Kicking the oxys -Part 4
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Kicking the oxys -Part 4
Here is a fresh page please do continue to share
To catch up with the last part...click here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-3-a-18.html
Hope everyone is moving forward....
To catch up with the last part...click here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-3-a-18.html
Hope everyone is moving forward....
Last edited by CarolD; 09-17-2011 at 08:46 AM.
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
Hi everyone!
I hope you're all having a great day.
I've been traveling a lot over these last few weeks, spending time in some fantastic world class cities, seeing some amazing old friends, making some great new friends and contacts, rubbing elbows with actors and rockstars, and now -- although a bit jet lagged -- on my way to the beaches of the Mediterranean.
This life is such an adventure. At least, that's how I've been coming to see it over these last couple of years. Tomorrow, if my HP wills it, I'll be celebrating two and a half years clean, which is unbelievable to me. Where things went, I couldn't go a day, a morning, an afternoon, an evening, a night, a few hours without using. I couldn't stand the way it felt to be without knowing there was something there that I could use to get high, or at least to keep me from getting sick. And still, after overlapping and substituting one drug after another from my teens through my entire adult life, eventually making it from alcohol to pot, prescription opiates (Percs/Vicodin/Oxy got me hooked from the start after a scalding accident - I'm okay, thank goodness, and no scars), to a whole ton more pills from legal prescriptions, OTC varieties and then various pills off the street, to experimental drugs (with help from a college friend, who later went on to get his Ph.D. in chemistry from a fantastic university, although when I saw him this winter to make my amends to him he was visibly twitching), to hallucinogens, plants of various sorts, cocaine, various other powders, a whole lot more garbage that I won't bore you with, followed by years of smoking heroin, more psychiatric meds and street methadone. I am seriously amazed that I am alive, let alone gratefully, happily clean today.
It's like, I think something in this universe must really want me to live, because I'm here. And I thnik something in this universe must really want me clean, because it feels like a miracle. And I think something in this universe must really love me, because all of the ancient stuff that used to be the most painful and confusing has transformed over these last years, not just in losing its power and its sting, but in becoming useful. It doesn't mean that this has all been a bed of roses, because there has been a ton of really tough stuff to get through too. In fact, it's fair to say that there has been a whole lot of that, but ultimately I've been able to stay clean and on track with my recovery through all of it. It's like, I've found that growing up (and humility), can be downright painful when I'm in the midst of it, but in the end it's always worth it because it winds up proving itself to be a gift. In my best hours, I like to think that everything is a gift, including the things I don't particularly like or understand.
I can't believe how much my attitude has changed. Before, I just wanted the whole world to f*ck off and leave me alone. I had stopped going out, I would freak out if my doorbell rang, it might take me days to work up the courage to even open my email account, and then days to work up the courage to respond to my messages, I would yell at the phone if it rang and had stopped using a cell phone all together. So, an adventure? Yes, ha! It really is.
Through my windows I can hear all sorts of very pretty, very heavy bells clanging, which tells me that I should probably get on with my day. I'm sun-kissed and intent on staying that way, the sky is bright blue, and it's warm and beautiful out. I'm heading out to enjoy it. I feel very blessed.
Really good thoughts and warmest wishes to all of you.
SIU
I hope you're all having a great day.
I've been traveling a lot over these last few weeks, spending time in some fantastic world class cities, seeing some amazing old friends, making some great new friends and contacts, rubbing elbows with actors and rockstars, and now -- although a bit jet lagged -- on my way to the beaches of the Mediterranean.
