djensen

I was just thinking about something and it made perfect sense to me now that I have clearer thoughts, (Day 11).

My wife was told by all her friends that have children that she would have "mommy amnesia" a few months after having a baby. This meant that after that time she would forget how much pain and suffering it was and maybe try it again.(we didnt, one and done for us!).

This I believe is the same way our brains work, we go through the detox and the WD's and all that crap to get off the dope, but then a few weeks or months down the road our minds start "helping" us forget how bad it was and we start thinking about using again, Addict Amnesia.....

I believe a lot of relapses happen for this exact reason, nothing more....

Thoughts anyone?

MelissaNoDrugs

We just talk ourselves into stuff. We shut off the rational part of our brain. I believe it takes profound personal pain to keep amnesia away. Like, I still occassionally think about using, not much these days, but still, when the thought pops up I try to go back to the pain. It's like getting burned by fire, you have to get burned to know one should not stick their finger over a flame.

That's not to say we learn our lessons easy. We don't. Addicts for the most part learn lessons the hardest way, if we're lucky enough to even a learn a lesson.

djensen

Very true, I didnt look at it that way, nicely stated Melissa!!

Marcus

I don't think I forget how bad it was (although memories do fade a bit with time). For me it is more telling myself the lie that this time is somehow going to be different then the last 27 times (never is, never was, and never will be). Somehow I am magically going to be able to control it this time or just have one.

djensen

Right, thats exactly what I was thinking. Like its going to be different the second time around, I dont think so! Its just a strange thought process that was bouncing around in my head and it makes sense in one area and is totally false in others....

MelissaNoDrugs

Believe it or not, there is an entire galaxy of drug abuse beyond the point of, "OK I admit I cant control it and it won't be any different."

I remember the last few times I didn't even pretend to lie to myself, I already knew how it would end, I just did it anyway. Point being, there is no cold splash to the face, no wake up call, no final bottom, that's the insane part. One man's bottom is another man's top, or something like that.

Impurrfect

(((DJ))) - I still remember how bad I was when I relapsed. Doesn't mean that I don't still have the occasional thoughts of numbing out the world, but when I first began recovery, I made myself think of my relapse when cravings would come, and my mind automatically goes there when thoughts come up.

So far, that is proof enough of where I'll end up if I go back down that road, and reading some stories on here is even further proof. It's worked for 4-1/2 years, so I'll continue to do what I need to to keep from having addict amnesia

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

doggonecarl

I don't know if the problem for me is forgetting how bad it was or never forgetting how good my DOC made me feel.

oxyious

Hell, it's easy to forget on day 5 when all the puking and intense symptoms are over but you're still suffering a little bit. Thats why I journaled EVERYTHING, including when/where I projectile vomited, that could barely swallow from tossing my cookies so much, how I stunk from all the sweating.... (yeah, I got very detailed because IT IS THAT EASY to forget).

Before my first real detox (with no subutex or anything to help) I was an AVID NON PUKER, I would do ANYTHING to avoid vomiting-- I feared vomiting more than brain surgery. I would have stood on my head, while juggling 10 balls with my feet and receiting the bible backwards to avoid it...... Once I Detoxed a few times, I got so use to it, I could look at the trash can and puke on cue. It was disgusting.

Peter

People with amnesia genuinely can't remember anything.

It's not that i could not remember how bad my using was. it's just that the thought of getting high was a far more powerful memory....

djensen

wow, nice posts everyone, this brought out some interesting topics and opinions!! Love it!!!

Spica

I remember when I first transitioned to suboxone in 2008 the process was easier than I had expected. I went back to work and acted like nothing happened. I think that the ease of that transition and the fact that I was not doing any real maintenance work (NA, posting on line) to keep me focused on just how insidious oxy really is did me in.

Sometimes it is too easy to forget the bad things when you are feeling good.

I am paying for it this time. Big Time. Still sick after 9 days. And reading that there is only a 3% success rate scares the hell out of me...

FT

Hey Spica,

You can turn that 3% into 100% for your own statistic, just by doing this and doing it right.

Personally, I am not going to be in the 97% group who fail.

Sucky statistic. Remember that statistics only come out of the studies of groups who have been selected to be studied. While the stats may be accurate, you may not even fit the profile of the groups who were studied.

I don't think I am. I am a self selected non-opiate user, and I have NO intention of EVER getting addicted to opiates again. Period.

You can do it, too.

At 9 days, it sucks. In a week, you'll look back at your 9th day and be glad you toughed it out. It really does get better every day. I'm at 9 months clean, and it is STILL getting better. Read PAWS and you'll see why. I didn't want to believe the PAWS data, not ME I thought. But opiates really are serious business, and it's no wonder it takes as long to fully recover as it does.

But recovery has to start with day 1 like it or not. Day 9, hey -- piece of cake compared to day 3, at least to my memory.

Keep up the good work.

FT

Stride34

As FT said, statistics don't apply as each individual person is different. Also, what is that 3% implying? That 97 out of 100 drug addicts who commit themselves to sobriety end up relapsing into active addiction after some time? There's no way I believe that, the success rate is significantly higher. In fact, I think the majority of people that take sobriety somewhat seriously are able to avoid relapse, it's those that don't take it seriously or have other unaddressed issues going on that end up relapsing over and over. There are way too many variables involved to come up with any sort of accurate number though.

SteppingItUp

Yes.

Stride34

That number's whack, not even close.

MelissaNoDrugs

I've heard many statistics contradict each other, and frankly how can you trust an addict to tell you the truth when they're using? Even if 97% of addicts relapse in recovery, the fact they would try again is all that counts, IMO. It's like calculating how many times we failed before succeeding to put a man on the moon.

As long as someone wants to be clean it doesn't matter if they relapse. There's no shame in relapsing. Only in not trying. And if you're gonna relapse you owe it to yourself to learn something from the experience or you will no doubt do it again.


In outpatient my counselor told me rehab success rate (national average) was somewhere around 55-60% if I recall correctly. But how do you really track that stuff? I mean, most of those people were court-ordered by a Judge, they had to stay clean or go to jail. So yeah, the success rate will go up when a jail cell awaits. But what about after the program? There are no clear figures as to lifelong sobriety. And active users will not be taking time out of their busy day to participate in a survey.

I couldn't tell you how many times I relapsed, gotta be somewhere around a hundred. Does that mean I failed? We get caught up in these numbers, relapse frequency, statistics, clean time, how many months, years, it's all meaningless.

djensen

It is all a bunch of numbers, clean, sober, relapse, percentages.. UGH!!!!! I just concentrate on one number, the date today, thats it!

sbaybay

If that ain't the truth! I went earlier this year for 2 months without anything and was feeling amazing but ended up getting some surgery done and was offered pain pills. I declined but it got so bad I called in and my fiance had control of them, well eventually I got control and thats how I started again. Oh no it'll be fine this time its okay but it got worse for me, fast.

Impurrfect

I don't go by statistics, at all. I was a die-hard crack addict, knew several others who were the same, as well as my d-boys, who were weed addicts. Not ONE of us was ever included in any statistics.

I was told, by a SWAT member who used to come in my restaurant, that I was blessed...not many people recovered from a crack addiction. I've got 4-1/2 years, and plan on keeping that clean time 'til the day I die.

I believe there are a lot of people like me..we just do what we gotta do to stay in recovery, and statistics be damned.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy