IAmAbstinent

So one of my rolemodels was speaking about how his friends use speed to get laid. The person in question doesnt take any substances and the whole video was actually saying why he DOESNT use any substances but still he would go on to say- my friends use because of x, y, z benefits it gives them.

I hadn't really been glamorizing my use or thinking about it much at all since until last night when I watched the vid.

After watching I started thinking 'f' ye thats what I took it for, what a great feeling!'

Anyhow I went out soon after and it was on my mind for quite a bit of the night. 'Remember that feeling of dopamine coursing through your veins remember how good that felt!' said the little voice on my shoulder .

Anyhow I soon got on with my night and forgot about it but that was quite a craving for a bit. I then tried to recall how bad I felt after which took some effort at 1st.

As I said the best thing I found was just to get on with my night and it subsided. A couple hours had gone by and I hadn't thought about it and I'd forgotten I'd been thinking about it.

Anyone else relate?

I think it's ok to accept that these little 'teasers' are gonna come around from time to time and just letting them run their course and flow away again buddhist style.

Other thoughts I've been having are things like 'how am I going to enjoy myself if I NEVER take drugs again?' but logically I know full well I barely had any fun when on them anyhow. A couple of hours followed by days of misery.