This life is such an adventure. At least, that's how I've been coming to see it over these last couple of years. Tomorrow, if my HP wills it, I'll be celebrating two and a half years clean, which is unbelievable to me. Where things went, I couldn't go a day, a morning, an afternoon, an evening, a night, a few hours without using. I couldn't stand the way it felt to be without knowing there was something there that I could use to get high, or at least to keep me from getting sick. And still, after overlapping and substituting one drug after another from my teens through my entire adult life, eventually making it from alcohol to pot, prescription opiates (Percs/Vicodin/Oxy got me hooked from the start after a scalding accident - I'm okay, thank goodness, and no scars), to a whole ton more pills from legal prescriptions, OTC varieties and then various pills off the street, to experimental drugs (with help from a college friend, who later went on to get his Ph.D. in chemistry from a fantastic university, although when I saw him this winter to make my amends to him he was visibly twitching), to hallucinogens, plants of various sorts, cocaine, various other powders, a whole lot more garbage that I won't bore you with, followed by years of smoking heroin, more psychiatric meds and street methadone. I am seriously amazed that I am alive, let alone gratefully, happily clean today.
It's like, I think something in this universe must really want me to live, because I'm here. And I thnik something in this universe must really want me clean, because it feels like a miracle. And I think something in this universe must really love me, because all of the ancient stuff that used to be the most painful and confusing has transformed over these last years, not just in losing its power and its sting, but in becoming useful. It doesn't mean that this has all been a bed of roses, because there has been a ton of really tough stuff to get through too. In fact, it's fair to say that there has been a whole lot of that, but ultimately I've been able to stay clean and on track with my recovery through all of it. It's like, I've found that growing up (and humility), can be downright painful when I'm in the midst of it, but in the end it's always worth it because it winds up proving itself to be a gift. In my best hours, I like to think that everything is a gift, including the things I don't particularly like or understand.
I can't believe how much my attitude has changed. Before, I just wanted the whole world to f*ck off and leave me alone. I had stopped going out, I would freak out if my doorbell rang, it might take me days to work up the courage to even open my email account, and then days to work up the courage to respond to my messages, I would yell at the phone if it rang and had stopped using a cell phone all together. So, an adventure? Yes, ha! It really is.
Through my windows I can hear all sorts of very pretty, very heavy bells clanging, which tells me that I should probably get on with my day. I'm sun-kissed and intent on staying that way, the sky is bright blue, and it's warm and beautiful out. I'm heading out to enjoy it. I feel very blessed.
Really good thoughts and warmest wishes to all of you.
SIU
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
Originally Posted by djensen 
WOW, we are on part 4 already, woohoo!!!!
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Day 11 here, started pretty rough but I am holding on by the skin of my teeth today.....
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Day 11 here, started pretty rough but I am holding on by the skin of my teeth today.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
Hey FT
of course I'm not mad at you. no way. Like I said though, we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm not having such a good day today. My daughter is still at the clinic where she has taken the steps to get rid of my grandchild. I swear it is so hard. I wanted to scream NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at her but I didn't want to put extra guilt on her when I can understand her reasons and she does have alot in front of her and she has worked hard to get where she is. It just hasn't been a good day. I'm too old to get pregnant apparently and here she is aborting one. lord help me.
Djensesn/ didn't mean to avoid ur question, just now remembered u asked how many times I had went without my dose at the clinic. Yesterday was the first time and I hope the only time but I still want to keep at least one dose just incase. I talked to my counsler today and I didn't get into trouble bc of missing yesterday. she said there were several people who didn't notice the bulliten and they were going to put up a larger one in the area we dose in.
I hope everyone has a good weekend. I'll be checkin in. love ya'll
of course I'm not mad at you. no way. Like I said though, we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm not having such a good day today. My daughter is still at the clinic where she has taken the steps to get rid of my grandchild. I swear it is so hard. I wanted to scream NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at her but I didn't want to put extra guilt on her when I can understand her reasons and she does have alot in front of her and she has worked hard to get where she is. It just hasn't been a good day. I'm too old to get pregnant apparently and here she is aborting one. lord help me.
Djensesn/ didn't mean to avoid ur question, just now remembered u asked how many times I had went without my dose at the clinic. Yesterday was the first time and I hope the only time but I still want to keep at least one dose just incase. I talked to my counsler today and I didn't get into trouble bc of missing yesterday. she said there were several people who didn't notice the bulliten and they were going to put up a larger one in the area we dose in.
