Struggling with my addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Boca *****,Fl
Posts: 46
Struggling with my addiction
[NB][/B][B]Need help,still have not been able to quit,i am destroying my body taking oxycontin and dilauded for the last ten years. I go to meetings every weekend and have asked a few people for help,they give me their phone numbers to call them so I do and they dont call me back or nothing. It seems like nobody wants to help me because I am still in active addiction so what am I to do,cant go to rehab,need to support my family,please any help,thank you.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I don't have experience with you DOC so I can't offer much there, but I have lots of experience with being alone with my addiction. Feeling trapped, hopeless,wondering why someone out there wouldn't or couldn't save me.
Scary stuff.
I wanted someone to save me, lots of days I still do. There is no way out but for me to stop using, and then I have to figure out how to deal with life...without using.
The good news is I only have to do it a minute at a time. If I think of having to do it for the rest of my life, I freak.
everyone's path is different, but knowing people have recovered before me gives me hope.
Scary stuff.
I wanted someone to save me, lots of days I still do. There is no way out but for me to stop using, and then I have to figure out how to deal with life...without using.
The good news is I only have to do it a minute at a time. If I think of having to do it for the rest of my life, I freak.
everyone's path is different, but knowing people have recovered before me gives me hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Boca *****,Fl
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Threshold 
I don't have experience with you DOC so I can't offer much there, but I have lots of experience with being alone with my addiction. Feeling trapped, hopeless,wondering why someone out there wouldn't or couldn't save me.
Scary stuff.
I wanted someone to save me, lots of days I still do. There is no way out but for me to stop using, and then I have to figure out how to deal with life...without using.
The good news is I only have to do it a minute at a time. If I think of having to do it for the rest of my life, I freak.
everyone's path is different, but knowing people have recovered before me gives me hope.
Scary stuff.
I wanted someone to save me, lots of days I still do. There is no way out but for me to stop using, and then I have to figure out how to deal with life...without using.
The good news is I only have to do it a minute at a time. If I think of having to do it for the rest of my life, I freak.
everyone's path is different, but knowing people have recovered before me gives me hope.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
Dragon....You and I have alot in common other than I have been clean and sober for 8 1/2 months. You really need to quit using so people or sponsers can take you seriously. If you aren't willing to put in the effort why should they? This is the powerlessness of drugs. It sucks when you want that damn drug everyday. Your head won't clear for at least 3 months until you can get rid of it. My DOC was dilaudid. I had a wicked withdrawl but I had to quit.
I go to meetings regularly and I still struggle daily and want instant gratification of feeling better and life being wonderful. Well it takes awhile to clean up our crap and working the steps made me realize just why I want to use all the time and when I sobered up realized just how my depression contributed to wanting live in a fog everyday. Drug induced happiness just doesn't work.
I know how hard it is and hope that you can find someone to help you out cause face to face is the best. I would try going to meetings everyday and occupying your down time. Good luck and keep in touch. I do get your agony and feel for you.
I go to meetings regularly and I still struggle daily and want instant gratification of feeling better and life being wonderful. Well it takes awhile to clean up our crap and working the steps made me realize just why I want to use all the time and when I sobered up realized just how my depression contributed to wanting live in a fog everyday. Drug induced happiness just doesn't work.
I know how hard it is and hope that you can find someone to help you out cause face to face is the best. I would try going to meetings everyday and occupying your down time. Good luck and keep in touch. I do get your agony and feel for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 683
DH,
Many of us have been in the same spot you have. As a matter of fact, I was taking the EXACT meds you were. I got to the point where I decided that I'd rather deal with the physical pain than deal with the devil. It was a rough time but it was over with in a couple of weeks. You have to decide for yourself and don't let the fear and addiction run your life.
I HATE the pain but I have my life back as many other have too. I no longer count my meds and worry about missing a doc appointment for refills.
