Almost off the oxy...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
Almost off the oxy...
Hi there,
This is my first time posting on a forum; I started off using Vicodins to go to sleep 2 summers ago, I didn't realize how much it would hit me after my supply was gone. I was never aware of prescription drug abuse or how powerful these drugs are so when I felt like a stranger in my own body because of the withdrawals, I asked around and found out how easy it was to get a hold of anything. I also realized so many ppl abuse meds, I was just blind to it all because I never dabbled with it. Around the same time, I started dating my boyfriend who did pills but we never did them together and I never asked him how much he did either.
Anyhow, I found a percocets connect, I was doing a few 10mg pills a day, just to get the edge off and it was helping me fall asleep. Little by little the pills were starting to take over my life; I was scheduling my life around it. Long story short, the percocets hit a dry spell and I was introduced to oxy 30mgs. The first time I did half and it hit me hard, but my tolerance level went up and before I knew it I was doing 6-8 blue 30mgs a day.
My boyfriend was a full blown pill head, as was I but I was good at hiding it- I worked 2 jobs, my friends didn't suspect anything, but I could feel my insides wasting away. I also realized through my addiction that my boyfriend was a lot worse than I had ever thought. All his strange behaviors made sense to me and I told him that this all had to stop or else we were both going to be screwed. I couldn't support myself and give him money anymore.
I made a decision to move across the world to get away from this after realizing my boyfriend won't change, at least not soon enough. I wasn't going to stick around because I knew I'd get sucked back into being with him so I had to go far away.
I have been in Japan since September and have been seeing a pain management doctor who has been working with me to wean me off of this once and for all. He started me off with 20mgs four times a day(80mg)and now I'm down to 5 mg twice a day, 10mg before bed(20mg total). Last week I ran out of the pills 2 days before my appointment and I thought I was going to go insane. Never in my life have I been so uncomfortable, can't sleep, stomach was effed up, it was HELL. I thought me being on low dosages would prevent me from going into major w/d but I was wrong.
I'm just frustrated with myself because I'm still on these things and i never thought I'd have to throw away my whole life to kick this. And I haven't kicked it yet...that's the pathetic part. I can't wait to feel again, laugh again, and have my life back, never having to look back at this chapter. I feel like I'm almost there but it's hard. Anyone else been on the same boat?
This is my first time posting on a forum; I started off using Vicodins to go to sleep 2 summers ago, I didn't realize how much it would hit me after my supply was gone. I was never aware of prescription drug abuse or how powerful these drugs are so when I felt like a stranger in my own body because of the withdrawals, I asked around and found out how easy it was to get a hold of anything. I also realized so many ppl abuse meds, I was just blind to it all because I never dabbled with it. Around the same time, I started dating my boyfriend who did pills but we never did them together and I never asked him how much he did either.
Anyhow, I found a percocets connect, I was doing a few 10mg pills a day, just to get the edge off and it was helping me fall asleep. Little by little the pills were starting to take over my life; I was scheduling my life around it. Long story short, the percocets hit a dry spell and I was introduced to oxy 30mgs. The first time I did half and it hit me hard, but my tolerance level went up and before I knew it I was doing 6-8 blue 30mgs a day.
My boyfriend was a full blown pill head, as was I but I was good at hiding it- I worked 2 jobs, my friends didn't suspect anything, but I could feel my insides wasting away. I also realized through my addiction that my boyfriend was a lot worse than I had ever thought. All his strange behaviors made sense to me and I told him that this all had to stop or else we were both going to be screwed. I couldn't support myself and give him money anymore.
I made a decision to move across the world to get away from this after realizing my boyfriend won't change, at least not soon enough. I wasn't going to stick around because I knew I'd get sucked back into being with him so I had to go far away.
I have been in Japan since September and have been seeing a pain management doctor who has been working with me to wean me off of this once and for all. He started me off with 20mgs four times a day(80mg)and now I'm down to 5 mg twice a day, 10mg before bed(20mg total). Last week I ran out of the pills 2 days before my appointment and I thought I was going to go insane. Never in my life have I been so uncomfortable, can't sleep, stomach was effed up, it was HELL. I thought me being on low dosages would prevent me from going into major w/d but I was wrong.
I'm just frustrated with myself because I'm still on these things and i never thought I'd have to throw away my whole life to kick this. And I haven't kicked it yet...that's the pathetic part. I can't wait to feel again, laugh again, and have my life back, never having to look back at this chapter. I feel like I'm almost there but it's hard. Anyone else been on the same boat?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 683
Welcome to SR! Let me be the first to welcome you. Let me also be the first to tell you that the first thing you should do is speak with a Doctor. We can't give you any medical advice *BUT* we can give you insight to our experiences.
I am a chronic pain patient who has been taking the meds you mentioned for years. Problem is, like you, it took over my life. When I'm taking my meds, I am superman! I can do what most everyone else can do despite my medical condition. But then as you say, your entire life revolves around the medication... My Problem is I always take more than I should and run out. Then life is pure hell. Because I've used so long. My meds only work for about a week and then I need more and more... Sound familiar?