I hope everyone has a good weekend. I'll be checkin in. love ya'll
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 217
Thanks Rinky, you take care of yourself, I will check in periodicallyi thru the weekend also!!!!
Hope everyone has a great weekend, I have some SERIOUS cleaning to do this weekend, YUCK!! First time deep cleaning with out my energy pills, hope this goes good!!!
Hope everyone has a great weekend, I have some SERIOUS cleaning to do this weekend, YUCK!! First time deep cleaning with out my energy pills, hope this goes good!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 218
Note to ft, so I actually took your advice and made myself go and meet a personal trainer at the gym today. I cannot express to you just HOW MUCH BETTER I FEEL. It was great. I told her everything. Cancer, hysterectomy, chemo, Oxy addiction and how a mere two years ago I was in fantastic shape. She had a similar story, and she's of similar age so the entire experience was wonderful. She was very motivating and I definitely feel really good from the workout, which I put my all into. I'm excited to be starting this journey (again) to getting back in shape instead of being of the mindset that I've been wallowing in which is that I'm too far gone to ever come back.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Finding a match
Originally Posted by Ggeo
Note to ft, so I actually took your advice and made myself go and meet a personal trainer at the gym today. I cannot express to you just HOW MUCH BETTER I FEEL. It was great. I told her everything. Cancer, hysterectomy, chemo, Oxy addiction and how a mere two years ago I was in fantastic shape. She had a similar story, and she's of similar age so the entire experience was wonderful. She was very motivating and I definitely feel really good from the workout, which I put my all into. I'm excited to be starting this journey (again) to getting back in shape instead of being of the mindset that I've been wallowing in which is that I'm too far gone to ever come back.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Nothing can replace the right match for you, the person that "clicks" with you, often the moment you meet. It sounds like your new personal trainer is that for you. FANTASTIC! This is exactly what you need. This may be ALL you need for right now. Remember to take life in small bites right now. You are still making progress, and if you don't try to tackle the world in one go, it will be so much easier.
I'm here any time you need me. You are still there inside. Now it's time to make strides to emerge, but do it gradually.
FT
3%
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Hey all, sorry I've been absent. Unbelievably sick right now. I'm still reading though. I'll be ok, just not in a posting mood at the moment. Love all of you. And when you go fishing, don't forget to bring a towel.
3%
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Actually, I do want to post. I'm having such a bad day.
So I went on a camping trip for 4 days on a stretch of river that my sister owns. It rained the last day, an I just kept fishing rain or no rain. Long story short, I caught pneumonia. I've been to the doctor every day since and am just now starting to recover(i think) but it got really bad. I have all sorts of machines going in my room and have been confined in here. My baby (infant) nephew is spending a couple days here so I am actually wrapped in a contamination curtain for the day. I've spent the past 5 years utterly alone, cooped up by myself fearing social interaction of any kind. Yet despite all that, rig now I feel so incredibly lonely. Being literally isolated has me thinking so much about my life and what the hell I'm going to do. How I will ever be able to lead a normal life. I want nothing more then a wife, kids, a house, friends, family, love and laughter. All that seems unattainable for me at this point. I am so incredibly pathetic and self-loathing that I really can't comprehend ever having those things. Conversely, ending up a grizzly old drunk, walking the streets holding a sign with some lie I can use to make a quarter seems almost all too likely. I've always felt a certain stereotype of people have made the decisions that led them there, kinda like how people tend to "look" like their names. Certain people with certain personalities end up that way, and I am falling into that category. I can imagine living that way. It's so scary, and my anxieties are preventing me from going back to school or getting a job and taking all the steps to prevent myself from becoming that man on the street. Like when on drugs, all you want to do is get high and live in your bubble. I want to be left alone, if I could I would live in a cabin in the woods and live out my days as a self-reliant hermit I would. How do I break out of that? Like I said, its been a bad day and maybe I'm just overreacting, but am I? The problems are there and I don't know what to do...no insurance anymore, no job...and I don't know if therapy can actively improve this situation. My head is so messed up right now, ill feel better tomorrow.
