Back Pain for reals!! Addict too- help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Back Pain for reals!! Addict too- help
Hi everyone. After confessing my vicodin addiction to my doctor, (to be honest, sometimes I wish i hadn't) I got an MRI to try and get to the root of my back trouble. Two bulging discs, scoliosis, arthritis...I feel like saying HA I told you so! Even my NA buddies told me "it's just your addiction wanting drugs, you're not in real pain." Not true!!
I'm being referred to a pain management doc. I know there are plenty of people on here WAY worse than me who do not take opiates. I've been clean for 10 days (slipped, otherwise it would have been 23 days).
I am struggling to accept the first step- my powerlessness over opiates. I know it's because I see a crack in the door- a tiny shaft of light which says "but I'm in real pain- i might get to continue just a bit/now and then/once in a while..."
My doctor is the only person I can get them from. SHe will most likely NEVER prescribe for me again. I cannot doctor shop, since I am red flagged. SO, unlikely i'll get any. But that doesn't stop my obsession. I know you understand.
One more thing- I found out an acquaintance of mine is hooked on vicodin and knows a dealer. this nags and nags at me...I have nightmares that I call her and get the dealers phone # and start using that way. Hellllp!
I'm being referred to a pain management doc. I know there are plenty of people on here WAY worse than me who do not take opiates. I've been clean for 10 days (slipped, otherwise it would have been 23 days).
I am struggling to accept the first step- my powerlessness over opiates. I know it's because I see a crack in the door- a tiny shaft of light which says "but I'm in real pain- i might get to continue just a bit/now and then/once in a while..."
My doctor is the only person I can get them from. SHe will most likely NEVER prescribe for me again. I cannot doctor shop, since I am red flagged. SO, unlikely i'll get any. But that doesn't stop my obsession. I know you understand.
One more thing- I found out an acquaintance of mine is hooked on vicodin and knows a dealer. this nags and nags at me...I have nightmares that I call her and get the dealers phone # and start using that way. Hellllp!
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Yeah ... if there's one thing we do around here ... it's understand 
The problem is ... opioids don't FIX ANYTHING, Keltie. You know that. You have to find another way, because pain-killing drugs just don't WORK forever. They do, however, make us more miserable than the pain does, eventually.
You need to get yourself to the point of thinking 'It's just NOT an OPTION' when thinking about dope for your pain.
If you can't get there, then maybe you've not suffered ENOUGH yet from this disease, and you'll need to pick up the phone, call your friend, get the dealers number, and go back out there. See where THAT road leads. I've been down it, and I'm here to tell ya ... it's BAD PLACES you DON'T want to go.
A much better option, however, is to pick up the phone and call your sponsor and tell on yourself. You don't HAVE TO have a really, really low 'bottom' like so many of us did. You can instead learn from our 'wisdom', such as it is.
Trust me when I say ... this is not just me and us sober folk trying to take something away from you here. The reality is that using as a longer-term strategy DOESN'T WORK. Really and truly. It stops working, it solves NOTHING, and it WILL make you MORE miserable. There is NO WAY around this reality. It's like gravity, and getting older.
So ... practice with me: Using is not an option. Using is not an option. Using IS NOT AN OPTION.
The problem is ... opioids don't FIX ANYTHING, Keltie. You know that. You have to find another way, because pain-killing drugs just don't WORK forever. They do, however, make us more miserable than the pain does, eventually.
You need to get yourself to the point of thinking 'It's just NOT an OPTION' when thinking about dope for your pain.
If you can't get there, then maybe you've not suffered ENOUGH yet from this disease, and you'll need to pick up the phone, call your friend, get the dealers number, and go back out there. See where THAT road leads. I've been down it, and I'm here to tell ya ... it's BAD PLACES you DON'T want to go.
A much better option, however, is to pick up the phone and call your sponsor and tell on yourself. You don't HAVE TO have a really, really low 'bottom' like so many of us did. You can instead learn from our 'wisdom', such as it is.
Trust me when I say ... this is not just me and us sober folk trying to take something away from you here. The reality is that using as a longer-term strategy DOESN'T WORK. Really and truly. It stops working, it solves NOTHING, and it WILL make you MORE miserable. There is NO WAY around this reality. It's like gravity, and getting older.
So ... practice with me: Using is not an option. Using is not an option. Using IS NOT AN OPTION.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Bval I know you are SO right about everything. I know...it's just my addiction saying "just get me through until I can see the pain doc"..."just a little more" etc . I know it's more my addiction talking than the actual pain. I think I need to take it an hour at a time. This damn obsession is killing me.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 67
Keltie,
All I can say is bval & anvilhead are right.
And, really, if you COULD handle taking just a few opies, as prescribed, would you REALLY be here on a SR website?
"Normal" people who really don't have problems abusing drugs NEVER wonder to themselves, "Hmmm, I wonder if I have a problem with Vicoden, or Oxys, or weed, or alcohol?"
The brutal truth is you are here & for a very good reason: you have crossed that invisible line btw. use and abuse, and there's no going back, my friend.
I urge you to look up FT (FailedTaper)'s posts. She has lots of physical pain that she finds a way to deal with too. Plus she's writes the most awesome posts ever & has helped me more than I can say. Actually, I should say that, to her...
Hang in there my friend. Read the Big Book. Pray. Look for sober solutions and they will appear.
All I can say is bval & anvilhead are right.
And, really, if you COULD handle taking just a few opies, as prescribed, would you REALLY be here on a SR website?
"Normal" people who really don't have problems abusing drugs NEVER wonder to themselves, "Hmmm, I wonder if I have a problem with Vicoden, or Oxys, or weed, or alcohol?"
The brutal truth is you are here & for a very good reason: you have crossed that invisible line btw. use and abuse, and there's no going back, my friend.
I urge you to look up FT (FailedTaper)'s posts. She has lots of physical pain that she finds a way to deal with too. Plus she's writes the most awesome posts ever & has helped me more than I can say. Actually, I should say that, to her...
Hang in there my friend. Read the Big Book. Pray. Look for sober solutions and they will appear.
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