Lost my boyfriend 5 days ago to addiction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 4
Lost my boyfriend 5 days ago to addiction
I came home from work and found him on the ground in the kitchen. He was already gone but they tried so hard to get him back. We have beem together 2 years, and he has struggled with various addictions. I saw past his addiction and loved him for the man I knew and saw him as.
I did not know until 2 days before died, that he was even doing heroin. I had suspicions he was doing something, but did not know what. I told him I never want to come home and find him dead, he told me that would never happen and he knew what he could and couldn't do.
The day after he died, we were supposed to go to the drug and alcohol assessment center bc he wanted to tell them if he did not go to an inpatient rehab, he would never make it (which he told me also 2 days before I found him). But he didn't make it that extra day to do this.
I wish there was more I would have done. Though I understand, he made his decisions, I feel some guilt. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to grasp and go through, and I am not sure it will ever be easy. I would never want another person to feel what I feel and what I am going through.
R.I.P my love
I did not know until 2 days before died, that he was even doing heroin. I had suspicions he was doing something, but did not know what. I told him I never want to come home and find him dead, he told me that would never happen and he knew what he could and couldn't do.
The day after he died, we were supposed to go to the drug and alcohol assessment center bc he wanted to tell them if he did not go to an inpatient rehab, he would never make it (which he told me also 2 days before I found him). But he didn't make it that extra day to do this.
I wish there was more I would have done. Though I understand, he made his decisions, I feel some guilt. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to grasp and go through, and I am not sure it will ever be easy. I would never want another person to feel what I feel and what I am going through.
R.I.P my love
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Orlando, Fl
Posts: 300
I'm sorry for your loss, but please don't blame yourself, us addicts are really good at hiding what we are doing. You in no way could have done anything to change what has happened.
Bless your heart.
Bless your heart.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 379
Hi Heart, I, too, am very sorry for your loss.
What Dizzy said is sadly true. We are very good at hiding things - you did everything you could. I have no doubt that your love and support made his life bearable as he tried to work through his issues.
Thank you for sharing with us. I wish you all the best as you continue on!
What Dizzy said is sadly true. We are very good at hiding things - you did everything you could. I have no doubt that your love and support made his life bearable as he tried to work through his issues.
Thank you for sharing with us. I wish you all the best as you continue on!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
We constantly flirt with death, because we are afraid life is going to abandon us. Sometimes death takes us to bed.
What a shock and loss you are going through.
I hold you, your boyfriend and every one of us addicts active or recovering in my heart.
What a shock and loss you are going through.
I hold you, your boyfriend and every one of us addicts active or recovering in my heart.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((HeartLost))) - I'm so sorry for your loss. Though I understand the guilt (went through a bit of it when I lost my XABF#3), I'm also a recovering addict, and we always think we know better than to go too far.
Please know that we are here to support you through your grief.
Many, many hugs and prayers to you and all who loved him,
Amy
Please know that we are here to support you through your grief.
Many, many hugs and prayers to you and all who loved him,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1
I am so sorry to hear this. I urge you not to blame yourself. I apologise for sounding like i'm making presumptions here, but no matter how you might convince yourself otherwise, you cannot have stopped this from happening and it is no reflection on his feelings for you. Please stay strong, but don't keep it all inside. There are plenty of people here who will listen and there are a number of organisations which can help.
a southern belle
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: tennessee
Posts: 265
dear heart....i cant imagine what you came home to that day. what a sin for a life to be lost, yet again, to addiction. one of the most heart wrenching parts of your post told me that he was....reaching out. so sad. he knew how deep in his addiction he was. he knew he was on a path of destruction. he knew he needed help. he just didnt go in time. please know in your heart that there is nothing you could honestly do. it is totally up to us to seek, find, and hold on tight to sobriety. addiction is such a damning and dreadful disease. my heart goes out to you, love. take care and God bless....mags
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