dawn197

I hope this is allowed, I posted this on newcomers in recovery and then found this forum also. Trying to get as much feedback as I can:

I am on my second serious attempt to stop drinking after two years of drinking 100 proof vodka every night. I am also on suboxone and have been abusing stimulants over the past year.

I lost my mother six months ago, due to drug abuse. (They were prescribed but to an addict that is just a death sentence, she was also an alcoholic and substituted the drink with drugs) I am tired of waking up and not remembering what I did the night before. I work fulltime, and when I am honest with myself, I know that I have let my life go to crap!

I want to get to meetings, I used to go years ago, but instead of "Taking what I need and leave the rest", I found myself being critical of people and not really feeling like I belonged because I was recovering from a pill addiction at that time, and these were alcoholics! (LOL, at the time it made sense)...never mind the fact that I had a history of binge drinking and black outs! I guess I had to make sure I qualify for AA, because I ended up taking up the drinking! How sick is that?

I am just looking for support. I am alone, my fiance' is only home 1 to 2 days a week, both my kids have recently moved out and are on their own. I have no interests any longer. I have no more vodka (I have refused to buy any for 2 days now) and I took my last adderall. I have all my literature from rehab and when I was into the recovery thing. I am looking forward to this journey but at the same time I am very scared. I have severe fatigue, headache and just went to Dr. today because of a kidney infection. (She has no idea that I have been drinking/drugging, she thinks I am sober).

Thanks for any suggestions or insights. Sorry for such a long post. I hope to find some people who have been there and done that and are enjoying life now.

DarkNess2Light

Well Dawn the first thing you must admit is you are powerless over alcohol and CAN NOT manage your own life... have you done that ?

Are you ready to follow some simple suggestions because I will tell you the short road ahead isnt an easy one.. but sobriety is possible if you are 100 % willing....

I am living proof I lost it all wife kids family... and cant tell you its all come back but I am sober over a year and will continue to do the next right thing work on me and things just keep getting better.... I am happy for you it still seems you have some of the thigns I lost ....Dont loose them


I am here if you need to chat

FT

Welcome, Dawn197!

I'm glad you've come here for support.

I came to SR last December when I was scared and didn't know what to expect when I quit oxycodone.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. There is so much more to life than drugs and alcohol, although that can seem like a hopeless idea when you are in a situation like yours.

If you went to your doctor today and were healthy except for the kidney infection, that is good news. Doctors don't always check for things like liver dysfunction if they don't suspect something is wrong, though, so you might want to ask for a more general check up that includes a range of metabolic blood tests as well as the focused exam she probably just did.

If you can't talk to your doctor, that is a shame, because she could be the one person who you could confide in and get support for staying clean. You should also find someone to talk to who cares about your being clean and who you can be accountable to besides yourself when you feel weak and inclined to start drinking again.

I hoe to see more of you here. You are most welcome, and hearing more of your story would be great.

FT

dawn197

Thanks for resonding so soon!

Unfortunately, I don't have that type of relationship w/my dr. due to the fact that i am in the same profession. She has threatened me in the past that if i relapse, i will be reported. I am the one who suggested the liver tests and went to her today because i knew i had a kidney infection. I am considering looking for a new Dr., someone I can be honest with.

I was going to call my old sponsor but am too fearful right now. I am only on day 2, starting to feel the effects of no booze, and just want to isolate (which is not healthy, I am going to force a meeting tomorrowand make myself call my old sponsor).

I really do need to be honest with myself, 100% because i know that is what led me to relapse in the past.

Spica

Hey Dawn - fellow isolationist here.

A new doc would probably be a great idea.

I am glad to hear from you - I did the AA thing a while back but nothing prepared me for the oxy ride...

I am attending meetings with NA now - I had to fall a very far way down to finally admit that I could not beat this thing alone. I need help and a supportive group of people can make the difference between staying sane and relapsing.

I bet your old sponsor would be happy to hear from you. If not, then maybe that person was not the right sponsor for you and a new sponsor may be the answer. Either way there is hope - admitting that you are not happy with where you are is a step in the right direction...

Keep posting and let us know how it goes!!!

FT

Dawn197,

I find it shocking that ANY doctor would be so unethical as yours is being. She is NO doctor I would want to trust my health with, not even for a bladder infection. How dare she violate the Hippocratic oath in that manner?

Not only that, it is malpractice to make such threats, and if she is that kind of "friend", run fast the other way.

The only things a doctor is required by law to report are threats of harming another individual or knowledge of a crime, such as theft to buy drugs. I'm not even entirely sure the latter is a requirement. Doctors are also required to report some communicable diseases, but that isn't to the police or the reporting authorities for the medical professions.

Geez.

Go get yourself a different doctor. If you are going to be dealing with liver problems, you will want someone compassionate and caring, and this woman either neither.

FT