I stopped taking my meds last week and went through a seriously rough patch of detox until I came straight with my doctor. My doctor has been working with me on this and it was his help that got me through the W/D. I'm day 7 today and feel better than I have in a LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up refreshed, and as I sit here and type - no feelings of W/D.
You have a difficult road ahead of you but it can certainly be done my dear!
We are here for you as much as you need us. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!
I am a chronic pain patient who has been taking the meds you mentioned for years. Problem is, like you, it took over my life. When I'm taking my meds, I am superman! I can do what most everyone else can do despite my medical condition. But then as you say, your entire life revolves around the medication... My Problem is I always take more than I should and run out. Then life is pure hell. Because I've used so long. My meds only work for about a week and then I need more and more... Sound familiar?
I stopped taking my meds last week and went through a seriously rough patch of detox until I came straight with my doctor. My doctor has been working with me on this and it was his help that got me through the W/D. I'm day 7 today and feel better than I have in a LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up refreshed, and as I sit here and type - no feelings of W/D.
You have a difficult road ahead of you but it can certainly be done my dear!
We are here for you as much as you need us. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
Hi there,
How did your doctor help you with your withdrawals? Mine has been helping me taper down and he is in no rush whatsoever to get me completely off them. I just feel like the longer I'm on these, it's doing harm to my body. At the worst point I had lost a ton of weight- I've gained it back since I've taken time off from everything but all I want is my life back. I miss my friends dearly and I wish I could have been more open about my addiction back then. My ego/pride stood in the way, obviously.
I supported my boyfriend and got him pills before I got hooked myself and I took him to a Suboxone center in the city. He got a week's worth of strips but went back to popping pills as soon as we got home from the clinic. Suboxone doesn't exist in Japan and it's WAY harder to get any kind of prescription here (they didn't give me anything when I had kidney stones, I thought I was going to die). The only reason why I get anything is because I already was an existig oxy user. I miss my boyfriend also; it's sad what drugs do to people, he chose them over me and it slowly took over my existence too.
I'm sure my situation is a walk in the park compared to other ppl's- I hope I can stay strong till my next appointment on Wed.
How did your doctor help you with your withdrawals? Mine has been helping me taper down and he is in no rush whatsoever to get me completely off them. I just feel like the longer I'm on these, it's doing harm to my body. At the worst point I had lost a ton of weight- I've gained it back since I've taken time off from everything but all I want is my life back. I miss my friends dearly and I wish I could have been more open about my addiction back then. My ego/pride stood in the way, obviously.
I supported my boyfriend and got him pills before I got hooked myself and I took him to a Suboxone center in the city. He got a week's worth of strips but went back to popping pills as soon as we got home from the clinic. Suboxone doesn't exist in Japan and it's WAY harder to get any kind of prescription here (they didn't give me anything when I had kidney stones, I thought I was going to die). The only reason why I get anything is because I already was an existig oxy user. I miss my boyfriend also; it's sad what drugs do to people, he chose them over me and it slowly took over my existence too.
I'm sure my situation is a walk in the park compared to other ppl's- I hope I can stay strong till my next appointment on Wed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 683
Hi Brooklyn,
My doctor gave me something for anxiety and sleep. No subs, nothing else.
While I have never taken subs, I understand that it is just as had to W/D, if not harder, than oxy. It seems as if your boyfriend isn't prepared to quit. I can tell you what too. If you are in Japan, I understand the drug laws are pretty darned harsh there. If he gets busted using illegally, he's pretty much screwed!
It sounds like you really want it. You see, that is the best medication out there - the DESIRE to QUIT!!!!!!!
My doctor gave me something for anxiety and sleep. No subs, nothing else.
While I have never taken subs, I understand that it is just as had to W/D, if not harder, than oxy. It seems as if your boyfriend isn't prepared to quit. I can tell you what too. If you are in Japan, I understand the drug laws are pretty darned harsh there. If he gets busted using illegally, he's pretty much screwed!
It sounds like you really want it. You see, that is the best medication out there - the DESIRE to QUIT!!!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
Yes, I want to be done with this so badly. If I knew how much this was going to interfere with my well being, I would have never swallowed a pill. In hindsight I think moving back to Japan was better since it's impossible to get any pills/drugs in general. My boyfriend still remains in the US, I left him and life over there because I couldn't keep up looking at my watch to see if enough time had passed for me to take a pill. I also couldn't support my boyfriend financially or emotionally. It hurts to see someone you love fade away.
I realize how lonely this addiction is. I'm sad and I've never felt more alone in my life. It's gotten harder as the taper gotten less and less. My next appointment is Wednesday and I've got 10mg left, I'm tempted to go cold turkey since so many of you have gone that route. It was pure hell last week when I ran out...I have 2 doses of ambien so hopefully that'll help me. I really want to be done with this...I truly cannot believe a pill has taken control over my life. I'm paying the price for it now. It's very sad. I can't wait to feel normal again, I don't want to take my health for granted. Thanks for the encouragement!!
