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Old 12-23-2011, 03:16 AM
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thousandair
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prescription drugs

Hi, i am new to the site, i am 22 years old and i have been abusing pain killers for 3 years. I started with oxycontin using it recreationaly and was able to use it every now and then just fine. After a little bit of unfortunate things happening mixed with never really having any rules growing up i began tearing threw 10k i had in savings from a good job i had and later lost. It was the only thing that would make me feel normal. For the past few years i have been a functioning addict bouncing around jobs spending a insane amount of money. My problem is no one really knows or would support me if i told them what was going on so i deal with it all in my head. I have never told anyone and feel very embarresed to admit it to anyone even an online forum lol. At the end i was using 10+ perc 30s a day. I have been sober for 6 days for the first time in 2 years, most of the intense physical symptoms are gone and now it is mostly mental. I quit cold turkey and have no idea how i did it. Im still pretty much lying around all day as i don't have much energy. Sorry if that was scattered.
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:35 AM
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Hi there TrueReligion45!

Well, lucky you, here I am in the middle of the night unable to sleep! Lol.

What a great thing to discover your proclivity for opiate abuse while you are still so young!

This gives you tremendous advantage, whether you recognize it or not. Many of us came to this realization only after destroying careers that took our whole lives to build. Even though you talk about good jobs coming and going, blasting through good money you could have used better elsewhere, these are things that could be life changing later on, and not in a good way. So this is great news!

I'm serious. Seriously serious. Yes, it's the middle of the night where I am, but I am awake, and I mean it. If I had known what you already know now about my OWN proclivity for opiate abuse, maybe I would have avoided what happened to me. As it is, I have maybe 20 more years of productivity left in me before I am dead, and I have to do it after having napalmed my life with opiates. My addiction surrounded "legitimate" use before and after orthopedic surgery, but it matters little what brought us here.

What to expect now? You'll be sick for a couple of weeks. You're already 6 days into detox, so the drug is out of your system. But you will be extremely lethargic for probably a month. You're young, so you may not suffer much else. Us older folks take longer I think. For me, it took 3 months to feel anywhere near normal. 6 months to feel good. And now, at a year, I'm still regaining my stamina.

I'd suggest reading through some of the withdrawal threads (lots here) to see what else to expect. Or ask questions. But read the stories here. There are many. Many successes, some relapses, some devastating stories, some triumphs. All worth reading.

Good luck. Good to see you here. You CAN put opiates behind you, hopefully for good.

FT
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:35 AM
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You made the right choice. I too am a pill addict. I have a month of clean time and feel better each day I'm clean. The mental part is a true daily challenge for me as well. Today all I could think about was how much I miss being high!! It's when I'm bored my addict brain wants pills to give me something to do. I know that I need to find something healthy to keep my brain active. The couch is not it!! Keep going strong, read some threads.
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Old 12-23-2011, 03:46 AM
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Welcome to SR!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 12-23-2011, 04:32 AM
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to the first poster ya i was up too, had not slept yet, it was 630 am, something im used to now lol.
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Old 12-23-2011, 04:38 AM
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I also appriciate the time you took to respond, i have been reading around for days before i had balls to post. I find it comforting reading peoples stories. thank you.
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Old 12-23-2011, 04:46 AM
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Another thing i found helpful this time is unlike every other time i tried quitting, before i would try to stop i would fail n get high, but this time not sure if it was the amount i was doing but it no longer got me high at any mg amount. Maby it used all the serotonin up in my brain lol
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Old 12-23-2011, 05:10 AM
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Did you delete everyones number that sold or did pills ? Most people i know do them even occasionally, or should I see it as i will always be around the temptation and its up to ne?
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Old 12-23-2011, 05:11 AM
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Hello and welcome.
Congrats on the decision to quit ;-). Ft is right. U are very wise to bow out at such a young age. U may not feel it now, but u are lucky to have the opportunity for a long, clean, successful life.
I, myself, am 35. By all means not old, but old enough to be the mother of 3 children that, unfortunately, took a back seat to my oxy addiction. Same with my husband. I was there, but not THERE.
You have an opportunity to avoid the many 'mistakes' that would certainly be in your future if u stayed on the oxy train.

