Panda13

So I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 4 1/2 years and we've known each other since middle school. When I was 18 (him 19) we lived together, later breaking up and eventually giving our relationship another shot. This past year he'd been busted with marijuana twice and charged with open bottle in a park, which all led to him being in jail for a little over a month. Once he was out he began NA and AA meetings, doing really well and everything in our relationship has been great....so I thought.

I just found out that he in fact had relapsed and when I asked him about it he kept lying. He eventually admitted he had relapsed. From what I've learned about my mother's recovery (alcoholism) I can say that I know more than I would like to about addiction, but that's life.

Since my boyfriend has relapsed I'm not sure how I should deal with it along with not knowing what to do next. Any advice?

Needhelp777

I am currently not in the same situation but my wife is a drug addict, things arent going great so i guess i am not in a right place to speak but I will give it a try.

Put yourself first before it is too late. Think whether you can carry on like that. relationships arent based on hopes and dreams, they are day to day things that happen and once something is spoken about it should be dealt with and part of the past. Think hard to your self and put the love asside and ask yourself from an inside as well as an outside perspective whether you can see him being the father of your children currently (remember dont base this on hopes and dreams) base it on facts, think to yourself if it was your friend what advice would you have given her and take that advice for yourself, its tought so take your time, but its life. Really hope this helps you. Its hard to practice what you preach trust me I know. Get your friends support and input (ones that are really close to you) Good luck

Panda13

This does help. Having any advice on trying to deal with this is always appreciated and although your not in this current situation, you can sympathize. But I can't even tell you how many times I've asked myself if I can go on like this. If you don't mind my asking, but how did you deal with your wife's addiction?

struggles79

Hi Panda, maybe I can share my perspective. I meet the love of my dreams when I was 19 and we dated till I was 25. Through those years I developed a drug problem which started with Ecstasy and lead to coke. I would stay out all weekend getting high, partying with friends and then show up at our house Sunday morning cause I was too high too go home. This went on for a few years and then finally one day I went to her house after another weekend of partying and she had another guy there that had stayed over there all weekend needless to say I snapped but I tried to not make a scene cause if the cops came I would surely have gone to jail.

All the warning signs were there for me but I was too busy getting high. This event lead me into a serious depression and made me increase my drug use. It took me a good 2-3 years to get over with me stopping drugs and then it got really bad where it looked like I would never come back but I managed somehow. Now that I look back I think she made the right choice, she had to make the right choice for hersel. She wanted to marry me and start a family but apparently I had other things on my agenda. I try not to beat myself up about but to do this day I regret what happened. I'm not saying to leave your boyfriend because I wouldn't anyone to go what I went through but sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and your partner and see if you discuss the issue calmly and try to find a way to work it out. If that doesn't work then you have to do what's best for yourself. I realized after that event that nothing in life is guarenteed and took away a harsh lesson of how my actions hold consequences that I won't always like. Doesn't matter how much you love someone or how long you been together they can always one day just pick up and leave. Sorry for the long post, I hope that kinda helps a little.

Panda13

Thank you for your honesty. I don't get any of that these days. Just recently I've made the decision to start taking care more of myself. I realized that I've always been the one taking care of him and when I told him this he kept trying to throw everything back in my face. He's always felt as though that love is enough and that you never need anything else. Well as I'm sure you know it's not enough no matter how true we want it to be.

It's really nice to hear someone like you tell me the struggles you had in your relationship, and just having your input is already helping me. I wish you well and nothing but good things to come your way. Thank you for your words.

*hugs*

Needhelp777

Hi panada, I guess I delt with my wifes addiction in a few ways, we started off by trying to get her to take less, and on a less frequent basis, that took a long time but it helped, we got her down to fistly 3grams cocaine at any moment, we then narrowed it down to 2 grams, we altered this soo much with amount of intakes a week and so forth we eventually got down to once a week, all this that I am telling you is not exact because you can imagine the amount of failures that we went through in this process, they are manupulative and play every card they can, they play with your love for them with your family and with their own emotions and sympathy. My brother is a recovered addict and he tells me all these things like you cant remember and mean what you say at the time, its like they tell you what you want to hear just to make things easy and simple, anyway.
My situation is going rough, I actually have a post up, feel free to have a read and give advice if you like. I am just like you, I need help too.