In need of opinions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
In need of opinions
Hi. I am new here and have read through a few threads and have found a lot of information that is helpful, but I am also in need of opinions on something. My husband is addicted to pain meds. He was put on them about 4 years ago and did well on them for some time. He was taking vicoden and has been upped to percocet. He can take so many pills at one time its scary. He has overdosed once before. He has admitted he has a problem, but yet, thinks he doesn't need help. He's tried to control his meds over and over and has done well for a while and then always relapses. He's afraid if he seeks help they will take all medication from him and he will be in horrible pain. I don't know what to do. Is it possible to be addicted to something, but still get the medicine you need? Are there strong pain meds out there that you are less likely to be addicted to? 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi WID,
It is very easy for docs to prescribe pain medication, and less easy to actually "manage" chronic pain. When opioid medications are either abused or mismanaged, they can actually make pain worse. That's something called "hyperalgesia", and you might want to bring it to his attention.
Here's an article about that:
"Mechanisms of Opioid-Induced Tolerance and Hyperalgesia: Opioid-Induced Hyperalgesia" by Authors Anna DuPen, MN, ARNP,* Danny Shen, PhD,‡ and Mary Ersek, PhD, RN, Pain and Palliative Care Research Department, Center for Nursing Excellence, Swedish Medical Center, Seattle, Washington. I think you can Google it.
Opiates have the characteristic of making you think you need them, far after the time you did need them, if you ever did. This happened to me, and I broke free last December after 2 years of what I call the OXY HELL RIDE. I have severe osteoarthritis and had both knees replaced in 2009 when I could no longer walk due to bone on bone pain.
I still have a lot of pain, and I am so tempted to go back to opiates. But eventually, opiates do stop working. And then they make you sick. It's a bad cycle, and addiction is a tough thing to break. I never thought it could happen to me.
So what to do? Most "good" pain docs will switch the opiates around with other drugs, and combine them with other drugs, to avoid tolerance, addiction, and toxicity from the drugs, which is the usual cycle of addiction. If his doc isn't doing these things, I'd get some additional medical opinions about pain. No responsible physician will ask a patient with true pain to suffer from it. Doctors and nurses are taught that pain is what a patient says it is. Unfortunately, that has led some of them to allow addiction to develop where it did not need to. There are ways to approach severe, chronic pain, at the same time as avoiding addiction. If your husband has overdosed, I am guessing his pain is not being appropriately treated. But you need real medical physicians to decide that, and self medicating is not an answer.
I wish you luck. I hope your husband listens.
FT
It is very easy for docs to prescribe pain medication, and less easy to actually "manage" chronic pain. When opioid medications are either abused or mismanaged, they can actually make pain worse. That's something called "hyperalgesia", and you might want to bring it to his attention.
Here's an article about that:
"Mechanisms of Opioid-Induced Tolerance and Hyperalgesia: Opioid-Induced Hyperalgesia" by Authors Anna DuPen, MN, ARNP,* Danny Shen, PhD,‡ and Mary Ersek, PhD, RN, Pain and Palliative Care Research Department, Center for Nursing Excellence, Swedish Medical Center, Seattle, Washington. I think you can Google it.
Opiates have the characteristic of making you think you need them, far after the time you did need them, if you ever did. This happened to me, and I broke free last December after 2 years of what I call the OXY HELL RIDE. I have severe osteoarthritis and had both knees replaced in 2009 when I could no longer walk due to bone on bone pain.
I still have a lot of pain, and I am so tempted to go back to opiates. But eventually, opiates do stop working. And then they make you sick. It's a bad cycle, and addiction is a tough thing to break. I never thought it could happen to me.
So what to do? Most "good" pain docs will switch the opiates around with other drugs, and combine them with other drugs, to avoid tolerance, addiction, and toxicity from the drugs, which is the usual cycle of addiction. If his doc isn't doing these things, I'd get some additional medical opinions about pain. No responsible physician will ask a patient with true pain to suffer from it. Doctors and nurses are taught that pain is what a patient says it is. Unfortunately, that has led some of them to allow addiction to develop where it did not need to. There are ways to approach severe, chronic pain, at the same time as avoiding addiction. If your husband has overdosed, I am guessing his pain is not being appropriately treated. But you need real medical physicians to decide that, and self medicating is not an answer.
I wish you luck. I hope your husband listens.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
Thanks for the quick reply. I have actually looked up and told him about how opiates will cause you to feel more pain, but he, of course says that's not the case. He is waiting on a disability decision right now and has no medical insurance, so finding a pain management doctor is out of the question right now. That is one of the things that is so frusterating. He needs help, but can't get it because everything requires money and that is something we don't have a lot of right now. I can also tell that he is very depressed and that's not helping things either. It's so sad to see someone you love turn into someone they are not. He does things now that I never thought he would do. Lies constantly. Tells me he's not high when it's obvious he is. He uses the same excuses over and over...he's tired and that's why he's nodding off. Or his allergies are really bad and that's causing his eyes to feel sticky, which must be what's making him look high. And the guilt trips! If I think he's high and I question him about it, he turns it around on me and says " I'm trying to be a good husband and a good father, I've done nothing wrong, I'm not high and you still accuse me." It makes me feel like a crazy person.