So, congratulations and keep it up! Hope u are finding some helpful information & advice here. I sure did, even tho I dont post much.

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Old 12-23-2011, 05:14 AM
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thank you
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Old 12-23-2011, 05:20 AM
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Hi TrueReligion! Welcome! FT is right when she says that you are lucky. It took me 12 years of being addicted to pills before I finally quit. You can only imagine how much money I blew through. I am on Day 27 now, and I also have not told my family about my addiction. I just told them that I had the flu. I'm feeling much better now. Also I don't really have a lot of energy, I had to force myself to get things done as the holidays are on our doorstep. About your dealer. Delete the numbers. If you have no access to the pills, you are less likely to relapse. The second week was the hardest for me with regards to the mind games. I was questioning if I really wanted to quit, is it a good time to quit, all these crazy thoughts. I can honestly say that I don't obsess over the pills anymore. I think about them once in awhile, but not very often anymore. Good Luck and Merry Christmas!
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Old 12-23-2011, 05:28 AM
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Yes, delete delete delete the numbers of your dealers. U should also stay away from other users as well...friends or not. Right now, u have to think about u and your sobriety. Surround yourself, if possible, with people who dont use.
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:07 AM
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:44 AM
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Also do you think a week long trip out of the country would be too much? where i would go i wouldnt be able to access drugs even if i wanted to.
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Old 12-23-2011, 07:02 AM
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That's what I'm doing........leaving in an hour. Actually it's better, no pill counting, worrying about running out!
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Old 12-23-2011, 08:02 AM
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Good for you. You have a chance to have a productive life and build new positive relationships. Delete numbers, remove all pills you may have stashed, and read the stories on this forum. The first two weeks will take total minute by minute commitment. All the drug (pill) talk in your brain will look for acceptance from you. Leave no option open but recovery.

I can't look back and do my life over but I can finally be the Mom to my child without supervised visitation and finally see myself as the person I want to be. Stay strong and seek support and help. Most addicts only fool themselves when thinking they can handle it alone. Keep making wise choices. It is worth it. Hope we all have a sober holiday.
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by TrueReligion45 View Post
Also do you think a week long trip out of the country would be too much? where i would go i wouldnt be able to access drugs even if i wanted to.
I used an exchange trip I am on right now for the same reason. If I were at home a few days longer I would have finally caved and gone back to oxycontin easily. Even then I was abusing sleeping pills and codeine, which I knew would be a lot harder to do overseas.

And so far it's worked. I'd say it is a good plan, but make sure you have someone to talk to you over there, so you don't start planning for when you return.

I didn't even use for a huge period of time, but the addictive personality that I have made stopping terrible.
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Old 12-24-2011, 09:23 PM
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i like the comments from the younger ppl especially , does anyone know anything about taking Valium to help me with the unreal anxiety!!!? i have a ton ofem. thank you.
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Old 12-24-2011, 10:13 PM
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Also have a very high tolerence im 6'3 215lbs if that helps.
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Old 12-25-2011, 02:01 AM
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Valium helps but it can be extremely addicting, and since we are all probably addicts it's not a good idea. Don't know if you know much about benzo withdrawals but they suck, might be worse then opiate, maybe not worse but different, the depression can be worse then the opiate withdrawals and they can take a long time to hit you. Being as far as you are now without having used valium I would encourage you to keep going without them. It can take weeks, months or even years to be back to "normal" I would do everything you can to stay with the cold turkey approach, you already made it through the toughest physical parts now give your body a chance to recover then maybe go to a doctor if the anxiety is still there and see if they can help you with it. One of my biggest problems was thinking that I was a doctor, if my back hurt go get oxy, if I can't sleep go get benzo's, subs when I need to get off oxy, etc, etc, I am by no means a doctor, and being an addict, my brain is going to be a little bias when diagnosing my symptoms. Bottom line, try and keep fighting the good fight with no drugs, if you think your anxiety is going to be a problem talk to a doctor.
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