I realize how lonely this addiction is. I'm sad and I've never felt more alone in my life. It's gotten harder as the taper gotten less and less. My next appointment is Wednesday and I've got 10mg left, I'm tempted to go cold turkey since so many of you have gone that route. It was pure hell last week when I ran out...I have 2 doses of ambien so hopefully that'll help me. I really want to be done with this...I truly cannot believe a pill has taken control over my life. I'm paying the price for it now. It's very sad. I can't wait to feel normal again, I don't want to take my health for granted. Thanks for the encouragement!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Brooklyn, funny you are in Japan, I am in china! I also came overseas to get away from the pills, all to find them again within weeks of arriving. The taper stuff never worked for me, ended up running out way before my next refill and continued that for a while. Always had an excuse as to why I couldn't quit just yet or would at a later date. Finally I ran out and couldn't get more, withdrawals hit and I pushed through. I am 50 days clean now from pills!! I say go cold turkey and push through! You have to be ready though. I still battle daily. Keep posting
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Brooklyn11211,
I, too, had doctors try to taper me off oxycodone in 2010. Over and over again, I would get down to right about your current dose, only to be overcome by the very withdrawals I thought I was avoiding. This slow torture over months succeeded only in driving my doses up higher and higher after each failed "taper". I finally ended up doing a rapid "taper" over 3-4 days in December 2010, and have been free of oxys since 12/15/10.
The way I view it, you have two choices -- jump off CT from the low dose you are at now, and "suffer" for about 2 weeks -- or, continue using and trying to taper off. Option one will get you clean and on your way to getting your life back. Option two will buy you more of the same torture you have been enduring the past few months. I chose option one.
Even if suboxone were available to you, you may or may not find it a good idea. If you read the suboxone threads here, you will find more people than not who are in misery from trying to quit suboxone. But those are only the people who post their misery here. There may be a whole bunch of satisfied suboxone users we never hear from on a forum like this one.
If you choose to jump off now, it will take a few weeks before you feel very happy about it. But after suffering through the detox phase of the first couple of weeks, you will see improvement week by week that seems very slow, because you will continue to feel very lethargic, sleepless, restless body/restless legs, and depressed (a lot of us anyway). But that is a small price to pay for the rest of your life, free from this horrible poison. My initial use started off innocently enough, like yours did, and by the time I realized it, I was in hell. I became sick of pill counting, doctor visits, and dope-sick pharmacy waits, and never felt good EVER by the time I'd had enough and just quit the drug myself, without the doctors' "help". I don't know whether it has occurred to you that you were at a fatal dose at your peak dosage -- I mean, if you had not built a tolerance for a drug level that high, the dose would kill a person who had never taken the drug before.
You are actually in a very good position. You have successfully tapered down to a very low dose. There is no such thing as stopping this drug without the withdrawal phase, at least not entirely. At some point, you have to jump off, and it makes no sense that your body will not notice.
My heart is with you. I know exactly how you are feeling. It is horrible, lonely, and gut wrenching -- literally. At a year away from where you are now, I can tell you for sure that you will feel normal and happy again. You may still need something later on for depression, for sleep, or whatever caused you to start taking opiates. But there are better drugs for those things than opiates, which only appear to be the "answer" at first, and for such a brief time. Now you know why opiates are not used for anything and everything that ails you, despite the early belief that it is so.
Good luck.
FT
I, too, had doctors try to taper me off oxycodone in 2010. Over and over again, I would get down to right about your current dose, only to be overcome by the very withdrawals I thought I was avoiding. This slow torture over months succeeded only in driving my doses up higher and higher after each failed "taper". I finally ended up doing a rapid "taper" over 3-4 days in December 2010, and have been free of oxys since 12/15/10.
The way I view it, you have two choices -- jump off CT from the low dose you are at now, and "suffer" for about 2 weeks -- or, continue using and trying to taper off. Option one will get you clean and on your way to getting your life back. Option two will buy you more of the same torture you have been enduring the past few months. I chose option one.
Even if suboxone were available to you, you may or may not find it a good idea. If you read the suboxone threads here, you will find more people than not who are in misery from trying to quit suboxone. But those are only the people who post their misery here. There may be a whole bunch of satisfied suboxone users we never hear from on a forum like this one.
If you choose to jump off now, it will take a few weeks before you feel very happy about it. But after suffering through the detox phase of the first couple of weeks, you will see improvement week by week that seems very slow, because you will continue to feel very lethargic, sleepless, restless body/restless legs, and depressed (a lot of us anyway). But that is a small price to pay for the rest of your life, free from this horrible poison. My initial use started off innocently enough, like yours did, and by the time I realized it, I was in hell. I became sick of pill counting, doctor visits, and dope-sick pharmacy waits, and never felt good EVER by the time I'd had enough and just quit the drug myself, without the doctors' "help". I don't know whether it has occurred to you that you were at a fatal dose at your peak dosage -- I mean, if you had not built a tolerance for a drug level that high, the dose would kill a person who had never taken the drug before.
You are actually in a very good position. You have successfully tapered down to a very low dose. There is no such thing as stopping this drug without the withdrawal phase, at least not entirely. At some point, you have to jump off, and it makes no sense that your body will not notice.
