FishKing

I would like to say hello to everyone, and that I am glad I found this forum.
I have been addicted to prescription pain meds for about 4 years. The first couple years I used every week or so, but the last 2 years it has been almost every day (anywhere from 100mg – 160mg of hydro or oxy). After having 3 knee surgeries, I have almost an unlimited supply. But, I am running out of the current script, and I feel that the timing is right.
I am going to taper down quickly this week and try to avoid the horrible withdrawal symptoms I have suffered through in the past. I work during the week, so the plan is to taper quickly till Thursday, and then stop completely on Friday. At least then I will be at home for the beginning of withdrawal.
I already know all the reasons to stop doing this to myself; it is just a matter of actually doing it.

I have read a lot of posts on here and so many of them sound like my situation or are similar. Fortunately, I have a great family life and a good paying job, and so many other things to live for.

I am tired of taking pills just to avoid withdrawal, because I stopped getting high on them a long time ago. Now I take pills just to stave off withdrawal. I feel ****** when I take them anyways. I fear I may have already done a lot of damage to my body.

I won’t be checking the forum at work for obvious reasons, but I will be checking in when I am home.

The stories of success give me hope, and I could use all the support and inspiration I can find.

No one in my family knows of my addiction. But I know of it all too well.

-Fish King

Dee74

Welcome to SR FishKing

D

FishKing

Thank you Dee74!

Stride34

Wish you all the best FK. You can do this.

FishKing

Thank You Stride34.

I have been putting this off for far too long.

Withdrawal has been a major hurdle for me. If I can get by the first hurdle, I am confident I could keep it going. I have not gone more than a week without pills in a long time. By the end of February, I hope to be well past that hurdle.

-FishKing

finaltime

you have a ton of support here... seems most of the people on this forum are previous pill poppers. Crazy how dangerous pills can be...I was in your same boat. Endless supply due to back injuries from volleyball, and nobody at all knew of my problem. Nov 19 I ended up coming clean to my husband and going from there. I have been through w/ds so many times and never could make it out. Longest I did was for 30 days, on the 31st day I went and got more meds! Who does that!!! keep posting and make sure you get some extra time off of work, you will need it.

dizzydolphin

Welcome to SR fishking. Wishing you the best in overcoming the W/Ds. Post whenever you need some advice, or just to rant. This is a great support.

Shining~Again

FishKing

Having a hard time pulling the trigger on this. Did a very fast taper the last couple days. I took 2 10mg's this morning (After doing about 10 10mg's CWE for a LOOONG time). I am starting to feel very depressed and anxious. My knee pain has been bad lately, but no where near as bad as it was in the past.

I am hoping that I can fight through the worst period while working. I tried quitting awhile ago while I was unemployed, but the boredom made it worse. I think being REALLY busy at work will help the time pass and distract me.

Anyways, thank you all for the welcome's! One way or another I am going to kick these. I am tired of living pill to pill, I am tired of damaging my body, I am tired of not having any more natural highs. I have basically been a zombie for the past years. I want off of this ride. Sure, I felt great taking them years ago, but now I just take them to feel "normal" or not horrible.

I have a wonderful life without these pills, and I just need to continue to fight through these depressing thoughts.

The physical symptoms are not a walk in the park, especially the sleeping and aches, but by far the depression and anxiety is what always brings me back.

Thanks again everyone. The stories and communication on this site are the best tool I have to kick this once and for all.

Tryin2Recover

Hello friend, of COURSE you have having a hard time pulling the trigger here. That little addict is inside pulling all the stops, tugging all the strings, doing his final magic tricks trying to prevent you from following through with this. You can do it, many before you have. I had a very similar habit to yours in terms of drug and dose when I finally surrendered. It can be done, the proof is all around us! My only point of suggestion here would be do not do this alone, there is a ton of help out there you just have to be willing to ask for it. I would suggest trying a 12 step meeting, that is where I learned how to recover. Whatever you do, dont give up, you dont ever have to use again!

Pandie

Welcome to SR !!

Hidingit

Hi Fishking... Im on day 6 and now feeling human. I too did a kind of quick taper, but went to my dr ahead if time and told him I wasnt sleeping to get some sleeping pills, and asked my sister for a few of her prescribed xanax because of mild anxiety. Keep in mind, oxy not dr perscribed ... no one knew my problem. I went from 60 to 30 for a week thn down to 15 for like 4 thn 1/2 of that for a couple. The worst was the first few days. Made myself go to work after the weekend and threw myself into work. My mean/evil was really close to the surface always. Whn I got up in the am on day 5 ... I didnt hurt all over. I was amazing, I had resolved in my mind I would just hurt forever due to the abuse I put my system thru.... but... its subsiding! I promise the cloud will start to go... the joy will come back into you life. Hang in there!

sktbrd

Good luck bro- you're situation sounds similar to mine. It's definitely not easy, but be grateful that even if they don't know, you have a family that loves you and a good job.

