4 th day in detox
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
I'm 1 1/2 years sober and I still have to fight off the temptation, although I do feel better than in the beginning. I'm 4 months off crack and I just "suffer through" the urges. I am better off because I dont use. You'll make it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Il
Posts: 86
It seems relentless. They told me the first three days were the worst. But today
is missery. I did a rapid detox 8 hrs under.never been so down exhaustedbeat up.
Clonodin is barely taking the edge off.i just want to end it
is missery. I did a rapid detox 8 hrs under.never been so down exhaustedbeat up.
Clonodin is barely taking the edge off.i just want to end it
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 83
Hi Captain. I am in Day 12 of detox, and I can tell you that the first 5 or 6 days were the worst. I still don't feel completely normal, but I am happy to be on the road to recovery. I know it's hard and it feels like it will never end, but it does (or so I've been told).
For the first week, when I was really going through detoxing, I read amazing stories of hope and recovery on this site. Keep up the faith. It will get better.
Dees
For the first week, when I was really going through detoxing, I read amazing stories of hope and recovery on this site. Keep up the faith. It will get better.
Dees
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Honestly, days 3-5 are usually the worst, esp. if you have no 'comfort meds', esp. something to put you out at night. It's usually around day 4, after so little (or no) sleep, you start to kinda feel like you might lose your friggin mind. Trust me, BEEN THERE, done that. You're not alone my friend!
However, I bet you by day 7 you'll feel like 10x better ... not perfect, mind you ... but the worst should be over around then. And you're ALMOST THERE! Don't give in now, please. You can do this thing. If I could do (and MANY others here), so can you
My advice ... embrace the suffering, the misery, the crying, the bad feelings ... because honestly the whole detox experience can be SO powerful in terms of making you see why you HAVE to stop.
Bottom-line, let's face it ... if opioid withdrawals were a cakewalk ... we'd all probably never stop.
BTW, I'm glad you're here, and keep coming back!
However, I bet you by day 7 you'll feel like 10x better ... not perfect, mind you ... but the worst should be over around then. And you're ALMOST THERE! Don't give in now, please. You can do this thing. If I could do (and MANY others here), so can you
My advice ... embrace the suffering, the misery, the crying, the bad feelings ... because honestly the whole detox experience can be SO powerful in terms of making you see why you HAVE to stop.
Bottom-line, let's face it ... if opioid withdrawals were a cakewalk ... we'd all probably never stop.
BTW, I'm glad you're here, and keep coming back!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Il
Posts: 86
5th day didnt sleep well nurse forgot my sleeping pills clonodine helps a bit but makes me real low. My whole body hurts I dont understand why.feels like a car crash tjmes 10. I fly home tomorrow but dont think I could walk to a car. I started this addiction from a failed back surgery. I have taken everything you can imagine
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
The reason your whole body hurts is that you're creating no 'natural' pain-killers (endorphins) right now. By taking opioids, you've supplanted your body's need to create it's own, and that process has shut itself down. Without this natural source, your whole body hurts ... your back in particular is likely to be very uncomfortable for a spell here.
It takes a few days after the opioids leave your system before your body kicks itself back into gear and starts making them again on it's own. And that's not the only bodily system that's out of whack, as you're also over-producing 'adrenaline', which your body has been doing while on opioids in order to keep you awake despite the big doses of CNS depressants you've been introducing. This is why you can't sleep, feel panicky, don't feel like eating, and have twitches and shaking legs and such. That system also takes a bit of time to fall back into correct operation.
I'm afraid there's no substitute for time ... although exercise does help ... as soon as you can bring yourself to do it, you should start. Even if it's just getting out and walking.
I cannot imagine dealing with an airport/flying while dopesick. I do not envy you ... best of luck with that. Don't forget to keep thinking to yourself 'this is why I CANNOT keep taking this crap anymore ... because running out means I cannot deal with normal life in any way'
It takes a few days after the opioids leave your system before your body kicks itself back into gear and starts making them again on it's own. And that's not the only bodily system that's out of whack, as you're also over-producing 'adrenaline', which your body has been doing while on opioids in order to keep you awake despite the big doses of CNS depressants you've been introducing. This is why you can't sleep, feel panicky, don't feel like eating, and have twitches and shaking legs and such. That system also takes a bit of time to fall back into correct operation.
I'm afraid there's no substitute for time ... although exercise does help ... as soon as you can bring yourself to do it, you should start. Even if it's just getting out and walking.
I cannot imagine dealing with an airport/flying while dopesick. I do not envy you ... best of luck with that. Don't forget to keep thinking to yourself 'this is why I CANNOT keep taking this crap anymore ... because running out means I cannot deal with normal life in any way'
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 34
I know it seems unbearable now, but it will get better. When I was in your shoes, I made sure to keep reminding myself that it is a small price to pay for my life back.
It seems unfair that becoming addicted is painless, and becoming clean is almost unbearable (keyword being almost, because you CAN do this).
Just keep reminding yourself that this is a one shot deal, as long as you stay clean.
