SaraMichelle

I've been trying to block it out all day. I would have had 6 months clean and sober today and i relaped yesterday.it's the first time in my life I refrained from any and all mind altering substance, and i have been very proud of myself, i have never felt as proud of myself as i have the last 6 months. I dont know why i relapsed, I decided i was gong to use and that was it. I dont know what happened. I'm so ashamed to tell my mom and to go to a meeting. I'm really upset and i dont know what to do I never thought i would ever use again, i thought i was over it. maybe i have underestimated my disease

PreciousThings

Hey SaraMichelle...
Don't be ashamed. From what I've heard, a relapse is part of recovery. You've realized what you did was a bad decision. So nip it in the bud right now. Move past it and do not use again! You can beat this!! But don't beat yourself up. Just commit yourself to not touch again.
Keep posting if you need to chat!
Kelly

PreciousThings

BTW- Yes, you have a disease.... we all do. We may be on our way to a full recovery, but the disease remains. I don't believe we will every be cured. We can't use...period...ever again.

bval

That's a bummer, but honestly, my advice to you is to NOT DO THE WORST POSSIBLE THING, which is to let this spiral into the full-blown suffering that is sure to result if you continue partying because of this slip. Get BACK to a meeting as soon as you can ... trust me, nobody is gonna judge you there ... VERY few people 'get it right' the first time. Trust me, I just had to go crawling back this last week ... and I had over 3 years until 1.5 years ago ... and I did THE WRONG THING (lots of them, really) after my relapse ... by failing to get back into the rooms.

Don't do what I did, or you'll regret it later ... TRUST ME. I'm at 3 days right now, after having had 3 years before. It doesn't feel great ... but it's better than the alternative.

Dee74

Sorry to hear about both you guys - but b's advice is spot on SaraMichelle - reach out, find that support, don't let your pride or your shame run the show - do whatever you have to in order to get your recovery back on track.

welcome back to you bval

D

Dee74

Double.

neferkamichael

[QUOTE=PreciousThings;3234839]Hey SaraMichelle...
Don't be ashamed. From what I've heard, a relapse is part of recovery. You've realized what you did was a bad decision. So nip it in the bud right now. Move past it and do not use again! You can beat this!! But don't beat yourself up. Just commit yourself to not touch again.
Keep posting if you need to chat!

SaraMichelle, PreciousThings said it precisely, no shame and get going back in the right direction. On the 10th I'll have 1 year 6 months sobriety, and on the 11th I'll be 4 months off crack. For the year and 2 months I keep using crack I lived in dreaded fear of drinking. I go to AA regularly, and I hang on Sr.com as much as possible. The fact that you created this thread is proof your gonna make it. I know everybody here is praying for you, and I'm sure you will be welcomed back to the meetings. Have a good day.

totfit

You used. You have not relapsed yet. This is a slip. If you continue to use and get back into your old patterns, then you have relapsed. A slip can be a learning experience. Relapse can be hell. Nip it in the bud and learn from it and you will be ok.

IvanKatz

Don't allow your lapse to be your downfall!
If I may, the next time you feel the urge... Look your child in the eyes and ask yourself if you're ready to let him down.

struggles79

Try not to beat yourself up over it. You are human, things happen. It doesn't change the fact that you were clean for 6 months which is a huge achievement. One of the ironic things about relapsing is the activity or substance we refrain from and we relapse we end up feeling ashamed and guilty and we beat ourselves up which is just setting ourselves up for a full blown relapse. You had a slip, it's in the past. Learn from it and move on. Don't give yourself the excuse of "well I already relapsed I might as well enjoy myself". Don't do it! Trust me you'd just be setting yourself up. Just move on and learn from it and be kind to yourself. Good luck.

look4billw

I suggest that when you go to this meeting you pick up that 24 HR chip and start fresh. We can't afford to live in the could have, should have, would have world. SaraMichelle, sometimes our self will plays tricks on us, and we forget, for long enough, what it was that drove us away from our addiction in the first place. The compulsion to use has a death grip on us, we must be forever vigilant . We gather the strength that we relied on prior to our slip, and use all the tools available to us to move forward this time. Revisiting the first three steps, and shoring up your foundation is always a good start.

SaraMichelle

thank you all for the support, i really needed it! I called my sponser (who i hadnt called in over a month, perhaps a clue?) and i went to a meeting this morning and took my 24 hour chip again. I started talking with the girl next to me, as she is coming up on 6 months and was really feeling the urge to use, she thanked me for being there and said that i may have helped her past this.....I drove away from the meeting feeling ok with myself and my "slip" the last 6 months have left me with enough clairity of mind not to call up the connect and go back out. And yes IVANKATS it is my son and my fear of losing him that lead me to sobriety! the last 6 months with him has been the best of my life and Im not willing to give that freedom up!

IvanKatz

I'm so very proud of you! You see, I was never blessed with a child but I was blessed with a tremendous wife. She is my world and my life.