Knicks22290

I've been addicted to pain killers(roxies) for over 2 years. I have reached the point where I'm reaching for help from my closest friends and family and time again failed and failed those who try to help me. I've tried to quit many times but always fail. Due to feeling sorry and hopeless for myself. I feel ashamed and helpless. I have lost respect from others as well as myself , and have troubler regaining self confidence ive once had. Although I know, the consequences of my actions, that didn't stop me, I'm not in denial. I feel very weak and helpless and at times very alone. I felt alone because of the lies I've created. I feel like it's time to be a man and finally overcome such a pathethic low point of my life. I have the support of an amazing family. I feel like I must leave this part of my life. It's day 7 of sobriety. It feels as though sometimes without sobriety, I have lost hope in my myself and hope of others. I need to overcomethis low point of my life. I hope to recieve tips, support, advice and trust. I've tried to stop after every use by going cold turkey to suboxone. The longest I've stopped using was 3 1/2 months.

Threshold

Glad you joined SR, I think you will find it a big help in staying clean. I am wondering, since you've had clean time, made it past withdrawls, why did you go back to using?

I think figuring out that bit will help with the staying stopped.

I understand the feelings of shame and self disgust. I NEVER was going to be "that" person, you know? then, OMG, I WAS that person. I did all those things I was NEVER going to do...

But I'm done with that.

The only way for me to be the person I want to be, is to do the things that sort of person does.

I found that having a framework for recovery and some real time support was an asset to me in recovery. I took advantage of the availability of NA.

I don't have meetings available anymore, but I use their literature, along with some other lit, in my recovery program,a nd I get my person to person support here.

We recover, if we set our lives to it. Not just our minds, not just our hearts but our lives. We have to DO recovery, Live it. and it is doable. And on the days I don't feel like it, and just want to slither back into my stoned gutter...I have to DO it anyway. Doing is what it's all about, IMO. Then when I wake up the next day, in spite of how I felt, I am where I want to be, instead of hungover and feeling like crap. I may not feel great, but I am proud and encouraged that I didn't f*ck up.

I already tried going back, didn't like the results, etc etc. It's too late now, I've had enough recovery that I know using won't ever cut it again. I know it's just a bad excuse and a cop out on myself and on life.

There are lots of reasons to get clean, but I've not been able to come up with a single convincing reason to start using again. I hope you are not able to either.

ryan1983

Good luck! I've been hooked on oxy for several years now, I feel like I've tried everything to quit, all with no results. I am very familiar with all the emotions that you were describing, they just get worse and worse as time goes on and they get very intense when you are detoxing. I wish you the best during this hard time, I hate seeing people go through this because I know how horrible it is, I'm gonna try and get sober for the new year, figured I'd ween off around the holiday's so my family doesn't need to see me while I'm detoxing, good luck again, I'll check back to see how you do, hopefully your success will help to motivate and inspire me to get sober!

Timebuster

Welcome to Sober Recovery Knicks,

If I were you, I'd get a meeting list of NA, and look for 'speaker' meetings. These tend to be good solid 'recovery-focused' meetings. For the first few weeks, try to just go every day, sit down, and listen for an hour. Don't spend your time there 'planning a speech', that just makes you nervous and causes you to not pay attention. You don't really need to talk much during meetings, you are there to learn how these people live and stay clean and sober.

Hang around afterwards, and try to get to know people, as others here have suggested. Buy yourself NA Basic Text, or ask for the free book if you cant afford to buy one. Pick up NA literature at the literature rack.

I promise you, I know from experience, if you just stay clean, every thing is going to start working out for you. You'll be able to earn back the respect you fear you've lost, everyone will begin to trust in you again, and you'll begin to trust in yourself and your abilities. The most important thing is to stay clean, my friend. From this basis, all other things follow, but it can take some time.

Don't give up! And do not downplay what an accomplishment being clean is. It is big, and it is not easy, no matter what any of the non-addict people in your world may think.

Very few of us stay clean alone, and it doesn't make sense to take a gamble on whether or not you personally are one of those who can. Frankly, you don't sound to me like a good candidate for doing so, not a knock (I know I can‘t), just an observation from 'being around' recovery for awhile. Start hanging around with sober/clean people, people who are really 'working' recovery program, and I promise you everything you fear you've lost will come back to you in time, if you just stay clean.

Good luck on your journey.

TB

lorilou1

hi,
Congrats on 7 days, u have to start somewhere and u DID IT!!!
give urself a little credit and be proud of 7 days, I know it doesn`t feel that great right now but it will get better w/ everyday. Yes, I do have bad days and bad feelings about myself but there is alot to do to make those feelings go away, just do something even if u read or something, it will pass. I am glad u are trying to do this now, I have waited till my 50`s to do this and I wasted so much quality time and lost so much, just do it!!!!!
the hardest part is the guilt feelings but it was tthe past and we can`t take it back, remember everything happens for a reason,thats how I look @ it.
Don`t be so hard on urself be hard on the addication, don`t look back,U CAN DO IT!!!

iliveforyou

Welcome to SR, this site has been a great tool for me in my recovery, I hope it proves to be the same for you.

Congrats on your clean time, I know how hard it is in the beginning. You don't ever have to go thru this again!

I've been locked in a vicious self-destructive cycle of opiate addiction for over 10 years. It only gets harder the longer you are addicted, I'm sure you know this. You CAN do this, recovery is possible. We'll be there for you every step of the way, if you want us to

Keep checking in, best wishes to you. Sending positive thoughts your way as well.

Take care of yourself.

Jess