Needsomeadvice

I am a 21 year old only child and a corrections officer. My mother was a heavy drinker when I was younger and finally went to rehab and was sober for eight years. She found a husband, we had a nice house, a dog, and a happy family. Unfortunately things turned bad. Her husband relapsed, got into trouble with the law. My mother has started drinking heavily again and I am simply lost. She has nobody else for support except for myself. She has lost contact with her family (her father is a recovered alcoholic, 3 of her brothers are in jail, and her mother is bipolar). We have since lost our home, she does not have a job, health insurance. I am constantly told by my father's side of the family that I should simply distance myself from her until she is ready to stop drinking. My mother was always my greatest friend when she was sober, she raised me as a single mother, I did well in school, went to college. I can never bare the thought of leaving her alone, yet I am just so frustrated with her. I have brought her to seven detox this past year, and a 30 day rehab program. I am an only child and constantly feel tremendous guilt and depression. I just need some advice on what to do.

dollydo

Welcome,

Sorry that you are having to face this situation. My mother is the primary alcoholic in my life. She has been drinking for 65 years, and continues to do so today.

Several times I had to go completely No Contact with her, for my sanity. Once for 4 years, and, another for 10 years. I had my bounderies in place and she overstepped them.

If you are not attending Alanon meetings I would suggest that you do so. I would also read all the stickies at the top of all the Family & Friends forums, there is a wealth of
information there.

Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do to help your mother, her recovery is up to her, she must fall to her knees before she can get back up. She knows what she needs to do, when and if she is ready, she will do what is necessary.

In the meantime, work on you, learn more about this horrible disease that there is no cure for, she will be an alcoholic for the rest of her life, it's just a matter of whether she is sober or not, that's it.

Sending support your way...Dolly

likealion

Dolly said everything I was going to say.

What I've learned through dealing with my alcoholic dad is that I'm the one who thinks there is problem. Until my dad wants to quit drinking, he's not going to change and the hardest part about loving an alcoholic in my opinion is accepting the powerlessness you feel over your inability to make your A do something they don't want to do.

I am working towards no-contact with my dad. I love my dad. I want a different relationship with my dad. But when my dad is drinking, it makes me crazy, and the drama that his illness brings has a negative impact on my well-being. I have to come first. I can't take care of anyone else in my family or do my job well if I let my dad's disease consume me.

My advice is to focus on yourself. What do you need in order to be sane and healthy? Do you need to draw some boundaries? If you do, that's okay. Best wishes to you -- keep coming here when you need help.

celticgenes

I'm so sorry that you're in your situation. It can be very hard to detach from an A's behavior. If you have not investigated al-anon, it might help. You might need to try a few different groups before one feels "right". Try to take care of yourself, and keep out of your Mom's way. It's her decision to drink. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You can love her, but not support the behavior. Best of luck, hope you find good support, here or elsewhere.

micealc

These words Ring so through...........
You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.


Get to ACA or Al Anon...........As well read the Laundry List Of ACA,you will find it if you Google it.See can you Identify with the Character Traits...
Good Luck to you.