If you have have no serious medical condition where you need the meds, then go for it!
in 30 days YOU WILL be the person you want to be rather than the shell of the person you are now.
For many of us, we were helped by a higher power.
The key for you is losing the fear and forging ahead to a new life of clarity and purpose.
There is a plan for all of us but YOU get to decide which plan you take.
Many of us have been in the same spot you have. As a matter of fact, I was taking the EXACT meds you were. I got to the point where I decided that I'd rather deal with the physical pain than deal with the devil. It was a rough time but it was over with in a couple of weeks. You have to decide for yourself and don't let the fear and addiction run your life.
I HATE the pain but I have my life back as many other have too. I no longer count my meds and worry about missing a doc appointment for refills.
If you have have no serious medical condition where you need the meds, then go for it!
in 30 days YOU WILL be the person you want to be rather than the shell of the person you are now.
For many of us, we were helped by a higher power.
The key for you is losing the fear and forging ahead to a new life of clarity and purpose.
There is a plan for all of us but YOU get to decide which plan you take.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Boca *****,Fl
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by IvanKatz
DH,
Many of us have been in the same spot you have. As a matter of fact, I was taking the EXACT meds you were. I got to the point where I decided that I'd rather deal with the physical pain than deal with the devil. It was a rough time but it was over with in a couple of weeks. You have to decide for yourself and don't let the fear and addiction run your life.
I HATE the pain but I have my life back as many other have too. I no longer count my meds and worry about missing a doc appointment for refills.
If you have have no serious medical condition where you need the meds, then go for it!
in 30 days YOU WILL be the person you want to be rather than the shell of the person you are now.
For many of us, we were helped by a higher power.
The key for you is losing the fear and forging ahead to a new life of clarity and purpose.
There is a plan for all of us but YOU get to decide which plan you take.
Many of us have been in the same spot you have. As a matter of fact, I was taking the EXACT meds you were. I got to the point where I decided that I'd rather deal with the physical pain than deal with the devil. It was a rough time but it was over with in a couple of weeks. You have to decide for yourself and don't let the fear and addiction run your life.
I HATE the pain but I have my life back as many other have too. I no longer count my meds and worry about missing a doc appointment for refills.
If you have have no serious medical condition where you need the meds, then go for it!
in 30 days YOU WILL be the person you want to be rather than the shell of the person you are now.
For many of us, we were helped by a higher power.
The key for you is losing the fear and forging ahead to a new life of clarity and purpose.
There is a plan for all of us but YOU get to decide which plan you take.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: texas
Posts: 38
See a Dr. maybe there's an outpatient program you could attend or maybe a Dr. can help setup a taper.
Seeking medical advice from a Dr. will ensure you are physically okay when quitting the drugs...
Keep going to meetings. maybe you could ask some people in the meetings if they know of any programs to help you detox. Detox programs are typically much shorter than rehab stays.
For me the fear of changing was overpowered by the pain of not changing and I quit. Withdrawal sucks and is painful but you don't ever have to feel that way again...
Seeking medical advice from a Dr. will ensure you are physically okay when quitting the drugs...
Keep going to meetings. maybe you could ask some people in the meetings if they know of any programs to help you detox. Detox programs are typically much shorter than rehab stays.
For me the fear of changing was overpowered by the pain of not changing and I quit. Withdrawal sucks and is painful but you don't ever have to feel that way again...
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
29 days crack free
dragonheart you can do it.
I made a commitment on 7-10-2010 to stop everything, alcohol, cocaine marijuana, and cigarettes.
Stopping cigarettes lasted 15 minutes, still smoke cigs
Stopping crack smoking lasted 2 weeks?, but now I am crack free for 29 days
marijauna 2 or 3 times in the last year.
The reason I will be sober for 1 year and 3 months tomorrow is because i go to AA meetings regularly, it works
You have described exactly how I have felt and I am on an emotional roller coaster ride as we speak.
