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I relapsed because of a bitch

Old 09-20-2011, 12:05 AM
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I relapsed because of a bitch

i was clean for a week and feeling optimistic and scheduled my days out and filled them in with events to keep myself busy. i made plans with this girl to hang out and watch a movie later that night. Of course, like all of the girls i try making plans with, she ******* flakes like a dirty head of dandruff. this happens ALL THE ******* TIME, and i keep telling myself that i am done with women, but then i just end up trying later on when i see hope then keep getting crushed.


i was going to pick up a shift at work if she told me she couldn't make it, but instead i was left bored at home with emotions and feeling lonely all over again. i ******* hate living alone, i ******* hate having no friends, and ultimately i ******* HATE attempting to find something in women that is useless. She asked for a raincheck.......**** your raincheck dummy.

i swear on my ******* LIFE that i am 100% done with women this time and that my ONLY significant other will be MUSIC. i will cuddle with music, TALK to my music, and even **** my piano if i have to. the ONLY relationship i will ever have is between me and art, forget "love" (god i ******* hate that word).
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Old 09-20-2011, 12:21 AM
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Hi again


I'm sorry...I know you're angry right now - it's rough when we look forward to something and then it doesn't happen, especially when we're trying to stay clean and sober...

But...it's really not her fault you used tho, is it?

Have you got an support to turn to when things like this happen?

I had a hell of a lot of bad things happen to me in early recovery, and because I would always get wasted when bad things happened, I had my work cut out for me to stay focused and make different choices.

A support network - whether it's a recovery group, counselling or what - people to talk to, people who appreciate how hard it is to stay sober in the early days, people who could give me good advice about how to stay clean and help me learn life skills rather than point me back to drugs and booze...all that was pretty vital for me.

try not a dwell on what happened. You made a mistake.
Try and put stuff in place so that can't happen again.

You can do this

D
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Old 09-20-2011, 03:09 AM
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What the hell is your problem? Calling women the B word is NOT COOL man. In fact it's completely ignorant and disrespectful.

Perhaps the reason you can't get a steady date is that you seem to have absolutely no respect for women. Women do not exist to please you because you're a man. Women are beautiful, they are at LEAST our equals and they deserve complete respect. In fact, I've always thought that women possess many traits that make them superior to men (in general). For example, if Moses was a woman, the Jews would have found their way out of the desert in five days by asking for directions instead of forty years.

Jeez, I'm gay and even I can tell you that. And just so you know, I'm not one of those feminine gays either. I'm telling you all of this because it's the cold hard truth.

So you have had a tough time finding a steady date. GET OVER IT. It happens to the best of us, in fact, even *I* have a challenging time finding a hot fulfilling date (shocking as it is). =P

Really WMB, your post is ridiculous and OFFENSIVE. No one forced you to relapse, that very notion is an insult to the intelligence. You relapsed because you let your circumstances **** you off so bad you used it as an excuse TO relapse. Wow. Really dude, if you're gonna relapse every single time you get stood up, prepare for a very long and painful recovery!

I'm not saying I'm above a relapse, I'm not. But the very fact that you call all women the B word in your post title is self-explanatory, you obviously don't respect women. So how the hell do you ever expect a woman to respect you?

Grow the hell up. Not all women are B's, and not all men are selfish irresponsible self-absorbed dicks.
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Old 09-20-2011, 03:40 AM
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Wow. Thanks nightsd, you put that very eloquently. As for Wantsmyselfback, I think you have ALOT of work to do before you even think about dating. The girl may have had a perfectly viable reason for asking for a raincheck, and YOU should be honored that she bothered to ask for a raincheck instead of just flat out no showing on you. You seem pretty full of yourself dude. I think that the girl probably doesn't know how lucky she is to have cancelled if that is the kind of attitude you have about women.
Water seeks its own level.....just sayin'........