FishKing

Yea, I haven't been doing so well. I have cut back drastically the last week, but I have only gone 1 day without taking any. Right now I just have four 7.5mg's left, and I am going to take 3 of them tomorrow. I think going through this while working during the week is my best option, since it takes up a lot of my attention and time.

At any time I can call my dr and get a refill, so getting to Friday without doing that is critical. Since I cannot contact my doctor on the weekend.

So withdrawal will start kicking in on Wednesday. I have been putting this off so long. I always convince myself to get one more refill. Even though I have legitimately need to take pain pills many times over the past couple years, I take them far more often to get a little buzzed and to ward off withdrawal.

I am so tired of going through this. I am tired of worrying about my next dose or doses. Living my life around pills is horrible.

Work is really busy right now, and I am going to use that to my advantage. I am prescribed medication to help me sleep, so I hope that can at least partially combat insomnia.

Last April I quit for about a week, then went back and thought there was no chance I would be taking again. Well, in the last couple years, I have had about 30 clean days...if that.

Last time I used marijuana to get through the tough times, and it really helped, unfortunately, I have random drug testing now, and the last thing I want to do is lose my job.

So I just have to tough it out for the next week or so. I know the last time I stopped I really started feeling better around day 6. But my knee gave me serious problems, and I had to have another surgery.

The knee has been good enough to get by, and I think the last surgery was a success.

Sorry for the rambling, but I am already feeling a bit anxiety about the coming days. I just hope I have enough strength to get through till Friday. I know that would be a big first step. Actually, I need to get through tomorrow! Knowing that I only have 1 pill left for Wednesday, I am going to be REALLY tempted to drag this out another week or so.

But I know that no matter what, this has to end VERY soon. It might as well start THIS Wednesday than next Wednesday or the next...or the next...or the next...or the next... or the next....

Not to mention, another refill, and I know I will take more, and whatever leverage I have gained by the past weeks taper will be for nothing.

FishKing

I have still been unable to quit. But, I have drastically reduced the amount I have been taking. For years I have been taking 100-160mg a day or close to it. I stopped taking to get a buzz, and I have been taking just to slide into the withdrawal symptoms. I have tried quitting cold turkey, and it just hasn’t worked.
This is my most recent doses. Going from taking 160mg a day to:
Wednesday -20mg
Thursday -10mg
Friday -15mg
Saturday-7.5mg
Sunday-30mg
Monday-7.5mg
Tuesday- 2mg
Wednesday-11mg
Thursday -7.5mg
Friday -35mg
Saturday-35mg
Sunday-30mg
Monday-2mg
TODAY (Tuesday) -1mg

Need to take Imodium a lot, but the depression has not been as bad as it usually is when I try to quit. Of course I haven’t stopped yet.

This problem is only going to go away if I make it go away. Thankfully I am very busy at work (12 hr shifts M-F).

Knee pain has come a bit, but it isn’t bad.

I hope I can have the strength to quit all together in the coming days.

FishKing

WED.

Well I got through today with taking no pills. Working takes my mind off of it a bit, but I still want pills every 20 mins or so. Immodium has stopped the bathroom emergencies, but I still get cramps from time to time.

I have taken some big steps the past couple weeks. I know it isn't ideal, but it sure beats the last 3 or so years of taking large doses all the time.

I know this isn't the solution, but it has shown me that life without pills is possible, and in my future.

likehappiness

I can tell you this is really tough. I hope you are okay cause most people take off work to get through this hell that happens. Good luck and keep us posted. Use other advice on these threads and if you want to try look up Thomas Receipe. It helps with the vitamins that you need to replace.

FishKing

Thank you for your support.

Unfortunately I cracked a tooth today while eating. Oral surgery is scheduled for this Saturday.

100millionbirds

why not tell your family. Your addiction came honestly from surgery. It helped me. Just a thought, I know it is not possible for everyone. Stay strong. Just when you think you are gonna crack it ges better.

FishKing

I have told my wife, but to be honest it didn't really help. I thought it would make me feel better, and it just made me feel worse. The biggest reason was that she just didn't understand why I couldn't just stop.

That is why I have a lot of respect for everyone here, you all know what I am going through.

I am just going to need to get right back to it after my surgery in 2 days. Bad timing, but better it happens now, than in a couple weeks when I am 100% clean.