You can do this, and I wish you the best! A new life with endless opportunities is right around the cornor!
yellie
It seems unfair that becoming addicted is painless, and becoming clean is almost unbearable (keyword being almost, because you CAN do this).
Just keep reminding yourself that this is a one shot deal, as long as you stay clean.
You can do this, and I wish you the best! A new life with endless opportunities is right around the cornor!
yellie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Il
Posts: 86
Today was crazy. Had rage like never before. I have never wanted to hurt so?eone so bad.it passed I was eating my forced breakfast. Weird thing was for a split second it mad me feel good and I was still alive. I am on vyvanse and less clonodine its a worlds.difference. Still feel withrawls in legs. Sweating like im being rained on took three showers. Nervous about getting on a plane. At 4 am
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Join Date: May 2011
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Today's another day but boy I would never recommend going through this in Vegas. Last night after I wrote a person in the hotel tempted me but in truth I couldnt even think about it made me sick to even think of going through this again. Honestly I was in a nice hotel in Vegas just having a smoke outside my door inside the hotel. I swear I'm a magnet to drug dealers. I feel that my nurse thought I scored because I told him what happened and he kept his eyes locked on mine. I felt weird and looked away which may have seemed like I was guilty. But the fact is I'm clean 5 days or 6 depending on how you count it.
The airport was the worst! Had to be up at 3am. Every drunk wacko was out it was a major panic attack! Way to much stimulus. Got to the airport and they were so packed i had to wait in line outside for 45 minutes for baggage claim inside was over an hour. Got to security had to sit down to many people blacked out so my wife got me some water. Got through security looking like an idiot.
So off to the gate! Would you believe it was the farthest one. Started to black out on the walk so we finally realized that the clonodine which is also a blood pressure medicine that works for withdrawals had lowered my bp way to much. Got to the gate ate some carbs and a banana and took the vyvanse to bring my bp back up it's a stimulant. Get on the plane with the most anxiety i have ever had. My ride gets better as the pilot announces that there is a lot of turbulence all the way home. The plane ride was crazy no man or woman should had to do that in my condition nuts. Next being that just about every passenger on the plane had decided to stay up all night they were all drunk and had that horrible booze breath. Nice..... Mix all this up with turbulence you can figure what happened. Lots of little bags came out....nice. Got home to snow and grey sky's. A lot of anxiety right now
The airport was the worst! Had to be up at 3am. Every drunk wacko was out it was a major panic attack! Way to much stimulus. Got to the airport and they were so packed i had to wait in line outside for 45 minutes for baggage claim inside was over an hour. Got to security had to sit down to many people blacked out so my wife got me some water. Got through security looking like an idiot.
So off to the gate! Would you believe it was the farthest one. Started to black out on the walk so we finally realized that the clonodine which is also a blood pressure medicine that works for withdrawals had lowered my bp way to much. Got to the gate ate some carbs and a banana and took the vyvanse to bring my bp back up it's a stimulant. Get on the plane with the most anxiety i have ever had. My ride gets better as the pilot announces that there is a lot of turbulence all the way home. The plane ride was crazy no man or woman should had to do that in my condition nuts. Next being that just about every passenger on the plane had decided to stay up all night they were all drunk and had that horrible booze breath. Nice..... Mix all this up with turbulence you can figure what happened. Lots of little bags came out....nice. Got home to snow and grey sky's. A lot of anxiety right now
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Il
Posts: 86
My anxiety is at it's highest. Don't want to take another Xanax. Took one on the plane. Weird cause I thought being at home watching some football by the fire was all I could have wanted. What's wrong with me? Why is it worse? I'm scared... Never been scared really 6'2" 230 pound 33 year old man. Just scared I think. Is this normal or am I turning into a whinnying baby. I know people say write everything but... Am I weak? Or gong crazy? I hate not being strong for my wife. She has been crying all weak. It's not fair she just wants me back to normal and I have told he it's not her burden to bare. And there will be time for our rehab. Our marriage is wonderful. She is my world I would die for her.
I didn't start this for kicks. And my back pain is still there the plane ride woke it up. Was doing ok until then. Sorry just realized I'm all over the place. My minds going crazy let me know your thoughts. It always helps I think I have read your messages 10 times lol
I didn't start this for kicks. And my back pain is still there the plane ride woke it up. Was doing ok until then. Sorry just realized I'm all over the place. My minds going crazy let me know your thoughts. It always helps I think I have read your messages 10 times lol
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 83
Hi Captain. I hit 14 days today, so let me tell you about the anxiety while it is still fresh in my mind: the first 10 days were horrible. I couldn't even get myself to the grocery store. I remember on Day 5 (or 6), I was going to run an errand, and I walked outside and felt like I couldn't breathe. I turned right back around and headed back into the house. I still have a bit of anxiety, but it is nothing like it was last week.
So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It will pass. I hope this helps.
Dees
So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It will pass. I hope this helps.