My heart is with you. I know exactly how you are feeling. It is horrible, lonely, and gut wrenching -- literally. At a year away from where you are now, I can tell you for sure that you will feel normal and happy again. You may still need something later on for depression, for sleep, or whatever caused you to start taking opiates. But there are better drugs for those things than opiates, which only appear to be the "answer" at first, and for such a brief time. Now you know why opiates are not used for anything and everything that ails you, despite the early belief that it is so.
Good luck.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
Wow, congratulations on your being clean! I can't believe you moved to China and found pills...I thought it would be close to impossible over there but I guess if you really want to, you will find them. I think you're right, cold turkey is the way to go cuz this taper thing just drags on for too long, I don't know where all the time has gone, I'm still 29 and have a whole life ahead of me. What are you doing now that you're off the pills? Bein off them sounds so good, very inspiring. My body is starting to go into that phase where my back hurts and just feeling just ****** in general. I'm ashamed that it's the second week in a row that I run out of pills, it's never happened to me since I started the taper. Maybe it's all just a sign to quit it once and for all. Thanks for sharing
It def helps and helps me see the light.
It def helps and helps me see the light.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
FT,
Thank you for sharing, your words has made me feel more comfort than I had before. It's important to be realistic with things like this, and I appreciate you for not sugar coating anything but add the positive note that I need. I'm feeling pretty ****** right now, I know I'm gonna go through w/d no matter how much I'd like to avoid it. The sleepless thing is what kills me the most- there are things that add to it like the back pain, legs feeling like they're about to fall off, chills. I don't understand why a taper that seemed to be going well for the most part is not working out all of a sudden. I've wanted to be done with this for so long, every week I tell my doctor I can go down just a tad more and never ran out of pills, but now I'm like a totally different beast.
I congratulate you for being clean for over a year now- I can't wait to be able to tell people my final date. I miss my old self, I used to want to do everything, now it's all just clouded and lonely. I spend so much time freaking out over feeling like ****, when I think about it, it's insane. My mind wanders off into scary places when I'm sick, all I think about is somehow getting a fix so I can feel better but I know that'll just bring me back to square one.
I'm going to try to pull through and trust that I will get myself back again. It's overwhelming to hear that it will take weeks but that's what I get for treating my body like an *******. The high off of pills isn't truly real, there's always a price to pay, I've realized. Thank you again for taking time to share- I'm really glad I started this forum. I will get through this, and it's not gonna kill me. Take care now
Thank you for sharing, your words has made me feel more comfort than I had before. It's important to be realistic with things like this, and I appreciate you for not sugar coating anything but add the positive note that I need. I'm feeling pretty ****** right now, I know I'm gonna go through w/d no matter how much I'd like to avoid it. The sleepless thing is what kills me the most- there are things that add to it like the back pain, legs feeling like they're about to fall off, chills. I don't understand why a taper that seemed to be going well for the most part is not working out all of a sudden. I've wanted to be done with this for so long, every week I tell my doctor I can go down just a tad more and never ran out of pills, but now I'm like a totally different beast.
I congratulate you for being clean for over a year now- I can't wait to be able to tell people my final date. I miss my old self, I used to want to do everything, now it's all just clouded and lonely. I spend so much time freaking out over feeling like ****, when I think about it, it's insane. My mind wanders off into scary places when I'm sick, all I think about is somehow getting a fix so I can feel better but I know that'll just bring me back to square one.
I'm going to try to pull through and trust that I will get myself back again. It's overwhelming to hear that it will take weeks but that's what I get for treating my body like an *******. The high off of pills isn't truly real, there's always a price to pay, I've realized. Thank you again for taking time to share- I'm really glad I started this forum. I will get through this, and it's not gonna kill me. Take care now
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Brooklyn11211,
If you go CT, only the first 3-4 days are as bad as you are already doing now. You will have stomach cramps, bowel issues, nausea, insomnia, crazy racing thoughts, extreme lethargy, difficulty eating, hot/cold sweats, more insomnia, more crazy racing thoughts, depression, anxiety. It the midst of all that, if you had ANY pills laying around, you would take them. So this plan requires NO ACCESS whatsoever! And don't do it alone -- tell someone who care about your staying clean, someone you can talk to when you feel you will cave and use again. These last two parts are essential to success -- NO ACCESS and DON'T DO THIS ALONE. I did it alone, and I succeeded, but after the first few days, I told my husband what I was doing and got his support AFTER he stopped being so PO'd at me I thought THAT would kill me -- ha!
After the first 3-4 days, you will start to feel better. You'll be able to eat (soup, yogurt, LOTS of fluids) and may be able to move around more. Try to not have to work the first week at least, two is better. You won't be able to do much of anything, if nothing else from lack of sleep. Over the next few weeks, you gradually start having more "good days". A few backslides into where you think you are getting worse, but then more better days. At a month out, you will be quite functional if not "happy". It took about 3 months before I felt anywhere near "happy", but I was very glad I had quit pretty early on, if nothing else to have escaped the pill counting and being chained to doctor visits and pharmacies.
