lowlow

Hey everyone I'm new to the site but definatley not new to the struggle with addiction. I've been in and out of cold turkey withdrawal for the past five years taking anything I can get my hands on opiate wise, but mainly oxycodone. About a year ago I got off of a 240mg a day oxycodone habit cold turkey while still working and going through school. A few months later and now im back on the same track taking 60mg a day of all sorts of drugs such as, methadone, dilaudid, percocet, and hydrocodone. I've been through this a million times so its nothing new to me. I recently have found out that I may have a baby on the way and do not want to bring a child into the world without being the best dad i can be. I'm only 22 years old, and need to turn my life back around. I'm scared to detox again due to the fact that i am a mehanic working over 50 hours a week with almost no time off. A treatment center or dr is out of the question for me and I do not want to use suboxone or methadone to get off anymore. Today is the first day of the new year and will begin my detox from opiates once again.I'm basically here for the support and help from others because I have nobody else to turn to for help. Please if you have any advice or comments feel free to post. I will keep this thread updated daily to let everyone know my story. Thank you for taking the time to read about my story!

Impurrfect

(((lowlow))) - Welcome to SR!! Oxy wasn't my thing (crack was) but there are a lot of people here who know it well. You're definitely not alone. SR has been a huge part of my recovery, and I'm glad you're here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

lowlow

Thank you very much for your prayers it means a lot. I beleive my main problem is the mental addiction. I can always get clean and feel great for a couple months and fall right back in :/

lowlow

So its only 2:18 and I'm already heading into withdrawals, mainly aching and lethargy. To top it off I also have a pretty bad cold. I have to be at work at 8am and know I wont get much sleep tonight. I'm really glad I decided to join the SR community, it feels so good to know your not alone

FT

Hi lowlow, and welcome!

This is going to be a difficult week for you, but if you have to work, you'll just have to work through the lethargy and body aches and everything else that goes with opiate detox. I wish you could take a few days off to start off your detox. It would help.

Please be careful if you are handling any dangerous tools during your first weeks off opiates. Most of us feel horrible during that first week and it is difficult to concentrate in that state. I could not work the first week, even at my computer.

If you have time, read through some of the threads that talk about opiate detox. There is a lot of good information there.

Keep posting your progress, that helps too.

Much luck to you. We're here to help.

FT

lostgirl25

Hugs to you lowtow. I know it is Day 1 but you are off to a good start. For me cold turkey is the only way that works. My goal is to never have to go through wd's again. I'm now 60 days clean and I'm committed to a long recovery.

It will be wonderful when on Jan. 2013 we can look back and know we have a year clean and productive. The mental aspects are the most difficult for me but I have worked on an arsenal of tools to beat back the demons that start working on my brain. NA meetings are helpful to many. Posting daily and keeping yourself accountable work for many. Working the Step programs gives me motivation. My greatest motivation is knowing it is my choice to never go through WD;s again. I read this forum daily, seek help from God morning, noon, and night and have removed myself from temptations that would make getting pills possible. I can't change the past and I don't know the future but for today I will not use and I will be a support for someone slse. Good Luck and you can do this. Life has so much to offer us and we can do this. I'll be watching for your posts.

FT

HI lostgirl25!

Good to see you here and posting this morning!

Hey all, we can do this together.

FT

lowlow

Okay so I don't feel so good about it but I ended up doing two roxy fifteens to help me sleep tonight. I really want this for myself, it has lost its fun and has become a necessity to function. The good news is i will have no money until Friday so I will have to deal with the pain. I feel so ashamed of myself, I want to get my life back but it just feels so hard

struggles79

Hi Lowlow and welcome! I totally understand how u feel. For me it's always been the mental part. Like Mark Twain once said 'Ive quit cigarettes a thousand times but the hard part is staying quit.' He had a point but the thing is the times that you were clean still count for something. You've lead a normal life whether it been for 2 months at a time a few weeks or even a few days the point is you have a good start and that clean titme just doesn't disappear. Try not to be hard on yourself and say 'I can never stay clean' try to acknowledge that what you are trying to do is very hard and credit yourself for having that clean time. It's really all about perspective and how you view things. Don't get me wrong perspective is not going to magically erase the pain of withdrawal but you will go into with a strong attitude.