Dees
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Yah, I didn't wanna tell ya ahead of time that the airport/flying while dopesick was going to be the most horrific experience ever ... and it sounds like it was even worse than I'd have reckoned. Sorry dude. And don't feel bad about your 'whining' about how bad you feel. We've all been there, and we've all whined like a friggin 2 year old about it. It friggin SUCKS being dopesick ... it's depressing, painful, and generally sucky ... like nothing else you'll ever experience.
The good news is ... it DOES end, and when it's over, you'll (hopefully) look back on it as valuable learning experience
The good news is ... it DOES end, and when it's over, you'll (hopefully) look back on it as valuable learning experience
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Il
Posts: 86
Thanks for making feel a bit sane. This morning was so horrible it was almost funny my wife and looked at each other and just said go figure! Guess if there a god he's testing me to the max.
Took another Xanax even though I didn't want to but the anxiety was just to much. Understand I never abused Xanax but after this I'm afraid of any addicting drug. Even before surgery and the pills and the patches I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disordered when i was a child. I never took Xanax othernthan a panic attack or anxiety attack. Been on them since 13 and only take 30 every three months. I know the dose is not the lowest but as we know tolerance rises but it's not to bad in my mind. My detox dr told me to keep taking them as needed but should be wise about the reasons for them. Never enjoyed them like the pills. I loved how the pills kept me going know matter how bad I hurt seemed I could push through anything with them. Or if I had enough I could work till I dropped from pain and just dose it away. I miss hard work. Being in shape. But the sad part is with my back I will never get there again. Never be able to split wood, possible loose my dream my new business with offshore racing boats, all the work for my masters captains license. Down the drain.
Took another Xanax even though I didn't want to but the anxiety was just to much. Understand I never abused Xanax but after this I'm afraid of any addicting drug. Even before surgery and the pills and the patches I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disordered when i was a child. I never took Xanax othernthan a panic attack or anxiety attack. Been on them since 13 and only take 30 every three months. I know the dose is not the lowest but as we know tolerance rises but it's not to bad in my mind. My detox dr told me to keep taking them as needed but should be wise about the reasons for them. Never enjoyed them like the pills. I loved how the pills kept me going know matter how bad I hurt seemed I could push through anything with them. Or if I had enough I could work till I dropped from pain and just dose it away. I miss hard work. Being in shape. But the sad part is with my back I will never get there again. Never be able to split wood, possible loose my dream my new business with offshore racing boats, all the work for my masters captains license. Down the drain.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 67
Captain1,
I recommend reading the whole "xanax" thread started by Jenna Rose. Her story is pretty hardcore, but all of the info/advice on xanax was exactly what I needed to hear.
I've taken small amounts of xanax for about 7 yrs now & was "addicted" to opiates. When I quit the opies, I quit the xanax too. The problem is xanax is a whole different drug & w/d from it can be smooth sailing for a few days, then leave you in a psychotic breakdown 2 weeks in. Xanax is nothing to play with, it requires medical supervision to taper down. I literally thought I was going insane before I read all the side effects from quitting c/t. I called my Dr & told him I was trying to quit & was out, & he immediately called me in a refill & confirmed how dangerous it is to quit c/t. People have died from it.
I know you are on a small dose, but over many yrs, it rewires your brain circuitry, and if you keep feeling excessive anxiety, you should talk to your Dr about your dosage.
Once I got back to my "normal" dose, I immediately felt sane again. It didn't take away my craving for opiates, but at least I'm not in a straight jacket in a padded cell.
I recommend reading the whole "xanax" thread started by Jenna Rose. Her story is pretty hardcore, but all of the info/advice on xanax was exactly what I needed to hear.
I've taken small amounts of xanax for about 7 yrs now & was "addicted" to opiates. When I quit the opies, I quit the xanax too. The problem is xanax is a whole different drug & w/d from it can be smooth sailing for a few days, then leave you in a psychotic breakdown 2 weeks in. Xanax is nothing to play with, it requires medical supervision to taper down. I literally thought I was going insane before I read all the side effects from quitting c/t. I called my Dr & told him I was trying to quit & was out, & he immediately called me in a refill & confirmed how dangerous it is to quit c/t. People have died from it.
I know you are on a small dose, but over many yrs, it rewires your brain circuitry, and if you keep feeling excessive anxiety, you should talk to your Dr about your dosage.
Once I got back to my "normal" dose, I immediately felt sane again. It didn't take away my craving for opiates, but at least I'm not in a straight jacket in a padded cell.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Il
Posts: 86
I will read the thread I just have no other way of controlling it. If I do they are afraid of agorofobia. As youncan imagine on opiates at first I was out and about but soon I was stuck in my house for 8 months other than pharmacy trips. No work cause of back injury. I also take lexapro for it as well. The anxiety panick was controlled before opiates. If you figure the math my refills I'm only getting 10 pills a month with normally some left with extra refills I don't end up getting because the refill expires. Not trying to make excuses just fully informing everyone because I want a clean life back. Heck I even stopped drinking 4 years ago cause the anxiety it brought on the next wasn't worth it. If it something that can be removed and my life is livable it's gone. Tired of pill bottles. Again thank you all so much for your support it really does make a difference.
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