It just takes time. It is really necessary to do some bad days of detox to get to the fantastic days of freedom from pills again. You WILL feel good again, I promise.
I often tell people here to "embrace" their detox, even the crappy withdrawals. Because feeling crappy means you are successfully detoxing, a necessary part of getting off pills.
Don't despair! You CAN do this. You really can. I don't sugar coat things, because I don't want people at just a few days out to feel blindsided that they did not know what was going to happen, and be unprepared. Be prepared to feel horrible. Since your dose is so low, you may sail through this. Just prepare for the worst. It would be fantastic if you feel better than most do going through this. You have your age and your health on your side. I'm pretty old and have bad osteoarthritis, and I still managed to get free of opiates. You can, too.
FT
If you go CT, only the first 3-4 days are as bad as you are already doing now. You will have stomach cramps, bowel issues, nausea, insomnia, crazy racing thoughts, extreme lethargy, difficulty eating, hot/cold sweats, more insomnia, more crazy racing thoughts, depression, anxiety. It the midst of all that, if you had ANY pills laying around, you would take them. So this plan requires NO ACCESS whatsoever! And don't do it alone -- tell someone who care about your staying clean, someone you can talk to when you feel you will cave and use again. These last two parts are essential to success -- NO ACCESS and DON'T DO THIS ALONE. I did it alone, and I succeeded, but after the first few days, I told my husband what I was doing and got his support AFTER he stopped being so PO'd at me I thought THAT would kill me -- ha!
After the first 3-4 days, you will start to feel better. You'll be able to eat (soup, yogurt, LOTS of fluids) and may be able to move around more. Try to not have to work the first week at least, two is better. You won't be able to do much of anything, if nothing else from lack of sleep. Over the next few weeks, you gradually start having more "good days". A few backslides into where you think you are getting worse, but then more better days. At a month out, you will be quite functional if not "happy". It took about 3 months before I felt anywhere near "happy", but I was very glad I had quit pretty early on, if nothing else to have escaped the pill counting and being chained to doctor visits and pharmacies.
It just takes time. It is really necessary to do some bad days of detox to get to the fantastic days of freedom from pills again. You WILL feel good again, I promise.
I often tell people here to "embrace" their detox, even the crappy withdrawals. Because feeling crappy means you are successfully detoxing, a necessary part of getting off pills.
Don't despair! You CAN do this. You really can. I don't sugar coat things, because I don't want people at just a few days out to feel blindsided that they did not know what was going to happen, and be unprepared. Be prepared to feel horrible. Since your dose is so low, you may sail through this. Just prepare for the worst. It would be fantastic if you feel better than most do going through this. You have your age and your health on your side. I'm pretty old and have bad osteoarthritis, and I still managed to get free of opiates. You can, too.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
FT, thank you so much! It really means a lot that you're taking the time to reply to my posts.
I have zero access to pills so I'm good (or screwed, it's a blessing in disguise is what I'm trying to see it as) on that but I don't have support close by. I left a life I had built over the past 10 years to get away from the addiction I developed over the past 2 years; I came to Japan because this is where my blood relatives are but I am not close to them. Culturally, it's all about guilt, shame, and blaming yourself. I tried to find comfort in my mother but she made me feel so low, I figured I'm on my own afterwards. My friends back in NY support me but it's just not the same since they're so far. I look forward to being close to them again, I know I have to kick this before I can do go forth with finding my happiness. I want to get sober so I can be myself again, the person that everyone else that has met me knows. I don't want to hide behind anything, especially pills anymore. Feeling numb prolongs living life and I really have to deal with the real pain.
You're lucky you have your husband by you...I wish I had my boyfriend by me, but him being an addict also wouldn't have helped. I had to move across the world to be away from him and pills. It's hard because when you're alone, you look back on the good stuff and rationalize that it was good when it really wasn't.
I hope I can get some sleep tonight; I'm already feeling the stomach turning and my lower back is feeling so heavy. My ankles feel like falling off too so I may soak them before I lay down for the night. I'm scared for it to kick in full force but like you said, the taper only adds more time to what I've already been dreading with this whole detox thing.
There was a thing in the states called RDD (rapid drug detox) that my BF wanted to do; it was in Michigan, a private clinic where they supposedly put you under and by the time you wake up, the opiods are cleaned out of your system. It cost around $8000.00 and claimed it was a 3 day program. I don't know anyone that have detoxed that way, most ppl who are clean now have gone to rehab or done CT. In Japan we have national health insurance so this taper hasnt been costing me much, but I wish this country was more advanced in detox/opiod help so I don't feel so left in the dark or ashamed.