Dont give up I haven't. All the people that create these threads and reply to yours care, and so do I. I'm 29 days free of crack because I found Soberrecovery.com. Keep talking to people, thats what encourages me to keep trying.
DONT GIVE UP, YOU CAN QUIT
Life, Health, Prosperity
neferkamichael
I made a commitment on 7-10-2010 to stop everything, alcohol, cocaine marijuana, and cigarettes.
Stopping cigarettes lasted 15 minutes, still smoke cigs
Stopping crack smoking lasted 2 weeks?, but now I am crack free for 29 days
marijauna 2 or 3 times in the last year.
The reason I will be sober for 1 year and 3 months tomorrow is because i go to AA meetings regularly, it works
You have described exactly how I have felt and I am on an emotional roller coaster ride as we speak.
Dont give up I haven't. All the people that create these threads and reply to yours care, and so do I. I'm 29 days free of crack because I found Soberrecovery.com. Keep talking to people, thats what encourages me to keep trying.
DONT GIVE UP, YOU CAN QUIT
Life, Health, Prosperity
neferkamichael
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Boca *****,Fl
Posts: 46
Thanks for the help and I wont give up because my family is more important,even though I live with a lot of pain,i am still going to do it. I had a couple of close calls with death already with having blood clots and im not even 40 yet. I thank my god every day and pray for my family,i just hope I stop really soon and get to live another forty years,clean years,thank you for listening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Boca *****,Fl
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Roxyblues
Sober in AA and still smoking crack. Reading shut like this discourages me and makes me wonder if anyone in AA is really sober or if it really works.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 120
Yeah,
I know what ya mean DH (about the negative comments and all). You're already down on yourself. Putting that pill in your mouth and the guilt that follows. But then the relief washes over you. I sure do know how you feel.
So tell me, why can't ya do rehab?
I know what ya mean DH (about the negative comments and all). You're already down on yourself. Putting that pill in your mouth and the guilt that follows. But then the relief washes over you. I sure do know how you feel.
So tell me, why can't ya do rehab?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by dragonheart
I am asking for help so please dont reply if you dont have something nice to say like what you wrote here,thank you.
I know for me I only have a chance if I totally abstain from all chemicals. I have lost years of sobriety through use of ambien and even benedryl set up tr craving for me once. Have had over a year 5 times and once had about 4 or 5 years.
I would just keep calling and leaving heart felt messages. Say you need help and are being honest.
I get the family and job thing, bur book says something like wife, no wife, job no job, we simply will not get sober as ling as we places people, places or things ahead of our sobriety. I would go to detox ASAP and get off everything so you can actually work the steps and get into recovery. Probably just lose that job or family if not willing to do whatever it takes to get clean. Once your willing to do whatever it takes, including losing family and job, you will get off the pills and find relief or a sufficient substitute for the pills in the steps. Takes a total surrender.
