Just One More
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
Just One More
Just one more, thats what we all say isn't it? Just one more pill, one more drink, one more toke, one more whatever.... Well 3 days ago I said NO MORE!!
I've been on a 80+mg Opana (oxymorphone) habit for over 3 years now and enough is enough. I flushed 26 40mg Opana tabs on Tuesday and the sad thing is that crap probably had enough street value to make my next car payment. I talked to my PM doc about the Opana and he said that it cant be abused due to the "timerx" formula, and that it's not desireable to abusers. WOW, he really needs to read the papers more often. Opana is like the holy grail around here.
This stuff is EVIL!! I have w/d from oxy's multiple times and it has nothing on Opana. It's day 3 and my skin is on fire. My entire body hurts. No sleep. The RLS is absolutely horrible. My gut feels like it has been invaded by some alien creature, and he ain't happy. I gotta make it through this.
I am going through this alone. I have a beautiful fiance' who has no idea of my addiction. No one in my family knows of my problem, so I'm telling everyone I just have a bad case of the flu. I can't tell you how much it sucks not being able to just talk to someone about what I am feeling. I feel so alone.
I've been on a 80+mg Opana (oxymorphone) habit for over 3 years now and enough is enough. I flushed 26 40mg Opana tabs on Tuesday and the sad thing is that crap probably had enough street value to make my next car payment. I talked to my PM doc about the Opana and he said that it cant be abused due to the "timerx" formula, and that it's not desireable to abusers. WOW, he really needs to read the papers more often. Opana is like the holy grail around here.
This stuff is EVIL!! I have w/d from oxy's multiple times and it has nothing on Opana. It's day 3 and my skin is on fire. My entire body hurts. No sleep. The RLS is absolutely horrible. My gut feels like it has been invaded by some alien creature, and he ain't happy. I gotta make it through this.
I am going through this alone. I have a beautiful fiance' who has no idea of my addiction. No one in my family knows of my problem, so I'm telling everyone I just have a bad case of the flu. I can't tell you how much it sucks not being able to just talk to someone about what I am feeling. I feel so alone.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 12
Hey man..oxycodone addict here...on day 10 of recovery. I certainly know exactly what you're going thru and as you already know it blows. I've only taken opana a few times but have heard that coming off of it is no joke. I have been trying to get clean for almost 9 months now. Every time I would go at it alone, and it was the worst feeling ever. I always made it between 3-8 days and began using again when it was that time of the month or when I got paid. Its nearly impossible without a support system that will have your back when your weak and need it most. Finally on Aug 30 I reached rock bottom and crashed my car. I had no other choice but to tell my girlfriend of 4 years. And let me tell u it was like a million pound weight lifted off my shoulders. I was SO scareed of ever telling anyone about my problem. But I'm so glad I did now. Trust me, your fiancée will be there for you. She probably already knows something is up and you coming clean to her will probably make you're relationship even stronger. Then you could possibly think about telling your family. Sorry this grammar sucks I'm posting from my phone. Just know that ppl here at SR care about you and you're recovery. You're very far from alone ..
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Tenn.
Posts: 169
Hi imnotme. Welcome!! You have came to the right place. Lots an lots of great folks here. You are not alone when youre here. Sorry to hear you are having a tough time today. Each day gets a little better. Hang in there and fight the fight and in no time you will be reaping the rewards. Im praying for you.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi ImNotMe,
Let these guys help you through this. There is nothing like companions on this road you're on, who know exactly what you are feeling.
I was on oxycodone for 2 years, and I too tried to detox in secret. I lasted a couple of days doing that when I realized that no "flu" ever looked like what I had, and I wasn't going to be able to keep it a secret. Wanting2bedone is right about your fiance probably knowing something is wrong. A lot of us "secret" addicts thought we did a real good job of hiding our addiction, when the only thing we were really doing was scaring the hell out of the people who cared about us, because they knew something was terribly wrong with us. The truth turns out to be a lot easier for them to handle than fearing you are going to die or commit suicide.
Sometimes such "coming out" is a test of a relationship. Sometimes relationships have a bad past history of lies and drug abuse. You have to decide what to do, but believe us when we tell you that it makes recovery so much easier when you are not suffering silently.
Good luck to you, and I am so glad you found this site. The people here are such great support. What you are doing is worth it. The suffering that seems interminable now is going to end in a short time compared to the rest of your life you can live free and clean. I've got 8 months behind me now, and I can't believe I am still feeling better every month. Opiates suck the life out of you in ways you didn't even know they were doing.
FT
Let these guys help you through this. There is nothing like companions on this road you're on, who know exactly what you are feeling.
I was on oxycodone for 2 years, and I too tried to detox in secret. I lasted a couple of days doing that when I realized that no "flu" ever looked like what I had, and I wasn't going to be able to keep it a secret. Wanting2bedone is right about your fiance probably knowing something is wrong. A lot of us "secret" addicts thought we did a real good job of hiding our addiction, when the only thing we were really doing was scaring the hell out of the people who cared about us, because they knew something was terribly wrong with us. The truth turns out to be a lot easier for them to handle than fearing you are going to die or commit suicide.
Sometimes such "coming out" is a test of a relationship. Sometimes relationships have a bad past history of lies and drug abuse. You have to decide what to do, but believe us when we tell you that it makes recovery so much easier when you are not suffering silently.
Good luck to you, and I am so glad you found this site. The people here are such great support. What you are doing is worth it. The suffering that seems interminable now is going to end in a short time compared to the rest of your life you can live free and clean. I've got 8 months behind me now, and I can't believe I am still feeling better every month. Opiates suck the life out of you in ways you didn't even know they were doing.