So I went on a camping trip for 4 days on a stretch of river that my sister owns. It rained the last day, an I just kept fishing rain or no rain. Long story short, I caught pneumonia. I've been to the doctor every day since and am just now starting to recover(i think) but it got really bad. I have all sorts of machines going in my room and have been confined in here. My baby (infant) nephew is spending a couple days here so I am actually wrapped in a contamination curtain for the day. I've spent the past 5 years utterly alone, cooped up by myself fearing social interaction of any kind. Yet despite all that, rig now I feel so incredibly lonely. Being literally isolated has me thinking so much about my life and what the hell I'm going to do. How I will ever be able to lead a normal life. I want nothing more then a wife, kids, a house, friends, family, love and laughter. All that seems unattainable for me at this point. I am so incredibly pathetic and self-loathing that I really can't comprehend ever having those things. Conversely, ending up a grizzly old drunk, walking the streets holding a sign with some lie I can use to make a quarter seems almost all too likely. I've always felt a certain stereotype of people have made the decisions that led them there, kinda like how people tend to "look" like their names. Certain people with certain personalities end up that way, and I am falling into that category. I can imagine living that way. It's so scary, and my anxieties are preventing me from going back to school or getting a job and taking all the steps to prevent myself from becoming that man on the street. Like when on drugs, all you want to do is get high and live in your bubble. I want to be left alone, if I could I would live in a cabin in the woods and live out my days as a self-reliant hermit I would. How do I break out of that? Like I said, its been a bad day and maybe I'm just overreacting, but am I? The problems are there and I don't know what to do...no insurance anymore, no job...and I don't know if therapy can actively improve this situation. My head is so messed up right now, ill feel better tomorrow.
3%
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Here's something I posted earlier..kinda explains things in detail...
One time I was running late for work. I was their best employee. I had never missed a shift and never called off. I rushed to get ready and made good time. I grabbed my keys thinking, "Whew, Its ok I can make it JUST in time." I headed towards the door and out of the corner of my eye I saw my neighbors sitting on their porch chatting and watching traffic. I stopped abruptly, and held the half turned knob still. I stood there for a second thinking in my head, "just go! JUST GO!" But there was a strong, nagging fear stopping me. I was afraid they would strike up a conversation, say anything at all to me, and I would just stand there stammering like an idiot. I didn't dislike these people. I had nothing against them whatsoever in fact. They were cool guys really, and just sitting on the porch relaxing. I stood there for 45 minutes with my forehead pressed against the door silently pleading for them to go back inside. Wondering why I was so absolutely protest to breaking that threshold, why I couldn't just go!? They would think I was weird though, akward and nervous. A fool that nobody likes, and I should be ignored from that point on."Its not a big deal! Just go you're overreacting!!" But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't convince myself long enough to open the door. I missed work that day, I told them I misread the schedule. Nobody else ever knew thats what really happened.
One time I was running late for work. I was their best employee. I had never missed a shift and never called off. I rushed to get ready and made good time. I grabbed my keys thinking, "Whew, Its ok I can make it JUST in time." I headed towards the door and out of the corner of my eye I saw my neighbors sitting on their porch chatting and watching traffic. I stopped abruptly, and held the half turned knob still. I stood there for a second thinking in my head, "just go! JUST GO!" But there was a strong, nagging fear stopping me. I was afraid they would strike up a conversation, say anything at all to me, and I would just stand there stammering like an idiot. I didn't dislike these people. I had nothing against them whatsoever in fact. They were cool guys really, and just sitting on the porch relaxing. I stood there for 45 minutes with my forehead pressed against the door silently pleading for them to go back inside. Wondering why I was so absolutely protest to breaking that threshold, why I couldn't just go!? They would think I was weird though, akward and nervous. A fool that nobody likes, and I should be ignored from that point on."Its not a big deal! Just go you're overreacting!!" But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't convince myself long enough to open the door. I missed work that day, I told them I misread the schedule. Nobody else ever knew thats what really happened.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 23
Lord give me strength!!
