tgif

I haven't had any percocet or xanax in a few days now. I've been spending a lot of time in the chat room here. Playing with my kid, dogs. Reading news like crazy, listening to music. But my mind won't get off of the thought of just taking ONE pill. I wasn't badly addicted, just saw what could come, i've been to the bottom in the past and i avoid that at all costs. I try to stop myself from going that far but always end up back wanting SOMETHING. Anything to make me feel good.

I am tired, my days seem to be blurring into one because i can't sleep well. I was drinking nyquil, then someone mentioned it has alcohol in which i totally forgot and so i didn't drink any last night and was awake most of the night. At about 4 a.m i was sat on the bed fighting the urge to grab a xanax. I keep telling myself it is just mental, just fight it.

I know some will say just get rid of the pills but i can't. They're not even mine. I could ask for them to be hidden but i know it would just make me want to find them. I have to learn to live with them hanging around. Right now, i am tired and wanting the slight rush i get from taking percocet, enough to make me want to get up and clean or exercise. i just feel blah. and i am wondering why i am doing this, my issue wasn't that bad yet, i'm quitting drinking so i keep telling myself that xanax here and there isn't bad. I'm so confused. I don't even know why i am posting this, just trying to keep my mind occupied i guess.

Thanks.

Impurrfect

(((tgif))) -what helped me when I realized I just wanted "one" of something, is thinking it through - one was never enough, at least not for very long, and then I just had to start all over again at getting clean.

The not sleeping is part of the withdrawal and though it sucks, it usually gets better. Your brain is used to having chemicals telling it when to "feel good" and now that the chemicals aren't there, well it takes the brain a while to start making it's own chemicals again.

Maybe instead of thinking "one more pill" you can think "one more day"? I gave myself 6 months when I chose recovery - if I wasn't feeling better, well dope was everywhere. It didn't take me 6 months to realize I wanted no part of that any more. And yes, there were days I just had to decide "won't use today, tomorrow I'll reassess and make the decision then". All those one days have grown to almost 5 years..you can do this.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

lostgirl25

tgif - your addicted brain is working on you. You can do this. Hang on and soon this will pass. Keeping busy is good but just taking one xanax will prolong the healing that has to take place. Read and check out the many threads on here that may help you. You only have to go through this once. I'm praying for you to stay strong and determined. It is worth it. The cravings passed much easier for me when no pills were available and no access was possible. One day at a time.

tgif

Thank you both. I am definitely taking this as one day at a time. I am doing okay so far today, it's later in the day that the craving seems worse.

I am not looking forward to the weekend. We have plans with friends and i usually medicate before anything involving being out and socializing. I am already trying to come up with an excuse to cancel on them but we have cancelled the last two times.

I was close to giving in earlier when i tried to nap but i just got up, washed and exfoliated my face and made coffee and i feel a little better now. My son is keeping me occupied as well as the Chat room here.

Thank you for your replies!