teacher at school that she cuts herself but admitted that she made that up. We've never seen any evidence of it.
She finds it all to easy to lie, even about insignificant things, and she has a tendency to steal--her favorite object to steal is cell phones, although she also favored money from my purse often enough that we had to install a safe.
She tends to tell "stories" that invoke sympathy from others, such as she has cancer and is undergoing treatment and doesn't know if she will live, or she had to move to a new school b/c someone was trying to kill her.
She got into a supposedly blocked social dating site at school and had intimate conversations with grown men, giving them her name and my cell number. One of them even called me! She was hoping to answer it before I did.
She becomes obsessed with unusual things. (Unfortunately, it's not cleanliness.) She will watch the same scene in a video over and over or read a scene in a book over and over, peel her toenails down to the quick making them bleed, pick at the skin of her upper lip until it bleeds...
At a time in her life when appearance should be paramount, she is unconcerned. She likes boys (too much--didn't most of us at that age?) and is constantly writing them notes and asking them to be her boyfriend, but strangely she has to be made to shampoo and shower every day. One of the meds that she was taking last year caused her to gain about 40 lbs, and it has been a nightmare trying to help her eat healthy and exercise. She fights us like an infant with a spoonful of nasty medicine.
She has to be reminded about daily routines. Did you wash your face, brush your teeth, take your medicine, etc. Sometimes these questions anger her, and she lashes out, but if we don't remind her, she doesn't do them, claiming she forgot.
Life is not always so negative. Sometimes, she is the sweetest person in the world, full of love, hugs, and I love yous. She is almost always well-behaved in front of strangers and friends. Those who don't know her well, would think that she is well-mannered and just about perfect.
We love her very much and want to help her be able to lead as normal a life as is possible. Our hearts break to watch her struggle so with her emotions and outbursts. If she never gets any better than she is right now, she will have to live at home with us forever. Our hopes are that as she matures, and is no longer battling with the physical, emotional, hormonal, and social changes that every teenager experiences, it will be easier to find the right meds to help her function independently. She has hopes of becoming a lawyer someday, and we would love to help her make that dream a reality, or whatever dream she chooses to pursue.
She does see a psychiatrist and a therapist. She's been on meds for ADHD since she was 7 and on meds for bipolar since she was 9.
It's been a frustrating and exhausting evening, and I just needed a little cathartic experience.
If any of you out there have some foolproof solutions, I'm willing to try them.
She may go for as long as four days at a time with predominately calm moods and no behavior problems. Then Bam! screaming, yelling, crying, irrational behavior takes over. This too may last for days, but usually sporadically. During these times, we tiptoe around her lest do or say something that sets her off.
Sometimes she gets so angry and frustrated that she pinches herself, scratches herself, bites her fingers, but she has never cut herself. She did tell a teacher at school that she cuts herself but admitted that she made that up. We've never seen any evidence of it.
She finds it all to easy to lie, even about insignificant things, and she has a tendency to steal--her favorite object to steal is cell phones, although she also favored money from my purse often enough that we had to install a safe.
She tends to tell "stories" that invoke sympathy from others, such as she has cancer and is undergoing treatment and doesn't know if she will live, or she had to move to a new school b/c someone was trying to kill her.
She got into a supposedly blocked social dating site at school and had intimate conversations with grown men, giving them her name and my cell number. One of them even called me! She was hoping to answer it before I did.
She becomes obsessed with unusual things. (Unfortunately, it's not cleanliness.) She will watch the same scene in a video over and over or read a scene in a book over and over, peel her toenails down to the quick making them bleed, pick at the skin of her upper lip until it bleeds...
At a time in her life when appearance should be paramount, she is unconcerned. She likes boys (too much--didn't most of us at that age?) and is constantly writing them notes and asking them to be her boyfriend, but strangely she has to be made to shampoo and shower every day. One of the meds that she was taking last year caused her to gain about 40 lbs, and it has been a nightmare trying to help her eat healthy and exercise. She fights us like an infant with a spoonful of nasty medicine.
She has to be reminded about daily routines. Did you wash your face, brush your teeth, take your medicine, etc. Sometimes these questions anger her, and she lashes out, but if we don't remind her, she doesn't do them, claiming she forgot.
Life is not always so negative. Sometimes, she is the sweetest person in the world, full of love, hugs, and I love yous. She is almost always well-behaved in front of strangers and friends. Those who don't know her well, would think that she is well-mannered and just about perfect.
We love her very much and want to help her be able to lead as normal a life as is possible. Our hearts break to watch her struggle so with her emotions and outbursts. If she never gets any better than she is right now, she will have to live at home with us forever. Our hopes are that as she matures, and is no longer battling with the physical, emotional, hormonal, and social changes that every teenager experiences, it will be easier to find the right meds to help her function independently. She has hopes of becoming a lawyer someday, and we would love to help her make that dream a reality, or whatever dream she chooses to pursue.