Sorry to have gone off on a tangent, I'm just getting scared. I'll keep posting. Thanks again for all your insight, I'm glad I signed onto this
I have zero access to pills so I'm good (or screwed, it's a blessing in disguise is what I'm trying to see it as) on that but I don't have support close by. I left a life I had built over the past 10 years to get away from the addiction I developed over the past 2 years; I came to Japan because this is where my blood relatives are but I am not close to them. Culturally, it's all about guilt, shame, and blaming yourself. I tried to find comfort in my mother but she made me feel so low, I figured I'm on my own afterwards. My friends back in NY support me but it's just not the same since they're so far. I look forward to being close to them again, I know I have to kick this before I can do go forth with finding my happiness. I want to get sober so I can be myself again, the person that everyone else that has met me knows. I don't want to hide behind anything, especially pills anymore. Feeling numb prolongs living life and I really have to deal with the real pain.
You're lucky you have your husband by you...I wish I had my boyfriend by me, but him being an addict also wouldn't have helped. I had to move across the world to be away from him and pills. It's hard because when you're alone, you look back on the good stuff and rationalize that it was good when it really wasn't.
I hope I can get some sleep tonight; I'm already feeling the stomach turning and my lower back is feeling so heavy. My ankles feel like falling off too so I may soak them before I lay down for the night. I'm scared for it to kick in full force but like you said, the taper only adds more time to what I've already been dreading with this whole detox thing.
There was a thing in the states called RDD (rapid drug detox) that my BF wanted to do; it was in Michigan, a private clinic where they supposedly put you under and by the time you wake up, the opiods are cleaned out of your system. It cost around $8000.00 and claimed it was a 3 day program. I don't know anyone that have detoxed that way, most ppl who are clean now have gone to rehab or done CT. In Japan we have national health insurance so this taper hasnt been costing me much, but I wish this country was more advanced in detox/opiod help so I don't feel so left in the dark or ashamed.
Sorry to have gone off on a tangent, I'm just getting scared. I'll keep posting. Thanks again for all your insight, I'm glad I signed onto this
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi again,
That RDD you described only does what you can do all by yourself by not taking pills for 3-4 days. It does nothing for keeping people OFF pills. I even looked into it too, and looking back now, I'm glad I couldn't afford to do it.
It's hard to "look forward" to feeling sick for a few days. Like recovering from any major illness, or even surgery, you have to give your body time to heal. Opiates do a lot of damage to our resilience, on many levels -- mind and body. You are left feeling empty, as though something terrible is "missing" That's the nature of opiate addiction, which makes you want more and more of what is killing you.
You are young and healthy. That is your advantage here. Being alone in a culture that does not approve of your activities and does not sympathize with your misery must be difficult. You will be very proud of yourself when you are done with this. As well you should be. You can hold your head up and know that you are a strong and capable woman. I hope when you go back to NY you can resist returning to opiate use. After having gone through this, it is easy to forget how bad opiates were. But they are bad.
Use this experience to grow and move past, and you can take this new found strength of yours with you wherever you go.
Post here. People will help you. I will help you. I'm gone a lot during the week as a university student, so I may not answer quickly, but I will answer.
You are doing something very worthwhile, and soon you will reap the benefits of the hard work you are doing right now.
FT
That RDD you described only does what you can do all by yourself by not taking pills for 3-4 days. It does nothing for keeping people OFF pills. I even looked into it too, and looking back now, I'm glad I couldn't afford to do it.
It's hard to "look forward" to feeling sick for a few days. Like recovering from any major illness, or even surgery, you have to give your body time to heal. Opiates do a lot of damage to our resilience, on many levels -- mind and body. You are left feeling empty, as though something terrible is "missing" That's the nature of opiate addiction, which makes you want more and more of what is killing you.
You are young and healthy. That is your advantage here. Being alone in a culture that does not approve of your activities and does not sympathize with your misery must be difficult. You will be very proud of yourself when you are done with this. As well you should be. You can hold your head up and know that you are a strong and capable woman. I hope when you go back to NY you can resist returning to opiate use. After having gone through this, it is easy to forget how bad opiates were. But they are bad.
Use this experience to grow and move past, and you can take this new found strength of yours with you wherever you go.
Post here. People will help you. I will help you. I'm gone a lot during the week as a university student, so I may not answer quickly, but I will answer.
You are doing something very worthwhile, and soon you will reap the benefits of the hard work you are doing right now.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
I'm going into bed now, hopefully I will be able to get a full night's rest because I have a feeling this may be my last if so. I wish I had some Xanax but last time I was using them, the WD from running out of them were terrible as well. It lasted a few days, similar symptoms as the oxy WDs. I want to be pill free, and here is to day 1. I will keep posting...and FT, thank you for keeping it real. I don't even know you but you're amazig.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 683
Sleep good Brooklyn, we will all be here for you when you wake up. Please let us know your progress. Yes, I know it won't feel like progress but it is! I know, I was in your shoes last week and today I feel good. So good, I'm looking forward to going to church this morning!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
Hi guys,
I was able to fall asleep last night and woke up at 9am from the hot/cold flashes. I feel the same as I did when I fell asleep, i can still get up without feeling like a complete gimp still. My back feels like it's slowly rotting off tho and I'm a little scared for what's to come. Last week when I ran out, I went into WD a little earlier, I had a hard time getting up to go to the bathroom and literally could not get any sleep. Would yawn like crazy but couldnt get comfortable enough to doze off.