I love him dearly and want more than anything for him to get better, and it seems like right now there is no help and no way out, unless I leave him..and I don't want to do that. Grrrrr!!!!!!!!
I love him dearly and want more than anything for him to get better, and it seems like right now there is no help and no way out, unless I leave him..and I don't want to do that. Grrrrr!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi WID,
An addict in active addiction truly believes they need their drug. I mean REALLY believes it, to the place where getting it usurps all else. Like the alcoholic, they will make it YOUR problem, not theirs, and YOUR fault, not theirs, if you don't like what they are doing. It doesn't matter if you are right. You will have a lot of trouble convincing the addict they don't need their drug.
The only way someone who is addicted will ever quit voluntarily is if the downside of using the drug outweighs the upside. That can come in terms of getting dope sick from toxicity of the drug, or it can come in terms of negative consequences that arise from using it. Nothing you can say is going to change that.
So, you have to let him get sick, or even die from an overdose, unless he is rational enough at times to actually listen to you. If you want to play the "consequences" side of the coin, then shedding the light of day on the addiction issue is one thing you could do. Unfortunately, there are a lot of prescribing doctors out there who make their living by keeping your husband addicted. If he is not going to one of those, you could get the doctors on your side by trying to get them to really "manage" his pain as I've described above. The fact he is getting freebies from a drug company suggests a promotion of one type of drug over another. That will make it even harder to get a handle on this.
So think about those options for impetus for him to quit abusing the drug, or at least allow some changes to happen. I do know from experience that the addict often comes to actually WELCOME pain, even additional pain from new problems that can come up, because pain and misery become our friends when they help support the use of more drug.
I feel very bad for you. I did this to my husband for 2 years.
FT
An addict in active addiction truly believes they need their drug. I mean REALLY believes it, to the place where getting it usurps all else. Like the alcoholic, they will make it YOUR problem, not theirs, and YOUR fault, not theirs, if you don't like what they are doing. It doesn't matter if you are right. You will have a lot of trouble convincing the addict they don't need their drug.
The only way someone who is addicted will ever quit voluntarily is if the downside of using the drug outweighs the upside. That can come in terms of getting dope sick from toxicity of the drug, or it can come in terms of negative consequences that arise from using it. Nothing you can say is going to change that.
So, you have to let him get sick, or even die from an overdose, unless he is rational enough at times to actually listen to you. If you want to play the "consequences" side of the coin, then shedding the light of day on the addiction issue is one thing you could do. Unfortunately, there are a lot of prescribing doctors out there who make their living by keeping your husband addicted. If he is not going to one of those, you could get the doctors on your side by trying to get them to really "manage" his pain as I've described above. The fact he is getting freebies from a drug company suggests a promotion of one type of drug over another. That will make it even harder to get a handle on this.
So think about those options for impetus for him to quit abusing the drug, or at least allow some changes to happen. I do know from experience that the addict often comes to actually WELCOME pain, even additional pain from new problems that can come up, because pain and misery become our friends when they help support the use of more drug.
I feel very bad for you. I did this to my husband for 2 years.
FT
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Can you write a letter to the drug company and let them know the situation? Also request information on rehab or alternate pain management since their drug has created such dependence? They might help you (for fear of a lawsuit, maybe). You write well, maybe there's help out there!
Best wishes to you.
Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 217
The only way to knock some sense into him is with serious concequences, like you are leaving him, or your going to call the doctor and tell him the issue. Thats what it took for me to step back and look at my addiction from the outside in, and it disgusted me. I also was lying to my wife every chance I got, making excuses to go get more dope (Vicodin 10mg), AFTER going through my 180/month script in 3 weeks, and whatever it took to feed my addiction. I had a strange moment of clarity today actually, and for the record I have only been clean for 1 day and 13 hours and am still in the throws of WD at work even. So I know how bad it sucks, but he has to do it, its the only way out. If he doenst he will end up with a fatal overdose or worse, yes worse than an overdose would be his family leaving him, his bank account being empty, etc.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi DJ,
Thanks so much for posting. I hope the decision you made 2 days ago is going to stick. It's hell being addicted, always chasing that next dose.
I made my husband's life miserable for 2 years with my using. I have 8 months, almost 9 now, behind me. Life looks a hell of a lot better to me now than it did last December.
Hang in there.
FT
Thanks so much for posting. I hope the decision you made 2 days ago is going to stick. It's hell being addicted, always chasing that next dose.
I made my husband's life miserable for 2 years with my using. I have 8 months, almost 9 now, behind me. Life looks a hell of a lot better to me now than it did last December.
Hang in there.
FT
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 217
Failedtaper,
Oh I am, its not going to win. Its hard a hell to go through this but I am in it to win it. One day at a time for me too, thats the only way. I actually just told my co worker about my situation, she sits right next to me and she is now my "at work sponsor", besides you all of course! I will make it.... Thanks for the support, it means more than you know right now.
Oh I am, its not going to win. Its hard a hell to go through this but I am in it to win it. One day at a time for me too, thats the only way. I actually just told my co worker about my situation, she sits right next to me and she is now my "at work sponsor", besides you all of course! I will make it.... Thanks for the support, it means more than you know right now.
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