She does see a psychiatrist and a therapist. She's been on meds for ADHD since she was 7 and on meds for bipolar since she was 9.
It's been a frustrating and exhausting evening, and I just needed a little cathartic experience.
If any of you out there have some foolproof solutions, I'm willing to try them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm so very sorry your daughter is so unhappy and there is no easy fix to this situation. You said something that makes sense: the teen years are full of raging hormones that exacerbate her mental illness. But this sounds like a very extreme form of bipolar. Is it worth getting a second opinion from an other psychiatrist? Bipolar people should be able to at least take care of themselves.
trying to mend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Where the Wild Things Are
Posts: 105
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Yes, we are considering a second opinion. We have an appt in a couple of weeks with the therapist as parents. Our daughter won't be there this time. We live in a rural area, so our options are limited.
Her sleep patters are abnormal as well, so we are going to try to get some help there too. She sleeps 10 hours almost every night, tossing, turning, talking, whimpering, crying out. The covers end up on the floor on both sides of the bed. She often ends up sideways, hanging off both sides (twin bed) or upside down with her feet where her head should be. She wakes up tired and grumpy. She went through a sleep study almost a year ago, but they didn't find anything wrong.
Yes, we are considering a second opinion. We have an appt in a couple of weeks with the therapist as parents. Our daughter won't be there this time. We live in a rural area, so our options are limited.
Her sleep patters are abnormal as well, so we are going to try to get some help there too. She sleeps 10 hours almost every night, tossing, turning, talking, whimpering, crying out. The covers end up on the floor on both sides of the bed. She often ends up sideways, hanging off both sides (twin bed) or upside down with her feet where her head should be. She wakes up tired and grumpy. She went through a sleep study almost a year ago, but they didn't find anything wrong.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 236
Wow, your daughter sounds a LOT like me...I was diagnosed with bipolar at about 22 though I've had symptoms as far back as I can remember - many of them sound very similar to things your daughter is experiencing. At 26, I have a better view of what I put my mother through and I'm amazed she still speaks to me sometimes. I would go from calm to irate in 20 seconds flat for absolutely no reason whatsoever, my parents would walk on eggshells so as not to upset me, I was an excellent liar, had some issues with hygiene (I still do sometimes, I don't really know what that's about), and the sleep thing - you just described me (on the nights I actually slept). I don't really have any advice for you as I'm sort of seeing this from your daughter's side and have no idea how my mother dealt with it all...but I do sympathize and really hope things improve for you. I know it must be exhausting.
For what it's worth, things did get a little better as I got older - mostly the hormonal stuff that just really sent me flying off the handle as a younger person...I still had struggles which is how I ended up being diagnosed and properly medicated (finally). But now I have a Master's in behavioral neuroscience and will finish my PhD in about a year...I have rough days and still depend on my parents maybe a little more than my peers, but I don't live at home and am fully functional on my own (most of the time). I guess my point is don't lose hope and keep trying to help her as best you can - seeing doctors and therapists, noticing when medications aren't alleviating symptoms (you may have to be her advocate on this one at this age - she may not really know how to talk about what she's feeling yet and may have trouble talking to doctors about her behaviors...I had trouble with that at 14), and loving her...that's mostly what my mom did for me - she loved me even when I was a monster. And I can't thank her enough for that.
Good luck - keep us updated!
For what it's worth, things did get a little better as I got older - mostly the hormonal stuff that just really sent me flying off the handle as a younger person...I still had struggles which is how I ended up being diagnosed and properly medicated (finally). But now I have a Master's in behavioral neuroscience and will finish my PhD in about a year...I have rough days and still depend on my parents maybe a little more than my peers, but I don't live at home and am fully functional on my own (most of the time). I guess my point is don't lose hope and keep trying to help her as best you can - seeing doctors and therapists, noticing when medications aren't alleviating symptoms (you may have to be her advocate on this one at this age - she may not really know how to talk about what she's feeling yet and may have trouble talking to doctors about her behaviors...I had trouble with that at 14), and loving her...that's mostly what my mom did for me - she loved me even when I was a monster. And I can't thank her enough for that.
Good luck - keep us updated!
trying to mend
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Where the Wild Things Are
Posts: 105
Thank you defyinggravity for the words of hope. The doctor has changed her meds, and she seems to be responding well (or at least better). Lithium seems to be what she responds to the best right now, and her new ADHD med is vyvanse. She also takes clonopin.
Your story gives me the hope that she too will be able to manage life on her own someday.
I am happy that you have come so far and have loving parents to help you through it. Your perseverance is admirable.
Thanks again for the rays of hope that mean so much to us.
Just to know that we are not alone, that others are on this rocky boat too, provides some comfort.
Your story gives me the hope that she too will be able to manage life on her own someday.
I am happy that you have come so far and have loving parents to help you through it. Your perseverance is admirable.
Thanks again for the rays of hope that mean so much to us.
Just to know that we are not alone, that others are on this rocky boat too, provides some comfort.
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