Well my buddy that had the heart attack opened his eyes and smiled yesterday. He went right back out, but that is encouraging.
Then this morning at 2am I get a call from my oldest boy and he's sitting in the back of a cop car, smashed up his(my old) car. Another friend of his got fawking around and went to pass my kid,(not a street to be passing on) and lost it, taking them both and a hydro pole out. Thankfully it was in town so speeds were not up too much. Of course my boy had a couple beers and blew a 12hr suspension, which at his age is 3 days.
They're both good kids and thankfully we aren't dealing with a death, and they are both able to learn from it for another day. We have to go in at 4pm for an interview with the cops and as of now it looks like the other kid is getting charged with stunt driving.
My boy is literally sick he's so scared. He has some great opportunities to play college football, and wants to be a cop, and he's worried he's screwed it all up, which he hasn't, but convincing a freaked out 17yr old of that is difficult.
My wife leaves tonight for a 7 day Caribbean cruise with the girls and she's my rock so I'm going to be challenged, dealing with all this myself. I'm not letting her know how worried I am though, if anyone deserves a worry free week away it's her.
"One day at a time" is really ringing true right now.
Well my buddy that had the heart attack opened his eyes and smiled yesterday. He went right back out, but that is encouraging.
Then this morning at 2am I get a call from my oldest boy and he's sitting in the back of a cop car, smashed up his(my old) car. Another friend of his got fawking around and went to pass my kid,(not a street to be passing on) and lost it, taking them both and a hydro pole out. Thankfully it was in town so speeds were not up too much. Of course my boy had a couple beers and blew a 12hr suspension, which at his age is 3 days.
They're both good kids and thankfully we aren't dealing with a death, and they are both able to learn from it for another day. We have to go in at 4pm for an interview with the cops and as of now it looks like the other kid is getting charged with stunt driving.
My boy is literally sick he's so scared. He has some great opportunities to play college football, and wants to be a cop, and he's worried he's screwed it all up, which he hasn't, but convincing a freaked out 17yr old of that is difficult.
My wife leaves tonight for a 7 day Caribbean cruise with the girls and she's my rock so I'm going to be challenged, dealing with all this myself. I'm not letting her know how worried I am though, if anyone deserves a worry free week away it's her.
"One day at a time" is really ringing true right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Somewhere in Florida
Posts: 129
Hi gang! Wow, alot of great posts! I'll try to respond to everyone this time. First I guess I'll update. I changed my avatar from a picture of myself smiling to someone holding a broken heart. Why? Because I feel like that. I have a broken heart. I feel completely broken in every sense of the word. I'm in such a dark place in my mind right now. I've screwed up SO many things in my life because of drugs! Money being a big one! I have no idea how I'm going to get myself out of this mess! It's all so overwhelming that I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack constantly. I haven't really dealt with panic/anxiety in a long time and I can't do anything about it. I have a script for it, I've had it for 6 years but haven't filled it in God knows how long bc I don't need them and I don't like the way they make me feel. It doesn't matter now anyway though bc since I'm on suboxone I can't take anything or I'll fail my U/A. Anyway, I'm working my butt off this weekend in my office bc come Monday I'm off for 3 weeks and there's going to be a "floating manager" here taking my place. I've fallen so far behind at work and if my boss knew about it I'd probably be fired so I've got to get it all caught up before someone else is in here to see it! I'm very glad I have these next 3 weeks off of work to get my house cleaned up, work on myself, spend time with my children, etc. Everything has been a mess for far too long!