I will be home for all this so will keep posting my 'progress'. Thanks to everyone and take care!
I was able to fall asleep last night and woke up at 9am from the hot/cold flashes. I feel the same as I did when I fell asleep, i can still get up without feeling like a complete gimp still. My back feels like it's slowly rotting off tho and I'm a little scared for what's to come. Last week when I ran out, I went into WD a little earlier, I had a hard time getting up to go to the bathroom and literally could not get any sleep. Would yawn like crazy but couldnt get comfortable enough to doze off.
I will be home for all this so will keep posting my 'progress'. Thanks to everyone and take care!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 71
Hi Brooklyn -
I can remember very clearly waking up with the hot/cold flashes (even though I am 87 days sober!) - I think that the mornings were the most difficult part of the day for me because I just wished that I could sleep my entire way through detox.
A couple of things that helped me were: Gatorade - I drank orange Gatorade like it was my job the first 5 days. I couldn't bring myself to eat - and normally I drink water but it tasted terrible to me during withdrawal, so Gatorade helped a lot.
I would also take a really, really hot shower before going to bed - it would help calm my restless arms and legs enough to fall asleep for a bit. I also took Valerian Root about an hour before I was going to go to bed.
Finally, music and movies - if I didn't have something to distract my mind, I would think about how miserable I was.
Best of luck to you through this tough time - you can do this - it takes a strong person to pick up their life and leave something that they know is harming them. Kudos to you and your strength.
AEIOU
I can remember very clearly waking up with the hot/cold flashes (even though I am 87 days sober!) - I think that the mornings were the most difficult part of the day for me because I just wished that I could sleep my entire way through detox.
A couple of things that helped me were: Gatorade - I drank orange Gatorade like it was my job the first 5 days. I couldn't bring myself to eat - and normally I drink water but it tasted terrible to me during withdrawal, so Gatorade helped a lot.
I would also take a really, really hot shower before going to bed - it would help calm my restless arms and legs enough to fall asleep for a bit. I also took Valerian Root about an hour before I was going to go to bed.
Finally, music and movies - if I didn't have something to distract my mind, I would think about how miserable I was.
Best of luck to you through this tough time - you can do this - it takes a strong person to pick up their life and leave something that they know is harming them. Kudos to you and your strength.
AEIOU
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
AEIOU,
congrats on 87 days of being sober! And thank you for the advice, I've stocked up on Gatorade and ate a fairly large meal before I started to feel the withdrawals. You are right about water tasting horrible, it's also very harsh on my stomach, everything seems to go right through me without the oxy.
The hardest part is how time passes by so slowly; I guess that's part of the battle. Not being able to sleep makes it a thousand times harder, every minute feels like a lifetime when you can't get comfortable.
I think about how evil this drug is and how so many ppl have made the excuse 'it's medicine' or 'it's prescribed so it's not the same as heroine'. I realize ppl who are in dying pain do need something to ease the pain but I would never wish anyone to be dependent on this drug. It's truly taken over my life, if I spent the time I've thought about drugs on something worthwhile, I would be further along in my life. Nothing I can do, I just have to pull through this.
Thanks for reading, everyone
congrats on 87 days of being sober! And thank you for the advice, I've stocked up on Gatorade and ate a fairly large meal before I started to feel the withdrawals. You are right about water tasting horrible, it's also very harsh on my stomach, everything seems to go right through me without the oxy.
The hardest part is how time passes by so slowly; I guess that's part of the battle. Not being able to sleep makes it a thousand times harder, every minute feels like a lifetime when you can't get comfortable.
I think about how evil this drug is and how so many ppl have made the excuse 'it's medicine' or 'it's prescribed so it's not the same as heroine'. I realize ppl who are in dying pain do need something to ease the pain but I would never wish anyone to be dependent on this drug. It's truly taken over my life, if I spent the time I've thought about drugs on something worthwhile, I would be further along in my life. Nothing I can do, I just have to pull through this.
Thanks for reading, everyone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 28
I've been tossing and turning, getting up to go to the bathroom makes my body hurt. The time goes by so slowly, I try to watch shows on my computer but my mind is all over the place. I've drank lots of fluids and haven't experienced the runs yet, it's probably a matter of time before that kicks in. I've wanted to talk to my friends back in NY but I feel so ashamed about why I feel miserable. I just keep telling myself many have gone through worse and come out of the tunnel; it kills me feeling like a stranger in my own body.
My back is feeling like it's caving in and I can't relax, it hurts to get up so I've decided not to push myself. I can't lie, I would take a pill if I had one, but it would be a step back in the wrong way. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, ever. Tonight might be when the real battle starts, this too shall pass.
My back is feeling like it's caving in and I can't relax, it hurts to get up so I've decided not to push myself. I can't lie, I would take a pill if I had one, but it would be a step back in the wrong way. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, ever. Tonight might be when the real battle starts, this too shall pass.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
FailedTaper is giving great advice, so I just wanna say WELCOME to SR.com, and YES, TONS of us around here have been EXACTLY where you're at ... including myself.
