Kialua

Since I came here I've been reading a LOT here on the forum and have learned a LOT.
I've learned that I am not alone and that we are more alike than different.

Now I feel compelled to do an art piece that logs my life as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, but I will start out with as a child in the alcoholic home. This would involve going through the family photos that I never could look at without huge grief. My brother took all of them when our mother died and he couldn't understand why I didn't want any and I couldn't understand why he wanted any of them. I have such an aversion to this part of my life that I don't even like going to any antique stores or flea markets because there is always a lamp, picture, table or dishes that we had that brings back traumatic moments. Which isn't hard because we rarely had any tranquility.

I think I am finally strong enough to do this but it will take at least a year to finish the work I have in mind. I have to narrow it down to my story. It is easy to want to include my siblings story and either blame them or exonerate them but where do I draw the line? I guess just when and how it affected me in my life. I have an art treatment in mind for my siblings images that don't really show them for licensing/legal problems because I have no doubt they will NOT want me to do this but both parents are deceased so I feel free to do this now.

Recap: AF, enabler M, two favorites that blamed the others for getting beat, and those abused just want to "get over it" and blame each other for not forgiving enough whenever the subject rears it's ugly head. Oh the secrets we each carry.

I know this won't be stress-free but just wondering if any other artists here have experienced going public and what was it like? Painters, writers? Anyone?

Kialua

Well I didn't mean to say only artists, writers to answer. I am wondering what anyone thinks of my plan. Has anyone seen anything like this? do you think this is a good idea? Or does it just not matter. Would you be interested in viewing such an artwork or would it be too stressful? would it help in your process or hinder? Just some questions I have. I think it will be hard but healing to deal with it for me. Don't know if it will be for others. I guess I am just thinking out loud...

GingerM

Some people feel the need to "go public" as a means of expunging the venom from within themselves. I've seen that work and I've seen it not work. "The Public" isn't always interested in hearing how messed up a person's life was, probably because they don't want to face their own demons. The comedian Louie Anderson wrote a book and sold it - that's about as public as you can get - of letters to his dead Alcoholic father ( Dear Dad: Letters from an Adult Child by Louie Anderson - Powell's Books ).

I've also known people who took on projects that were intended to go public, but when they finished the project, they knew that it was the process that they needed, not so much the publicity and the process helped them.

I've started writing a journal to my dad. It's a collection of all the things I wish I could say to him, but can't because either the DA won't let me, or it wouldn't get past the censors at the jail (they photocopy all my postcards to him), or it would make the situation worse. But there's so much of it that I write the letters anyway in a bound journal. Perhaps some day I'll be able to give it to him, assuming he doesn't spend the rest of his life in prison. Perhaps not. But the process is very useful to me, either way.

At some point, you will need to pull out all your old mental tapes and pictures and videos and recordings and examine them. The bigger question is "are you ready for that"? I don't mean "can you withstand it emotionally", rather "will it be constructive for you, or will it just turn into a giant pity party?" If you believe it could be constructive, then by all means, go for it - anything that helps is worth the effort. I wouldn't worry about 'going public' until it's finished. Only then will you know how you feel about going public with the installment. The process will most likely change a lot of how you perceive things, which will change your decision making process.

my 0.02.

dollydo

Interesting concept. I write fictional books, humorous murder mysteries, todate, seven books in the series have been published. When I reread my ramblings, I see that I have superimposed some of my childhood and todays challenges in the story line.

It doesn't seem to affect me one way or another, I just look at the words abstractly, like from a third persons viewpoint.

Sorry to say, I do not know how this project would affect you, however, why not give it a go, and, if it becomes an emotional burden, let it go.

Best of luck...Dolly

micealc

4. We made a searching and blameless inventory of our parents because, in essence, we had become them.
It is so Important to do this Inventory of our Parents.........because as Tony A has Stated.......We became them.

I needed to examine where I fitted in to the Family....Was I .....Check this out it helps

Updated Family Roles in Our Family of Origin « Answers By Email is the Place to Determine Your Addictions

Attitudes,..Tempers,Sulks,White lies,etc......Mannerisims......the way they done things....Held Forks,Spoons,Walked,Coughed,Laughed...etc.

Kialua

Thanks all for the advice and concern. I guess by 'going public' that meant dealing with it physically for me. Whether and/or how anyone ends up actually seeing it or not hasn't been really thought through. Maybe I am doing it for my husband and I first.

This has come about because of my discussions with my husband recently. He has known me most of all my life. Now when we watch movies or tv and I relate how "that happened to me" and tell him about one incident or another. He is awed and I realize I haven't really told him all about it. I just assumed he knew from what little I had told him and that he was there. What is surprising me is his new-found respect for me, ie. how well I 'turned out' and how well I raised kids and dealt with life, now that he knows more about me. He marvels that I am at all normal. ha ha. But that led me to thinking how much I never told him or anyone. And by refusing any pictures of growing up I am just in denial.

Many many years ago I did try writing down my experiences as a child but it soon got wearisome and I had to quit. I am not a writer, it was too affecting. I will watch that this does not become a pity party, that is the last thing I want. I am thinking more of a purging. We'll see.

reverse

I think the idea is great and would love to see your final outcome. I am an artist as well, myself, and an avid writer and lover of words.

However, as a result of me writing about all of my feelings, etc, my sister foo, found my writings and has even went thru great lengths to find me on this forum and a blog I created two years ago. I just found out a few days ago that she is a member of this forum and I am deeply upset b/c she is still twisting this situatino onto me in this forum ***** and even saying I was phsycially abusive to her...in which I never was. She says I am unhealthy for her...but I am the one who disengaged from her a long time ago b/c of her screaming fits and codependencies and lack of respect for my boundaries and decisions as a free person. Now, I have to change my name and delete all my other posts b/c of this. So, be careful as to of just what you want to go public. I am certain that more than just her in my foo ended up reading my personal thoughts about my healing journey and I find it deeply disturbing.

Kialua

Oh no how awful for you. Wow. Well maybe they will learn something from your writings. You can only hope. I guess i would just say, "Yeah, that's how I feel." and let them contend with it. Or you could maybe speak with a moderator and see if they could be banned? yikes.

I don't think my sibs would care enough to do anything, they are so estranged from me. They don't believe anything happened and blame us for getting beat. Nuts. Siblings that want to protect their dream world are hard to reason with. I have to scan some photos and try out some ideas. I will post here if I get something worthwhile but it will be months.

Tunie

I think this is a great idea. I'm an artistic person and have never "gone public" with any art I've done relating to my childhood or relating to being an ACOA.

Concerning how your siblings would react, just keep in mind to have your art show YOUR perspective. And don't assume through your art that you know your siblings' perspective. Not to mention to keep them anonymous in your artwork. I'm sure you know that.

If your siblings end up getting upset about your art, it has nothing to do with you. They may feel some feelings of hurt, but you know their hurt is their problem.

Kialua

Thanks tunie. I know I would never portray their perspective properly. We are so disconnected. Even the sibling I get along with the most recently told me that they heard from god that I haven't forgiven my mom enough. Not true in the least. What an endless battle.