For me it's been two weeks clean and honestly it feels like the longest two weeks of my life. I still hurt mentally and physically but every day it gets better and starting the New Year with a clean slate is priceless. Time will heal all things if we let it and congrats on the baby!

lowlow

Thank you struggles, it sure feels good to have someone to relate to when going through this by myself. I know this will not be easy, but I hope my new membership to SR will help me through this once and for all. So tonight it looks like ill get some sleep, and begin my journey to recovery for the last time. I will NOT slip up and take anything from this moment on. I'm totally committed to beating this!!

stepping

hang in there lowlow. tomorrow is a new day. you are NOT alone! HUGS!

northbelle

For me I can only do ONE day at a time...I am careful never to say never. I have five days today off a morphine habit. Yesterday I felt like cutting off a appendage for some so be prepared. I am NOT saying you can't stay clean forever. God knows you can. The chances are you may have a few struggles ahead. Give yourself credit for what you are doing. Its huge ..and you probably can't do it alone. Its waaay too painful to try to do it without support of some kind. I came crawling on my knees begging to a few friends of mine in recovery and they have walked me though it! Some things money cannot buy and people who support you are priceless!
Glad you are here! Let me know how you are doin! We can compare notes!

love norty

lowlow

That is how I will take it, one day at a time. Even though I hate it, I've been through it many times before and am somewhat prepared for my W/D's to begin. I expect to be entering in to full withdrawal by tomorrow before heading into work, wish me luck! I will try to post periodically throughout my day at work for support, I thank everyone who cares it means so much

whysocomplicate

Dude, I hear ya. I'm a little older but only on day 3 of withdrawal from 120mg of oxys. Can't sleep, I'm like a newborn baby when it comes to the bathroom, and I got the creepy-crawlies like nothing. I've read this shite can go on for weeks and months. If you're working and you're valuable, you might want to chek out your health insurance and see if your protected from reprisals. Your boss might understand. But this withdrawal stuff is crazy. I left booze alone 10 years ago and it didn't have anything on pills.

lowlow

Yea, I've been here so many times in my life, and I totally feel for you aswell. I successfully got off of a 240mg a day habit only just a year ago! It is possible and totally worth it in the end. Hang in there man, I'm here with you. If you need any advice or support please keep posting in my thread. Even though im going through this myself right now it makes a world of difference to relate to someone. Best wishes!


lowlow

dizzydolphin

Good luck to u lowlow, I can't imagine going through detox so many times! Your tenacity is amazing. Of course at 45 years old I cannot afford to do it again. Keep us posted on your progress. You sound like you know what you are in for. Bless your heart having to work through it also. I couldn't get off the sofa for 2 weeks.

finaltime

Make this time your last! I know you can do it. You won't be able to do much, I couldn't even imagine working while going through withdrawals. I am 43 days clean from opiates. Feel good but still struggle daily with being sober. Stay strong!!

lowlow

Good morning everyone. Okay so its 7:16am, I slept ok as i thought i would, however I did wake up in a pool of sweat. Im definately already feeling my body begining to withdrawal, and as i get ready for work this morning I'm dreading the long 9hr day of manual labor. I want to stay strong, I know what I'm in for; however it does not help with the fear. I will post at some point during my work day to continue to show progress. I hope someone reading my story can relate or feel inspired.

stepping

Hi lowlow!! I am here with you the whole way reading and writing . Hang in there today and know that if you make it through today you made it one step closer. EVERY SECOND IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!! Keep it up!

PreciousThings

Hey lowlow...one minute at a time & be careful at work. Hope u are able to focus and get thru your day. You are a brave soldier. I admire that.