3 weeks were too much, and I fell again...
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 9
3 weeks were too much, and I fell again...
Oh well, im here again, feeling like crap and regreating my last weekend again...
once again, my mind beat me, cant belive how weak I am...it all started on saturday, went to my bjj class, got together with my mates to watch some UFC aftewards, got a text message from some girl, and then it all started, as I was watching the show, I couldnt stop thinking about going out and partying (I knew what was coming) I just seemed not to care, well I did, and thought over and over again how that would ended up... and it did, this time even worst than before... This time ended up with me in the ER room after 24 hours of doing coke, and with this girl in overdose state... I dont really know how, but we went to sleep at around 00:30, I took 2 mg of xanax so I could sleep somehow...at around 3:am I woke up having sex with her, dont really remember well how I did achive that, because I was half zombie from the xanax... anyways, I remember her talking some nonsence and me trying to sleep and then got up to tell her to go back to sleep or something, not so sure about it, I looked at her and she was in really zombie state... I recognized this because It happened to my mom years before, then I inmediately looked for the xanax box and saw it empty, she took like 15 or more 1 mg pills of it, right away I took her to the ER.. I stayed there till the doc told me she was fine, around 9 in the mourning I went back home.
She was jsuts a casual sex partner, but I cannot imagine what would've happened with my life if she had died on my bed...
just needed to get this out of my chest, will try to get some help, because im pretty sure that after 3 weeks, my head will start playing games on me again, and everytime it gets worst and worst...
have a nice week people, Im pretty sure I wont.
once again, my mind beat me, cant belive how weak I am...it all started on saturday, went to my bjj class, got together with my mates to watch some UFC aftewards, got a text message from some girl, and then it all started, as I was watching the show, I couldnt stop thinking about going out and partying (I knew what was coming) I just seemed not to care, well I did, and thought over and over again how that would ended up... and it did, this time even worst than before... This time ended up with me in the ER room after 24 hours of doing coke, and with this girl in overdose state... I dont really know how, but we went to sleep at around 00:30, I took 2 mg of xanax so I could sleep somehow...at around 3:am I woke up having sex with her, dont really remember well how I did achive that, because I was half zombie from the xanax... anyways, I remember her talking some nonsence and me trying to sleep and then got up to tell her to go back to sleep or something, not so sure about it, I looked at her and she was in really zombie state... I recognized this because It happened to my mom years before, then I inmediately looked for the xanax box and saw it empty, she took like 15 or more 1 mg pills of it, right away I took her to the ER.. I stayed there till the doc told me she was fine, around 9 in the mourning I went back home.
She was jsuts a casual sex partner, but I cannot imagine what would've happened with my life if she had died on my bed...
just needed to get this out of my chest, will try to get some help, because im pretty sure that after 3 weeks, my head will start playing games on me again, and everytime it gets worst and worst...
have a nice week people, Im pretty sure I wont.
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Originally Posted by marcelo 
will try to get some help, because im pretty sure that after 3 weeks, my head will start playing games on me again.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
I read in a previous post that you didn't want to attend NA because of the "god" aspect. Will you reconsider now? If you were religious, I'd say you had a guardian angel looking out for you. But you're not. So in terms an atheist would understand, you were pretty damn lucky. I hope you get the help you need before you put another person, or yourself, at risk.
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