Instead of sitting home griping about women and having no friends and just vegging out feeling sorry for yourself engrossed in your beloved music...why don't you get out of your own head, get off your butt and go volunteer at the Veterans facility or a soup kitchen. A little gratitude never hurt anyone......
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Old 09-20-2011, 06:28 AM
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WantMyselfBack,
You need to look in the mirror. While I do not know you, by your post I can tell a few things...
1. Projection - yes you know what this is.
2. Your addict brain won. You listened to it.
3. This is what addict brain does, blame everyone else.

Before you lash out again, you absolutely need to take an inventory of what you've done, what you're doing now, and what you intend to do.

Give yourself a break, and re-evaluate. Now that you've used once - STOP NOW!!!!!
You're over the hump and using for a day is not going to take you back to day 1! It's minor. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!
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Old 09-20-2011, 06:58 AM
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I am a woman and I did not take offense although the above posts have some pretty amazing messages if you can allow yourself to not take it personal.

I really felt your deep despair and am so sorry. I'm glad you have your music to get you through. You can do this. You can live sober. Hey! You'll make a better partner for someone when you get back to the real you. Who are you anyway? You'll won't know till you get sober but you sound like you have amazing potential. You sound like you really wanna do it!
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Old 09-20-2011, 07:15 AM
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You used because you haven't yet learned how to deal with life on life's terms. Are you involved in a program in which to learn those things?
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Old 09-20-2011, 07:17 AM
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Hi Wantmyselfback, When I was in the throes of my addiction, I blamed every drink I took on someone else. They made me pour that alcohol down my throat. They said the wrong thing, they hurt my feelings, they said I had a problem. I could go on forever....the TRUTH is, you took the drug......you made the decision, and only you can fix this. I had a lot of anger.....until I worked on that, I kept drinking. The responsibility is yours...not some girl that cancelled a date.

I don't know if you have any form of support.....you may want to look into N/A, counseling or another program of your choosing.



Best Wishes To You!
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Old 09-20-2011, 07:26 AM
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MANY years ago I was quite over weight and didn't think highly of myself. Women treated me poorly too. My life was not very good at all. I felt like I was worthless.
I decided one day that I was done with that. My life began again when I got up one morning and looked in the mirror.
Now, When I say I looked in the mirror - I took inventory and SERIOUSLY looked at what I was doing. I also decided what I was going to do about it.

I began working on myself one day at a time. I did not think about what the goal was long term but what my goal was for the day.
I started on a diet and after a couple of MONTHS I began working out. After 6 months of the one day at a time thing, I finally got on a scale and then went out and bought new pants. I noticed that after the 6 months thing I had a few new friends along with a smaller waist.
I didn't stop working out despite the time needed to do it.

By the one year anniversary, I was 90lbs thinner, had serval GREAT friends!
By month 14 I met this woman. She was amazing!!!!!!! We dated for a year and a half and I MARRIED the woman of my dreams. I was promoted at work, moved to another state, made new friends, and bought a house with the WOMAN of my DREAMS! Life was good until my health issues.
Guess what, I was dealt another blow 10 years later... My serious health issues and MY addiction to prescription medication.

In a way, I reset the clock with my old self. Back to square one.
Here I am now 12 years after "working out" and reinventing myself.... Reinventing myself all over again because my addiction got the better of me.
This time it's even harder. It's not a matter of just going to the gym. It's a matter of detoxing, feeling like total cr@p, working on my marital relationship, looking for employment, paying the mortgage, looking back and then looking forward to what I have to live for.
It's been a very hard road but I'm not about to lose the most important things in my life over my addiction.

The greatest lesson I learned in life is that people will not like you if you do not like yourself. When you work hard on yourself, it sends the message to others that you are a person of quality and confidence. Women admire and are attracted to confident and hard working men who aren't self absorbed @sZh0les!

All you gals reading this - please back me up here??????