Rinky- I'm so sorry about your daughter
That has to be SO HARD!! You're such an understanding mother to be so supportive when I'm sure your heart is completely broken. I will be praying for you bc I'm sure this won't be easy to overcome. If you want to talk, you can always PM me! As far as your methadone stash, I know that FT is right in theory. She's right about getting it off the streets, etc. But, I want you to know I understand what you're saying. I'm on suboxone and if I don't have it for some reason, I'll go right into CT withdrawals. The DR will only give you enough to get you through till your next appt and that's it. If you miss that appt, NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON, you're screwed! So, I take less that what he gives me so I have a stash as well. That way if my car breaks down or I'm sick as hell with a migraine, or something/anything happens and I can't get there that day - I have a back up plan. I just have to have a back up plan. Somebody else being in control like that and they are not willing to work with you in a crisis, is not realistic. Now, my hubby and my mom do know I'm doing this so they can keep an eye on how much I'm taking and be involved with my Recovery. I'm saying all this just to tell you I understand where you're coming from.
thenfb- I'm so sorry you're having such anxiety! I had the worst anxiety and panic attacks for 2 straight years about 6 years ago. It got so bad that I couldn't leave my house. I couldn't even bathe myself alone. It was horrible!!!! Are you on any medication for it at all? I know you said that you don't have a job or insurance, do you have medicaid by chance? From what you're describing it sounds like social anxiety to me. If you can get in to see a psych doctor through medicaid, there are medications that can help with that. I don't know if you know about any of this stuff so I don't want to write about it if you already know. Let me know and I'll try to help you. PM me if you want. In the mean time, hang in there! I'll be thinking about you and praying that you feel better!
DJ- I feel you on the cleaning! I used to be OCD with the cleaning/keeping up with the laundry in my house. Now, ha! My house is pathetic! Seriously, I need to get right! LOL. Hopefully in the next 3 weeks I can get myself on a schedule and do some serious spring cleaning! Hope you had enough energy to get yours done as well!
SteppingItUp- I loved your post. It was very inspiring to me. I'm at the place you were before you started getting better. It's great to see that life gets better at some point. Keep posting, it gives people like myself hope - and that's something we greatly need these days!
FT- 9 months! You go lady!!! I don't know what you look like, but I'm picturing you with the viking helmet now and the red heels! hahaha. Congrats! You are the "mother hen" of this thread, and we all love you so much!
Jess- Miss you girl. Post when you can, I'm worried about you. You can always PM me as well, ya know I'm always thinking of you. XOXO
SBH, G2C, where are you boys??? We miss you guys!!
For everyone I'm forgetting, I'm sorry. I have to get back to work! Time is passing too quickly!
Peace and Sobriety!
Mel/IWBF
Rinky- I'm so sorry about your daughter
That has to be SO HARD!! You're such an understanding mother to be so supportive when I'm sure your heart is completely broken. I will be praying for you bc I'm sure this won't be easy to overcome. If you want to talk, you can always PM me! As far as your methadone stash, I know that FT is right in theory. She's right about getting it off the streets, etc. But, I want you to know I understand what you're saying. I'm on suboxone and if I don't have it for some reason, I'll go right into CT withdrawals. The DR will only give you enough to get you through till your next appt and that's it. If you miss that appt, NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON, you're screwed! So, I take less that what he gives me so I have a stash as well. That way if my car breaks down or I'm sick as hell with a migraine, or something/anything happens and I can't get there that day - I have a back up plan. I just have to have a back up plan. Somebody else being in control like that and they are not willing to work with you in a crisis, is not realistic. Now, my hubby and my mom do know I'm doing this so they can keep an eye on how much I'm taking and be involved with my Recovery. I'm saying all this just to tell you I understand where you're coming from. thenfb- I'm so sorry you're having such anxiety! I had the worst anxiety and panic attacks for 2 straight years about 6 years ago. It got so bad that I couldn't leave my house. I couldn't even bathe myself alone. It was horrible!!!! Are you on any medication for it at all? I know you said that you don't have a job or insurance, do you have medicaid by chance? From what you're describing it sounds like social anxiety to me. If you can get in to see a psych doctor through medicaid, there are medications that can help with that. I don't know if you know about any of this stuff so I don't want to write about it if you already know. Let me know and I'll try to help you. PM me if you want. In the mean time, hang in there! I'll be thinking about you and praying that you feel better!
