Captain1

Well I have tried to be positive. The anxiety will not lay off. Nothing can put me to sleep. Detox dr actually put me on ambien. Took it two nights nothing. Since my detox the dr found I metabolize meds real fast probably why no pain med really ever worked.
In detox under full dr observation they gave me everything to put me down including bp meds.

So it seems I hit a wall. A little depressed. The world seems strange. Going out is strange. Don't know what to say to people. Feel like an outsider looking in. Like the world slowed down or something. My hands sweat just writting this.
I understand why I would relapse. I just want to feel normal. Even though I know it's not normal. Just my mind and energy back. I don't know how much longer my body can handle this stress seems like it won't let go.

I had some good days but now it seems it's getting worse again. Is this normal how much longer?

Freedom1990

I had many days early in recovery when I would tell myself "this too shall pass."

Sometimes I had to shave it down to five minutes at a time. That was all I could handle.

Do you have any support system in place such as NA?

IvanKatz

Don't think you're alone. Some of us get off and bak to normal and other take much longer. I had the WORSE TIME EVER with the sleep and my doctor (my doctor and my doctor alone!!!!!!!!) put me on a low dose of seraquel. Knocked my @asz out like a light bulb and got 10 hours of sleep per night. I must say that in MY (Mine and mine alone)- sleep was the greatest medicine EVER for detox. I started them on day four after no sleep for 4 days. After taking them for a week, I backed off to half, and then nothing after week 3.
Please keep in mind, this was my experience and only your doctor can determine your best treatment!

Captain1

I understand we cant give medical advice but I have been working with my doctor. And hes been very understanding of my special needs but seems im all over the place. If you saw what all im prescibed for sleep you would be surprised. In one night under medical supervision I take 2 benadryls,2 xanax,2 sleeping pills 1 10 mg ambien, .2 clonodine and 15mg of melatonin. Hes says the worst addicts hes ever had would go down with half of that. I dont want any of it period but at some point I have to sleep. I mean I can stay awake through that! Im going to ask about saraquel.

I guess this whole way I process meds is really screwing me up. I just pray soon I start do get some normality back.
Thanks for all your thoughts

Captain1

I do not have a support team other than my family. Maybe its my addiction but I dont want to go talk to a councelor yet. I dont want the stress of explaining myself. Its easy here I never see anyone I dont have plan my day for it... Maybe im not ready to talk. Been thinking about n.a. But my dr thought counceling would be better. hes not into n.a. Which I discussed on that part of.the forum

efftheox

Lame as it sounds time heals all wounds. I'm struggling too, don't know what I should b doin yet, but I know eventuality I will. Hang in there with me man, we will figure something out. No one knows what it's "all" about but maybe we can find out what we give a sh** about and fight for that

neferkamichael

I hope this doesn't make you feel worse but everything you wrote describes me 1 year 6 months into sobriety. Life is slowly getting better for me, and I believe it will for you to.

Captain1

Funny thing is no doesnt make feel worse. Lets me know its all part of it. And if you guys/gals are making it so can I. Even if its only a minute,hour or day at a time.

keltie

Great attitude, Captain! Best of luck to you and congrats on your 17th day, man!

IvanKatz

I thought the same thing for a LONG time! Finally, last month I started seeing a Psychologist. Best thing I've done for myself in a LONG time! I was able to dump 40 years of baggage in 3-4 sessions. It's not really what he told me, it's what I was simply able to finally get out that helped. Much of the baggage was things I've always know just never verbalized. It was a small blessing what I did for myself.

Captain1

Ok just an update. Still cannot sleep without help. Called my dr. Because I'm starting to hallucinate walls and floors are moving at times. Trying not to freak out my family. Called my dr and told me opiates can effect the eyes and should pass no longer than a month. A little scary but what else can I do. Anxiety has been staying at the highest level in my life since detox. Could it be during detox removed my antidepressant also? The process was 8 hrs under with narcan being pumped into you. Xanax has helped but only for about 6 hrs. And after talking on SR I only take it once every few days. The dr has given me a lot of meds that have just as much addictiveness as pain pills. Soma,ambien,Xanax,vyvanse,clonodine, and trasadone. I won't take hardly anything but Xanax clonodine makes me cranky and fatigued.

I honestly believe if the anxiety was gone I would be fine. I don't crave pills at all just tired of this feeling of death and panic. My chest and shoulders hurt because I'm so tense.

Also my left eye has really lost sight since my detox. I know the clonodine can cause dry eyes but I don't know.

Got a new family dr but since I'm a new patient there's a long wait. Also I have been looking for a therapist or counselor but they keep refering me to a 30 day program inpatient program.

Also my wife joined SR thought it would be good for her like it has been for me.

IvanKatz

Captain,
THis is a temporary thing with your site. Every time I would quit, My site would go blurry at short distance and I'd always have near double vision at long distance for a day or two. It WILL GO AWAY! Takes a couple of days but rest assured, you're not the only one who has experienced it.