So, with what I've said in this post. I hope our OP will take some of this to heart. You're life will begin when YOU fix YOURSELF first. Everything else wonderful will follow after that.

Your new life does not begin simply because you quit drugs. It begins when you decide you are worth more than your addiction.
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Old 09-20-2011, 07:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Symmetry View Post
I am a woman and I did not take offense although the above posts have some pretty amazing messages if you can allow yourself to not take it personal.

I really felt your deep despair and am so sorry. I'm glad you have your music to get you through. You can do this. You can live sober. Hey! You'll make a better partner for someone when you get back to the real you. Who are you anyway? You'll won't know till you get sober but you sound like you have amazing potential. You sound like you really wanna do it!
thank you for the positive affirmation and understanding where i am coming from and not taking offense. I was not blaming my relapse on anyone but myself. obviously the reason i relapsed was because my schedules was thrown off, and an event i was looking forward to got cancelled. You guys do not know this girl like i know her, and she IS a bitch. i do not generalize and call all women bitches. if someone called a guy an as*hole does that mean they are talking about all the men in the world?

anyway the point of that post was to vent if you didn't notice by all of the steam that i blew off. you guys know nothing of the patterns and cycles that my life keeps going through, so i won't hold your comments against you and let your posts get to me just because you feel the need to defend a woman who you don't even know .

and i believe that my stance on not dealing with women is a very healthy one for myself. Obviously it is not good to rely on someone else for happiness, but my music and poetry will ALWAYS be there, so forget another unreliable human being when i have expression through my love for art instead of my love for another person.

i do not have a support system or anyone to talk to about my problems, and i would prefer to keep it that way because if i talk freely of my emotions, i would probably get the same responses from others that i got on here. Anyway, now that i've vented and have already relapsed, i see no need for my presence anymore.

peace.
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Old 09-20-2011, 07:52 AM
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Wantsmyselfback wrote, "obviously the reason i relapsed was because my schedules was thrown off"
Well, guess what buddy, there is nothing convenient about recovery. As a matter of fact it is just the opposite and for good reason. If recovery was a walk in the park, there would be no reason to quit. Recovery is absolutely all about the inconveniences because you are forced to re-train your brain to deal with the reality of life. Life is gonna suck for a while and it is going to throw you some serious curve balls. ***BUT***!!!!!!!! Life is going to throw you some roses too!

If I may, please take 30 minutes to watch the following. There is a line in this short film that will bring tremendous clarity to your situation. When the Ring Leader says it, you will know EXACTLY what it is....

Short Film | The Butterfly Circus
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Old 09-20-2011, 08:27 AM
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WMB,

A couple years ago, I could've, and maybe i even DID write exactly the post you did, but insert "man" instead b****. And believe me that man was as bad as I thought he was. Which makes me wonder why I gave a crap about him, and why, if indeed he WAS a reason I used, I would allow him that much power.

I used to think, as I got wasted, how ironic it was that he, a recovering addict, was the reason I was doing that to myself.

Many times during that relationship I tried to stop, both using AND the relationship. I told myself I didn't need him (I have a sex/relationship addiction too) and I'd just replace him (and the booze, drugs, food) with something I could count on. (cutting) I am NOT kidding, that was how my mind functioned.

Then I had to give up cutting or I was going to get thrown out of my house and into the psych ward...so then what. I decided to throw myself into my art and pets, because my pets loved me no matter what and being a hopeless addict and terminally depressed and then manic, was "cool", excepted and understood in the art world.

I was looking for the people around me to validate my behavior, and got got p**** as s*** when they didn't. When they had the nerve to suggest there might be a better solution. Not one that was more convenient for them, but one that would give me some real options in life.

I decided to swear off men, forever. I decided to stop eating and lost 60 pounds in four months. See, putting the things I played out my addictions with...men, food, cutting, really didn't address my problems. I was angry, sad, felt hopeless, isolated, went off by myself into all sorts of risky situations thinking "they'll be sorry, one day when they find my dead body and all my amazing art, poetry and writing, they'll say to themselves...why didn't we realize what a genius she was? Why didn't we TAKE BETTER CARE OF HER?"

