Tekka

Hi all,

Firstly, I'd I thought I be over the worst by now... but apparently not.

I've been on codeine for... I dunno... years. At my worst I was probably taking... (five minute pause while I try to do some mental arithmetic) 350-400mg a day. I've gone cold turkey before 'successfully'--successful, in that I stopped, but only for a few months. I've tried tapering, unsuccessfully.

So. My stash of proper codeine had run out. I'd visited every pharmacy in the local area to get OTC rubbish (two of them would no longer serve me: one of whom gave me a genuinely heartfelt speech about getting help--I agreed that I would and immediately went to a chemist three miles away to get the stuff). I had enough to (just) squeeze me through the first week of a two-week holiday with my girlfriend. Luckily, I was able to get hold of some OTC codeine on a few occasions while she was busy shopping. And, yeah, I'm fully aware of how pathetic that is...how it all is.

Friday night last week: the drugs ran out. Saturday, we stayed at her relatives' (hardcore vegans, so no chance of finding anything there ). Saturday was fine, the first day is always fine. Saturday night, we shared a few bottles of wine with her family (as you can imagine, I've barely had a sip of alcohol for years). Really, I think it was then I decided to stop. Her uncle was so full of life: interested in everything, telling stories, wanting to know what people thought. I haven't been like that for a long time. So, Sunday morning was a event: but I could blame a lot of my illness on a hangover. I ate a couple of packets of ibuprofen, stomach settlers, aspirin...whatever and we drove the 250 miles back home. I was sure to drop some hints about having a cold or flu so the coming days of disgusting ill health wouldn't come as a shock.

I've managed two days in work out of four. I should be in today, but I'm not. Yesterday afternoon, I thought I was over the worst of it (and I'd actually managed to get a couple hours' sleep the night before), but by the evening I was feeling as bad as I ever have: headache, tooth pain, fever, diarrhoea, shakes, sweating, cramps, unable to sleep, unable to talk or watch TV... just sick). Another sleepless night. My job requires me to be friendly all day (if not friendly, then at least there and attentive): I just can't today. This is probably a good time to point out that I've lost jobs in the past from codeine sickness/lethargy (plus some laziness).

Anyway, this post is getting ENORMOUS! Really, all I'm saying is: it's day 7 and I'm still going. My girlfriend and I are looking at getting married and finding enough money to get somewhere better to stay: plus kids and dogs, naturally. So, I have to do this and finish it this time. Also, it will be nice not having to pack a secret drugs bag to take on holiday.

I'd guess the longest I've been sober is 6 months in the last 8 years. And, honestly, every day was hard: things are more difficult when they're right there rather than off in some distant fog. I'm going to do it: I have to. But I wish I could get some sleep and lose this headache.

dreamscape

you can do it, i've been clean for almost 9 months from codeine and everything else!