FT
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boca *****
Posts: 211
I "one mored" myself to near death at one point. Here is the really ignorant part-- I KNEW adding on another dose wasn't going to make the "buzz" any better, in fact, might ruin it via puking from taking too much, but thats an addict mind at its worse.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boca *****
Posts: 211
I also understand being "alone" hon. Glad you found us. I for all intents and purposes don't have a family. My MOther knows, but she's dying of cancer so I don't burden her with it... and I really don't have any friends. My best friend died last year of an OD. I do have "people I know"... but not people that could be a support system (and I've learned this the hard way).
You are always welcome here, 24/7 and a lot of us will talk to you on PM and exchange numbers so you have someone to call when you get the urge!
You are always welcome here, 24/7 and a lot of us will talk to you on PM and exchange numbers so you have someone to call when you get the urge!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
day 4
Weil its day 4 and life is still sucking pretty bad at this point. I did sleep about 5 hours due to an ambien. My mind is still a fog and the ache legs are very aggravating. Now my fiance' has some sort of stomach bug, she laughed and said I gave it to her, I just said "I probably did" and smiled. There is no way on earth I would make her go through this hell. Maybe she's having sympathy w/d, we are pretty close after all.
Thanks to all for your support and with your help I will make it through this.
God bless
Thanks to all for your support and with your help I will make it through this.
God bless
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 142
The last time I used "one more time", I ended up in the emergency room from an overdose of heroin. I have used so many times for the "last time" that it's not even funny. I used to think that if I could achieve one last "perfect high"...if nothing ever went wrong in my "last high", that I'd then find it easier to quit. The opposite is true, a really pleasant opioid high will only make me want to use more. By using "one last time", I always convicted myself to even more pain and suffering, because it never ends up being "the last time".
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
Thanks to all for the replies and support. It's day 4 1/2 and Im actually at work right now. The cravings are BAD!! The physical symptoms may have subsided just a bit. I sit here and I ponder as to how I got into this situation. I thought it could never happen to me. I have 2 wonderful kids, a great job a beautiful home and a Beautiful fiance'. Why did I let this happen? Why wasn't I strong enough to just say no. How could I, 6'05" 275 lb guy have become reduced to a quivering pile of flesh on the bathroom floor.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 142
Please realize that Opana is not the worst opiate to experience withdrawals from. I'd say the worst would be either methadone or opium. Methadone because the withdrawals are so powerful and long. And opium because when you quit opium, you are withdrawing from MANY different opiates that constitute opium at once. Oxymorphone is comparatively not that bar. It isn't the specific opioid that makes withdrawals really bad (in most cases for opiates with average half-lives like oxycodone). What makes withdrawals bad is how much you use. Someone shooting 10mg of heroin a day will experience much lighter withdrawals than someone taking 350mg of hydrocodone a day. It's all relative my friend.
Sorry to go off on that tangent. I just don't want you to think your withdrawals are THAT bad. You're already feeling better and it's day five. On my fifth day of kicking heroin/booze/oxy (all at once) I was so weak I didn't even get up to use the restroom, I pissed in a bottle.
Sorry to go off on that tangent. I just don't want you to think your withdrawals are THAT bad. You're already feeling better and it's day five. On my fifth day of kicking heroin/booze/oxy (all at once) I was so weak I didn't even get up to use the restroom, I pissed in a bottle.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boca *****
Posts: 211
Please tell us day 5 was better! Detoxing, Dealing with Addiction--- It's just like scraping your knee, it feels worse at first and with time it heals and gets better, but there might always be a scar there. (CLEARLY addiction is worse than a knee scrape, but I hope you get the analogy). I'm sending good thoughts your way.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boca *****
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by Nightsd 
Please realize that Opana is not the worst opiate to experience withdrawals from. I'd say the worst would be either methadone or opium. Methadone because the withdrawals are so powerful and long. And opium because when you quit opium, you are withdrawing from MANY different opiates that constitute opium at once. Oxymorphone is comparatively not that bar. It isn't the specific opioid that makes withdrawals really bad (in most cases for opiates with average half-lives like oxycodone). What makes withdrawals bad is how much you use. Someone shooting 10mg of heroin a day will experience much lighter withdrawals than someone taking 350mg of hydrocodone a day. It's all relative my friend.
Sorry to go off on that tangent. I just don't want you to think your withdrawals are THAT bad. You're already feeling better and it's day five. On my fifth day of kicking heroin/booze/oxy (all at once) I was so weak I didn't even get up to use the restroom, I pissed in a bottle.
Sorry to go off on that tangent. I just don't want you to think your withdrawals are THAT bad. You're already feeling better and it's day five. On my fifth day of kicking heroin/booze/oxy (all at once) I was so weak I didn't even get up to use the restroom, I pissed in a bottle.
The "pot smoker" or the "alocholic" or me "the opiate addict"...... we can all help each other. We don't need to understand each others DOC to understand what it's like to get clean.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
Thanks nighsd and oxyious, its all about perspective I suppose. To each of us, we have all experienced the worst w/d, but there is always someone out there who truly had it more difficult. Day 5 for me is starting ok. Just real antsy feeling and of course my gut is still in turmoil. I will survive......
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 217
IMNOTME- You will make it man, I am on day 7 and my physical symptoms are much better, mental is getting there but I still have the EXACT "foggy", "living in a dream" feeling you are referring to.
We are all here to help eachother, you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination.
I hope you are doing ok this afternoon!!!
We are all here to help eachother, you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination.
I hope you are doing ok this afternoon!!!
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