Fast forward a few months. I got into NA (I was, again, afraid to lose my place to live) and I started to transfer my issues to the people in NA...how do they expect me to stay clean, that b**** didn't even call back. My sponsor is bats**** crazy, I don't like the way so and so looks at me in a meeting, when I told them how I felt, they didn't get all riled up with me, they told me to stop worrying what everyone around me did and work my program. Wow, seemed everyone in my life was cold and no one cared if I made it or not.

Fast forward six months. I was told not to come home, so much for my art and my pets. I lost my home, family, friends, belongings, and financial support. People are so cold. I had a problem, couldn't they see it wasn't my fault? couldn't they just take care of me, fix me?

The thing was, no they couldn't. Their best efforts, love and attempts to soothe me did no good. They saw that long before I did. The people in NA knew that they couldn't fix me, and if I was not willing to set my anger aside long enough to consider what they were saying, that there was nothing more they could do. All they had to offer was their own experience, and I didn't care about anyone's experience except my own.

Fast forward six months. Me sitting in my one room, rocking back and forth on my bed, swigging out of a bottle and popping valium and benedryl, praying for sleep.

Fast forward six months, I have some goldfish and plants by then, I found a way to make art out of garbage since my supplies are gone. There is really no one around me to blame my desperation on, though I find a few that I can claim are the guilty party..my boss who snapped at me at work, my ex who wouldn't send me money (that b*****d) and finally myself, because it's starting to dawn on me that I am the common denominator in these experiences,and I'm starting to see that all those losers and credents are getting on with their lives, and those cold hearted NA people are still clean and I am still a strung out hopeless addict. Obviously I am a desperate case, the one who is too far gone to get and stay sober...so I overdose because I can't bear to wake up another day with myself, and my pointless life.

I didn't plan well enough, because of course I was wasted when I made my decision and someone called the ambulance and I lived.

Fast forward four months. I'm clean. I am not blaming anyone for my behavior, not even me. I'm an addict. I truly was insane, terrified, hopeless and had no reasonable ways to address life. But I am also and adult, and believe it or not, there are people out there who still care about me and are telling me there is hope. And I am working a program that is teaching me how to address life, rather than try to make it all go away. And I am starting to believe there is hope, and I see why I acted like I did before, and most importantly I see why it didn't work and that there are ways I can act that will get me closer to where I want to be. I have less money, because I am paying ambulance and hospital bills. But that really isn't anyone's fault (I was blaming them on the person who called 911 at first).

The world is what it is. My boss still snaps and my ex...lets not go there...but I can act differently. Before I merely reacted to everything going on around me, some days I was estatic, only a few hours later to dive into a black depression over some tiny slight. I find that happening less and less now that I am able to do a reality check.

The world didn't change, but I changed my behavior and the ways I react to the things going on around me.

In two months time, it'll be another six months, and I'll check back in with you and let you know how things are going.
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Old 09-20-2011, 08:31 AM
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Oops....stumbled through the minefield here, eh?

I hope we all feel better now that we have vented. Perhaps a little compassion for those whose view of the world is not qiute in line with ours.

Although I must admit I have problems understanding the use of the word "relapse" in certain situations. I was told it meant returning to a former state, which might imply some change had taken effect. Of course I am not just refering to being sober for a week. (That is certainly a step in the right direction) But what changes are being made in your life ie; attitudes, beliefs and behaviors?
Kinda contradictory to think we relapse just because we didn't use for a couple days, but I never hear anyone mention working on recovery while still using. Which is exactly what I did for many years. Perhaps I was stubborn or foolish or just plain stupid, but it wasn't until I made absolute changes that I was able to "not pick up".
Recovery is so much more than sobriety and it starts in the heart, then the head will follow.
different paths for different people, I hope yours gets you where you want to go.

