Hopencope

My husband of 18 years is an ACoA and has been smoking pot regularly for over 8 years. We were happily married for the first 10 years, but over the past several years he has changed. When he smokes he is annoying but at least kind and patient. When he doesn't smoke...lets just say it's Jekyll and Hyde. He becomes paranoid, aggressive, sarcastic, petty, that's when he is talking to me. Otherwise he mopes and will not talk to me for days. I have endured his mood swings for years and blamed myself for them for years. I have begun to see a cycle now and am sure this is caused by the pot. When I tell him this he gets furious and says that it helps him relax. Some people have a drink to unwind - he smokes pot. Fair enough, but when you drink almost everyday to de-stress people start to think you have a drinking problem. When you smoke pot almost everyday isn't that a problem too?! He was clean for a couple of months and told me he was so happy to kick it. It was not long before he was at it again. Problem now is that he seems to have a higher tolerance for it so he seems to be smoking more and more. I have caught him in lies lately just so that he can go off smoking. He has even gotten up in the middle of the night to smoke. Am I exagerating when I say that pot does screw with your thinking and damages your relationships? How do I get him to seek help? I am afraid to bring it up again, but I can't live like this anymore. I resent him so much for what he has done to my life (I get pannick attacks and am on anxiety meds and had to quite my jobs). He works 3 X 12 hour shifts and doesn't miss any days or doesn't call in late/sick. I don't know if he smokes before going to work, but I know he smokes after work. On the 4 days he is off from work, he smokes pot, plays guitar, smokes more pot and watches tv long after everyone has gone to bed. I walk up at 6am to get the kids ready for school and I find him sleeping on the couch, no pillow, no blanket, same clothes as last night and the tv is still going. He gets up a few hours later and is still nice to me cause he is still "medicated". After breakfast he starts to get quiet and snarky and that is when the cycle starts over for the day....More pot, more guitar, more tv.....

IvanKatz

If your husband refuses to get help, I personally think you need to seriously look at your "other options". Life is way to short to spend it with someone who prefers the drugs over his family.
In my case, I stopped taking my prescription pain meds because I love my wife so very much. When I was taking the meds, I had no pain *BUT* I also wasn't the best husband I could be. My wife is EVERYTHING to me!!! She is my love, comfort, lover, and my best friend is the whole world.
I love and adore her so much that I'd rather endure Chronic pain than be a poor husband.

Going to work and providing for a family is only one part of being a good husband.

Poofy

Don't be a codependent. Ask him to change his lifestyle or help him get help. If not, it might be time to get out...

tbeit

Are you sure it only pot we're talking about.When I was out there pot made me tired but opiates gave me all the other symptoms.

Hopencope

tbeit, I'm pretty sure it's only pot because I would know by the bank account balance. According to some articles I have read on pot smoking it could cause psychosis in some people.

IvanKatz I'm happy for you and your wife that you worked things out. You are lucky to have her and she is lucky to have you too. My question to you is did you quit on your own or did she ever give you an ultimatum?

IvanKatz

I quit on my own accord *BUT* she did tell me when I was coming off of them that she was not going to be with someone with a "problem". Was it an ultimatum? Perhaps, but I love her too much to have to worry about that. I deal with chronic pain constantly but I do not worry about losing the most important thing in my life - HER!

Hopencope

I hope you are able to find a healthy alternative solution for your physical pain. And I hope my husband comes to see what he stands to lose.

IvanKatz

No viable alternate to my pain. I was supposed to have a spinal implant inserted into my spine to block the pain but since I lost my job last month, I see no possible way to pay for the surgery. I have insurance but when you have % of that 30% needed... Not sure how I'm going to do that.
I'm making due in the mean time with meditation. It's kicking my my ass but I'd rather have it kicked than be divorced and alone.