And I just wanted to add that, IMHO, legally prescribed subs, done by a doctor who knows what he's doing, are a pure friggin GENIUS for certain situations. I mean, you can literally go from having a massive heroin habit, with a completely messed up head, unable to function remotely normally in society ... to being able to think and act rationally, hold down a job, and regain about 95% of a 'normal' life ... basically overnight ... by switching to subs.
This being said, if you get yanked off subs for some reason at a high dose, without a good taper, you will be in a HUGE world of hurt. It MUST be tapered off of, and it DOES take longer to get through W/D's than it does coming off OC or gear or the like ... and that's where the reputation that it's 'harder' to get off than OC comes from. In my opinion, it's not nearly as hard to get off of, because it doesn't get you high, and it's not that hard to taper down real low and step off at a low dose ... but some people have dumb doctors, or try to be superman and quit at way too high a dose, and they end up with gnarly, and long-lasting, withdrawal symptoms.
I would NEVER recommend them to someone who's tapered down to 20mg of oxycodone though. From that level, you might as well just stop and deal w/what's to come. Kicking off of 20mg of OC will be uncomfortably, surely ... but not impossible.
Welcome to SR.com, btw. As I'm sure you've sussed ... this is right where you need to be
And I just wanted to add that, IMHO, legally prescribed subs, done by a doctor who knows what he's doing, are a pure friggin GENIUS for certain situations. I mean, you can literally go from having a massive heroin habit, with a completely messed up head, unable to function remotely normally in society ... to being able to think and act rationally, hold down a job, and regain about 95% of a 'normal' life ... basically overnight ... by switching to subs.
This being said, if you get yanked off subs for some reason at a high dose, without a good taper, you will be in a HUGE world of hurt. It MUST be tapered off of, and it DOES take longer to get through W/D's than it does coming off OC or gear or the like ... and that's where the reputation that it's 'harder' to get off than OC comes from. In my opinion, it's not nearly as hard to get off of, because it doesn't get you high, and it's not that hard to taper down real low and step off at a low dose ... but some people have dumb doctors, or try to be superman and quit at way too high a dose, and they end up with gnarly, and long-lasting, withdrawal symptoms.
I would NEVER recommend them to someone who's tapered down to 20mg of oxycodone though. From that level, you might as well just stop and deal w/what's to come. Kicking off of 20mg of OC will be uncomfortably, surely ... but not impossible.
Welcome to SR.com, btw. As I'm sure you've sussed ... this is right where you need to be
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
FailedTaper is giving great advice, so I just wanna say WELCOME to SR.com, and YES, TONS of us around here have been EXACTLY where you're at ... including myself.
And I just wanted to add that, IMHO, legally prescribed subs, done by a doctor who knows what he's doing, are pure friggin GENIUS for certain situations. I mean, you can literally go from having a massive heroin habit, with a completely messed up head, unable to function remotely normally in society ... to being able to think and act rationally, hold down a job, and regain about 95% of a 'normal' life ... basically overnight ... by switching to subs.
This being said, if you get yanked off subs for some reason at a high dose, without a good taper, you will be in a HUGE world of hurt. It MUST be tapered off of, and it DOES take longer to get through W/D's than it does coming off OC or gear or the like ... and that's where the reputation that it's 'harder' to get off than OC comes from. In my opinion, it's not nearly as hard to get off of, because it doesn't get you high, and it's not that hard to taper down real low and step off at a low dose ... but some people have dumb doctors, or try to be superman and quit at way too high a dose, and they end up with gnarly, and long-lasting, withdrawal symptoms.
I would NEVER recommend them to someone who's tapered down to 20mg of oxycodone though. From that level, you might as well just stop and deal w/what's to come. Kicking off of 20mg of OC will be uncomfortably, surely ... but not impossible.
Welcome to SR.com, btw. As I'm sure you've sussed ... this is right where you need to be
And I just wanted to add that, IMHO, legally prescribed subs, done by a doctor who knows what he's doing, are pure friggin GENIUS for certain situations. I mean, you can literally go from having a massive heroin habit, with a completely messed up head, unable to function remotely normally in society ... to being able to think and act rationally, hold down a job, and regain about 95% of a 'normal' life ... basically overnight ... by switching to subs.
This being said, if you get yanked off subs for some reason at a high dose, without a good taper, you will be in a HUGE world of hurt. It MUST be tapered off of, and it DOES take longer to get through W/D's than it does coming off OC or gear or the like ... and that's where the reputation that it's 'harder' to get off than OC comes from. In my opinion, it's not nearly as hard to get off of, because it doesn't get you high, and it's not that hard to taper down real low and step off at a low dose ... but some people have dumb doctors, or try to be superman and quit at way too high a dose, and they end up with gnarly, and long-lasting, withdrawal symptoms.
I would NEVER recommend them to someone who's tapered down to 20mg of oxycodone though. From that level, you might as well just stop and deal w/what's to come. Kicking off of 20mg of OC will be uncomfortably, surely ... but not impossible.
Welcome to SR.com, btw. As I'm sure you've sussed ... this is right where you need to be
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