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Old 09-20-2011, 09:15 AM
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It sounds like you used because you're an untreated addict.

If it wasn't her, it would be something or someone else to blame. For me, the excuses to use, good or bad, were infinite. My addiction is happy to take whatever reasons it can get.

Also, the more it can get me pissed off at people, the better. Isolation benefits my disease -- it wants to separate me from the pack so it can slaughter me.

So many of us come in toxically resentful. We are angry at the world and angry at ourselves. Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more addicts than anything else.

The anger, guilt and shame drive us deeper into the mire, where it seems there is no escape but to use again, telling the world to f*uck off. Either people will do things our way, or they should leave us alone to die, right? But we can't wish these feelings away anymore than we can wish the addiction away, right?

Yet, there is a solution. I found a way out -- freedom, happiness and joyfulness on the other side.

I got dead tired of being driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, and then having to face the consequences for my actions, which usually weren't what I wanted either.

It was no way to live, clean or using.

If you're interested in surviving, not just in getting free from the hell of the drug cycle, but experiencing life in an entirely new way, you may seriously want to consider abandoning yourself to a program of recovery.

Best gift ever.

With much love,

SIU
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Old 09-20-2011, 10:39 AM
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I once called myself a feminist until I realized that the term was being subverted to mean things other than what I stood for.

But I gotta tell ya, I'm STILL one helluva b!tch.

Ha!

FT
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Old 09-20-2011, 10:41 AM
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Sorry to say if you have read the posts I hope you now realize you have some serious issues to work on. We have all had our relationship issues what would you expect from those of us that suffer with substance abuse issues. We are either a work in progress or we are destined to face disaster. Man up and quit your sniveling. Quit using the woman as your excuse to get loaded.
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Old 09-20-2011, 11:01 AM
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Originally Posted by IvanKatz View Post
Wantsmyselfback wrote, "obviously the reason i relapsed was because my schedules was thrown off"
Well, guess what buddy, there is nothing convenient about recovery. As a matter of fact it is just the opposite and for good reason. If recovery was a walk in the park, there would be no reason to quit. Recovery is absolutely all about the inconveniences because you are forced to re-train your brain to deal with the reality of life. Life is gonna suck for a while and it is going to throw you some serious curve balls. ***BUT***!!!!!!!! Life is going to throw you some roses too!

If I may, please take 30 minutes to watch the following. There is a line in this short film that will bring tremendous clarity to your situation. When the Ring Leader says it, you will know EXACTLY what it is....

Short Film | The Butterfly Circus
"The greater the struggle,
the more great is the triumph"


THANKS, IVANKATZ

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Old 09-20-2011, 11:01 AM
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A little puzzled if she was such a bitch why did you ask her for a date in the first place.
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Old 09-20-2011, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by lilotto View Post
A little puzzled if she was such a bitch why did you ask her for a date in the first place.
because i am LONELY and emotionally vulnerable in my early stages of recovery. I try to accept others how they are and realize that some people just have qualities that i dislike, but i try not to completly rule them out as bad because of one characteristic....it is that way of thinking that makes me relapse.

The majority of my day i am by myself with my dog. Even when i am out and about i barely have any interactions with people. my job is pretty much my social life because that is just about the only time that i talk to people. It is a mental fight everyday when you are a recovering addict and live alone, and every attempt you make with someone to hang out with gets denied for one reason or another.

i just seek someone to pass the time with....someone who can relate to me and understand where i am coming from. i am not clingy, actually the opposite, because i know girls dont find that attractive......but in reality i just want to hug, kiss, and cuddle with someone who is there for me.
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Old 09-20-2011, 11:45 AM
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Not all Women

I know that you are angry and I understand- in the middle of a similar situation also- tempt to say **** it too!!! But I am going to try to hold on so I want you too also !!!!!
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