DJ- I feel you on the cleaning! I used to be OCD with the cleaning/keeping up with the laundry in my house. Now, ha! My house is pathetic! Seriously, I need to get right! LOL. Hopefully in the next 3 weeks I can get myself on a schedule and do some serious spring cleaning! Hope you had enough energy to get yours done as well!
SteppingItUp- I loved your post. It was very inspiring to me. I'm at the place you were before you started getting better. It's great to see that life gets better at some point. Keep posting, it gives people like myself hope - and that's something we greatly need these days!
FT- 9 months! You go lady!!! I don't know what you look like, but I'm picturing you with the viking helmet now and the red heels! hahaha. Congrats! You are the "mother hen" of this thread, and we all love you so much!
Jess- Miss you girl. Post when you can, I'm worried about you. You can always PM me as well, ya know
I'm always thinking of you. XOXOSBH, G2C, where are you boys??? We miss you guys!!
For everyone I'm forgetting, I'm sorry. I have to get back to work! Time is passing too quickly!
Peace and Sobriety!
Mel/IWBF
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
thanks
Thankyou so much iwillbefree for your post. Yes it is heart breaking for my daughter to do what shes done. I didn't know any better way to handle it. I could have guilted her into not doing it I know bc she was feeling terrible guilt anyway but I knew that wasn't the right thing to do. I want a baby so badly myself and that made it hard too bc I told her I would keep her baby till she was through with school and stuff but she knew that it would be too hard for me to do that and then have to give it up to her when the time came. I'm probably not going to be able to get pregnant bc I'm 47 and the odds are against me and today I started my period so this hasn't been one of the best weekends I've ever had. I'm glad u understand about the stash. I believe in fts advice its just that I cant take a chance on being caught without. that is the surest way for me to take oxy and I know it. Or get drunk or what ever in a panic ya know. My life is so wierd at the moment. anyway,,, thanks for the understanding.
thenbf I'm also sorry u have such paralizing anxiety. I have had anxiety attacks in the past that I think were brought on by drinking taking oxy and snorting coke am thru pm but it was awful. I hope u can keep working on it and get better from it. It just seems like sometimes the world is out to get us dosent' it. I feel that way alot lately. I feel like I have made so many stupid stupid mistakes the past two years and still making them. I'll post more later. Hang in there, I love to fish as well so I can understand fishing in the rain. did it myself weekend before last. get well soon.
FT I promise i will let u know if I get into trouble. doing ok right now as far as that goes. My personal life is a little wierd right now but I'm doing pretty good.
EVeryone.... peace and love hope and joy,,, that is what I wish for all of us. I hope all of us have a great and peaceful sunday tomorrow.
\'
thenbf I'm also sorry u have such paralizing anxiety. I have had anxiety attacks in the past that I think were brought on by drinking taking oxy and snorting coke am thru pm but it was awful. I hope u can keep working on it and get better from it. It just seems like sometimes the world is out to get us dosent' it. I feel that way alot lately. I feel like I have made so many stupid stupid mistakes the past two years and still making them. I'll post more later. Hang in there, I love to fish as well so I can understand fishing in the rain. did it myself weekend before last. get well soon.
FT I promise i will let u know if I get into trouble. doing ok right now as far as that goes. My personal life is a little wierd right now but I'm doing pretty good.
EVeryone.... peace and love hope and joy,,, that is what I wish for all of us. I hope all of us have a great and peaceful sunday tomorrow.
\'
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
