Spica

Since it looks like I am in for yet another sleepless night I guess I might as well begin my post.

I originally turned to opiates in 2006. At first they were prescribed and I took them sparingly for aches and pains from a very aggressive sport I was involved in but this eventually progressed to oxy 30mgs (thanks to a “friend” of mine – NOT).

Apparently, my “friend” had many great connections. It didn't take long before I started to increase my dosage and I became alarmed at the ongoing spike in my usage. In 2008 I visited this board and received some great advice on switching to suboxone. The first four or five months after the switch were great but I did not continue to follow up with the NA group I met with and became complacent.

Somtime around month five I was having a great day and thought, “Opiates aren't so bad - I am only going to do a few to reward myself for doing so well” and convinced myself that I would be able to stop just as easily as I did when I went on the subs the first time. It took me only a moment to call an old connection and they were, of course, more than happy to help.

Needless to say, my usage blew out of control after that. After switching back and forth from subs to oxy (up to ~ 750mg a day at one point) over the next three years and draining all my accounts and savings and isolating myself from everyone and everything I cared about I finally had to admit I have a disease I cannot control on my own.

I took my last 30mg oxy on the 11th of this month (last Sunday) and settled in for what I knew was going to be a long miserable detox. No substitutions this time – I need to get all of the poison out of my system and re-researched all the articles I could about opiate detox.

The first seven days were brutal. When I could finally sit up for a while I spent my time reading all the posts here and it helped tremendously to hear how many other people have been going through the detox process to get clean from everything. These posts have been the only things that kept me going. I made it to an NA meeting and picked up my white key tag yesterday when I was finally strong enough to leave the house for an hour.

I also found out that the ninth day of detox can sometimes be as miserable as the third day of detox…and projectile vomiting – man, is that fun…

I am now going on day 10 and am wondering how many more days I can go without sleep before I have some kind of psychotic break. (I did manage to log one hour today…yay).

One of life’s little ironies…I broke my ankle in three places in May (scary-nasty injury – bones sticking out all over the place) and after three operations was bed ridden for three months. I am now the proud owner of thirteen steel pins and two plates. Go figure that the one time I could legitimately walk into any pain clinic with an X-ray and cop the drugs I lived for I have decided to go on an aspirin only regimen…

At any rate, while I am ashamed that I managed to scoop to new lows I am grateful that was I able to find my way back to this forum and NA.

Kahlia

Welcome back, Spica...I, too was an opiate user..mine was Dilaudids......hmmmm. I was also introduded by a friend? My Dr. He loved me enough to give me 8mg Dilaudids for my back after I had 2 discs out and even tho I knew how powerful they were, the addict in my said "take em" Just that simple. It is a long road but glad you are also on the aspirin regimien...I am on the "nothing" regimen! lol.................

Blessings,
Kahlia

Impurrfect

(((Spica))) - glad you found your way back here. I abused the opiates, in the past, but then discovered crack and that took me to a really new low.

SR and support of people who love me has been a huge help. I think the sleep issue with the opiates is one of the last things to work itself out. I don't know, personally, as I didn't have withdrawals, for whatever reason, from the opiates but I've read a lot of posts here about "when am I going to sleep?!?!"

It takes the body/brain a while to get used to NOT having all the extra chemicals in it, but it does happen.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Spica

Thanks, Kahlia and Imperrfect, this whole process has been a nightmare but seeing how many people are continuing to suffer through detox and PAWS and share their experience and determination greatly helps to keep me thinking I can do this.

I am not going to lie - this is incredibly uncomfortable and there are times I begin to feel hopeless but can't go back to the addiction - regardless of what the hell my brain screams at me.

Mid way through day 10 - still a long way to go - still feels like the first week. I just have to keep repeating, this too shall pass, even if I do not believe it at this moment...

FT

Hi Pat,

I'm so sorry you've been suffering even at day 9. I was over the worst but still very sick at 9 days. I was shocked that I was not feeling good at the end of the first week! Lordy.