Baby Girl D
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: x..Manchester, England..x
Posts: 592
You need to have the will power to stop its easy sayin than it bein done 
I'm on my first night of detoxin and I don't know what the night ahead gonna be like but I want to be clean before I lose everythin and my kids. I've read on other sites bout alcohol & drugs they say think of the negatives of them rather than the positives and look at affects that it as on your life x
I'm on my first night of detoxin and I don't know what the night ahead gonna be like but I want to be clean before I lose everythin and my kids. I've read on other sites bout alcohol & drugs they say think of the negatives of them rather than the positives and look at affects that it as on your life x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by dawnie24
You need to have the will power to stop its easy sayin than it bein done I'm on my first night of detoxin and I don't know what the night ahead gonna be like but I want to be clean before I lose everythin and my kids. I've read on other sites bout alcohol & drugs they say think of the negatives of them rather than the positives and look at affects that it as on your life x
I'm on my first night of detoxin and I don't know what the night ahead gonna be like but I want to be clean before I lose everythin and my kids. I've read on other sites bout alcohol & drugs they say think of the negatives of them rather than the positives and look at affects that it as on your life xMember
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Orlando, Fl
Posts: 300
I'm glad to see you got mostly positive feedback. Don't let the negative discourage you from seeking help here. I know I didn't. The ones with negative opinions usually are still dealing with their own stuff. No one should be judged here, we are all seeking to lead drug free lives no matter how we got there. Posting and asking questions is commendable. And there are many here who are sympathetic and truly want to help.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 1
Hey ALL! I just wanted to post because it makes me so freakin mad when people say go to a meeting. MEETINGS DON'T GET YOU SOBER!!! I promise I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I tried quitting over and over and over and no matter how bad I wanted to stay sober - I couldn't pull it off. I would detox off opiates - withdrawals for days - then a few days later I would start using again. People would say I didn't want it bad enough! ********! When you are a real dope fein (ME) you cannot manage the decision to stay away from the stuff. I got sober 1/28/11 and I am finally free. I didn't do it by going to a meeting, I did it because I found a group of people that took me through the steps - not 1 a month either - I did them quickly, like the Big Book said to do. I spend my time sponsoring other addicts now (the 12th step). If you're out there and you're sick of doing dope message me. I would love to help you. I don't keep myself sober today, GOD is doing that for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 683
Dragon, I was taking Dilaudid for Chronic pain until I realized it was taking over my life. I was able to quit it and I'm out of shape and in my mid 40's. I won't lie to you and tell you it was easy. On the contrary, it was bad... But only for 5 days. It was a little rough for the next week but manageable. Within 2 weeks I no longer had any physical W/D. I had been taking the meds for quite a while too which made the W/D painful- nearly 80mg a day!
Now, I'm going to provide full disclosure here. I went back on oxy 2 months later because of my chronic pain condition *BUT* I went 60 days dang it. I have some serious medical issues that will require major back surgery (as soon as I can afford it). I told my Pain Management Doc everything and he put me on a low dose.
Currently, I'm clean and intend to stay this way until I have my surgery. I told myself I was going to do this on my terms and not the docs. I have pain 24 hours a day but right now, despite the pain I really like where I am. I have control and not my pain medication. Imagine what it would be like to not have your life revolve around your DOC? Have feelings, emotions, have sex, go to the bathroom on a regular basis. Those little things really add up buddy! Right now I'm there and YOU CAN BE THERE TOO!
Now, If you have no medical condition that requires these meds, YOU CAN DO THIS!
Ask yourself if you want to do this on your terms or the terms that the local Sherif dictates? How are you going to support your family from county? Not trying to be an ass about it, just trying to be real about it.
Being former law enforcement, I've seen what happens to families when things get out of hand.
Now, I'm going to provide full disclosure here. I went back on oxy 2 months later because of my chronic pain condition *BUT* I went 60 days dang it. I have some serious medical issues that will require major back surgery (as soon as I can afford it). I told my Pain Management Doc everything and he put me on a low dose.
Currently, I'm clean and intend to stay this way until I have my surgery. I told myself I was going to do this on my terms and not the docs. I have pain 24 hours a day but right now, despite the pain I really like where I am. I have control and not my pain medication. Imagine what it would be like to not have your life revolve around your DOC? Have feelings, emotions, have sex, go to the bathroom on a regular basis. Those little things really add up buddy! Right now I'm there and YOU CAN BE THERE TOO!
Now, If you have no medical condition that requires these meds, YOU CAN DO THIS!
Ask yourself if you want to do this on your terms or the terms that the local Sherif dictates? How are you going to support your family from county? Not trying to be an ass about it, just trying to be real about it.
Being former law enforcement, I've seen what happens to families when things get out of hand.
Titanium
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Tolland County, CT
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by Roxyblues
Sober in AA and still smoking crack. Reading shut like this discourages me and makes me wonder if anyone in AA is really sober or if it really works.
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