As to the sleep, it has been shown that prolonged insomnia does cause some people to have a psychotic break, but usually only if they are already predisposed. Some people take non-addictive sleep meds from their doc. Have you thought of asking for something? Some people also like Melatonin, but it only works in dark, cool rooms. I'm not kidding, I didn't believe it either until I took a university course that went over "sleep hygiene". OTC sleep meds work for some, but never did for me.

I didn't take anything for sleep because none of that stuff works for me. By the end of the second week, I'd only slept for brief bursts where I didn't even know I was asleep -- it was more like hallucinating. By the end of the 2nd week, I was finally sleeping, but not for long periods. It was one of my worse things in detox.

Don't hesitate to ask you doc, because you are right about the deleterious effects of prolonged sleeplessness.

Good luck. I hope you can get some comfort from our company, for what it's worth.

FT

Kahlia

I know my brain lies to me.....I still every once in awhile even after 11 years will say to myself.....I could use a "high feeling". It is a lie. Just that simple. I have to STOP and SKID.
Meaning Stop and ask myself why am I feeling that way. What has happened that day, am I sad, lonely, angry etc. I am sorry after 9 days , you are still feeling bad , also. Hopefully, you will feel better soon, keep you chin up. Do something to lift your spirits. Do you meditate....can you at this point.....it is a great stress reliever....there are books at the library that can help you or a self help tape just to relax you...........

Blessings,
Kahlia

Spica

Thanks all. I just got back from a meeting and one of the members shared about their early recovery and metioned almost no sleep for two months. Several other people nodded and mentioned that no one died from lack of sleep...

No funds for a Dr. visit right now so only aspirin.

I need to commit the past ten days to memory - I never want to live through this again. Not to mention getting back out into the real world again and rebuilding from scratch...sigh...

Spica

What natural methods worked for all of you when the racing thoughts and anxiety started in full swing?

Should I try valerian root or kava kava? I have hot tea and have been taking lots of hot showers and trying to get as much exercise in as possible (not much right now considering I used to strength train and ride my bike 12 miles a day before the oxys took over - now I am lucky if I am able to make it around the block).

RubyRose

Hi Spica! I know only too well the horrible w/d from opiates. I had a long history of pain med use that ended in oxycontin abuse as well. I did just like you are - on the couch, barely able to move for what seems like forever. But it's not forever!! That was over 2 years ago for me and I have been clean ever since.

You can do it, all the w/d feelings will go away slowly, but they will. The energy level takes awhile. I remember walking in what felt like agony at the time looking down at my feet and saying literally, out loud with every step :You.Can.Do.It.One.More. Step.Now. til I got to the store, in the store, all the way home and that was a major outing for the day. Back on the couch fast.

Don't expect to feel back to normal for a while. The horrible 'flu' like sick will go away first but the climb back up to normal will take time, effort, support and patience.

It's all worth it tho, I just had the best 2 years of my life and I love the feeling of strength and freedom of knowing I can go anywhere and do anything I want for the next 2 years and the next 2 after that and who knows what wonderful experiences are waiting out there that only sober people are going to find!!

...Ruby...

Spica

I appreciate that RubyRose, I just left my NA meeting and I was able to meet two people who were in my shoes a couple of years ago like you. They sat with me and talked to me about all of their experiences and how they got better.

Day 10 still have some shakes but not as debilitating. Not going to share about the tummy stuff - it looks like we all know that part too well.

The one thing I do have that no one else seems to have mentioned in the threads I read was tinnitus (ear ringing). Now that I am going on day 12 it seems to finally be fading a bit and moving slowly to my right ear. For the last 11 days it was really loud. I noticed it when I was on the oxy but was surprised that it has lasted this long.

Thank you everyone for sharing - I want to be one of the 3%. That still scares the hell out of me!!!